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To think this isn't a joint party?

(107 Posts)
TheOnlyReality Thu 06-Aug-15 17:22:59

Dh is a twin and they are having a big birthday on Saturday. SIL asked ages ago if I would host a party and she would split the cost with us. I was happy to as we do usually have a summer BBQ and I usually love hosting.

The party is this weekend and at least 40 people are coming with an even split of our guests and theirs. I've just done the food and booze shop and despite buying bog standard burgers and sausages, with six bottles of wine and a bottle of Pimms it has come to £165.

SIL had told me she's bought three bottles of wine and some gin, ten burger rolls and is making a pasta salad so she'd like to give me £20 towards the food.

I haven't told her how much I've spent and dh won't let me, his argument is we usually do a party and it's too much hassle to claw it back from them.

I'm currently severely depressed (signed off work for the past six months) and I'm on a lot of medication so I'm not trusting any of my reactions at the moment. But I'm fucking fuming. I feel like we've been scammed, the party is twice the size it would have been if it was just us and any fule would no that forty guests would be pricey to cater for. I feel a bit humiliated by the twenty quid offer and want to invoice them.


ToTheGups Thu 06-Aug-15 17:25:28

It does sound like she is taking advantage. Maybe you should have agreed a budget for the food and alcohol in advance or gone shopping together. Yanbu to be upset about it though.

StillStayingClassySanDiego Thu 06-Aug-15 17:27:02

You have to say something otherwise you'll stew and end up more and more pissed off.

three bottles of wine and some gin, ten burger rolls and is making a pasta salad so she'd like to give me £20 towards the food. Bloody hell we'd finish that off without guests over a weekend! grin

You have to get dh onside and tell her you want half, it's a joint party, it's bloody obvious isn't it?

BYOSnowman Thu 06-Aug-15 17:27:18

Are there other bits you need (paper plates etc) that you could ask her to get?

InTheBox Thu 06-Aug-15 17:27:49

I think you need to give her a ring and discuss it. If there are at least 40 people coming it doesn't sound like you have enough to cater for everyone.

SugarOnTop Thu 06-Aug-15 17:28:01

she knows full well her share costs more than £20...she's taking advantage of you. don't let her. i would ignore your dh's comments on this one because all he is doing is making you a doormat and a mug. she wanted a joint party and that means splitting the costs 50/50. cheeky cow!

bakingtins Thu 06-Aug-15 17:28:08

Ask her what catering she expects for £1 a head for her guests. Cheeky cah!

StillStayingClassySanDiego Thu 06-Aug-15 17:29:26

Is she taking advantage because you've been ill or has she always been the sort to take the piss?

Pugthug Thu 06-Aug-15 17:31:48

Just ask for half.

TheOnlyReality Thu 06-Aug-15 17:31:53

She's always been tricky. But she doesn't entertain so maybe she thinks it's enough? I've bought plenty so no worries about under catering but we are out of pocket because of the extra guests, it's a huge party for us.

I might just text and say 'the bill so far is £165 for all the food, booze and paper plates etc' but I am a huge wimp at the moment.

DayLillie Thu 06-Aug-15 17:32:35

Tell her not to bother as you need her to get paper plates, bunting, charcoal, cocktail cherries etc............. with it wink

Pugthug Thu 06-Aug-15 17:32:55

But as your hosting it she should cough up a bit more to compensate.

Janethegirl Thu 06-Aug-15 17:35:15

Suggest she brings puddings for the 40+ guests and some more wine and beergrin

WipsGlitter Thu 06-Aug-15 17:35:15

Is key text and say what it's cost so far, list anything else you need and see what she says.

The5DayChicken Thu 06-Aug-15 17:35:23

I'm going to guess she simply hasn't thought it through properly. If you have the kind of relationship where you can poke a bit of fun at each other, I'd message back with a big smiley face asking how far she thinks 3 bottles of wine, a bit of gin and £20 is really going to go for 40 people. Maybe sign it off with 'pull the other one!'.

wowfudge Thu 06-Aug-15 17:35:41

This is just the sort of thing you need to discuss before anyone buys anything - draw up a list and decide who is getting what. Maybe she doesn't realise how much it's cost or thinks people will bring stuff with them.

Could you ask her to provide some more bread, accompaniments - ketchup, mayo, potato wedges etc, salad and some ice cream and soft drinks instead of giving you £20?

bloodyteenagers Thu 06-Aug-15 17:35:58

You have to say something. Half
Those guests are theirs and the food she is offering is nothing. 10 buns and a bit of pasta won't even feed half.
Text her and tell her so far the bill is £165.

PoppyFleur Thu 06-Aug-15 17:37:27

Gosh a whole £1 per head budget! Does your SIL believe you have biblical powers when it comes to feeding the masses?

YANBU your SIL is being very cheeky, do not let this drop because in addition to hosting duties you will have all the cleaning and tidying up to do as well.

In all honesty, she is blatantly having a laugh, 10 burger rolls for 40 people - is the plan to quarter each burger?

TheOnlyReality Thu 06-Aug-15 17:37:58

I've sent a text saying ' the good and booze so far has come to £165' and listed what I bought. I've also been a bit of a wimp said 'I don't know if you want to spilt it but I thought I'd let you know'.

StillStayingClassySanDiego Thu 06-Aug-15 17:37:59

You're not a wimp at all, stop thinking like that <offers a pat on shoulder>.

Do text or phone and say that £20 won't cover it and tell her how much you've spent.

WorraLiberty Thu 06-Aug-15 17:38:03

Just tell her.

Poor cow will probably be mortified at how much she offered you.

She probably had no clue.

The5DayChicken Thu 06-Aug-15 17:38:03

Buying 10 buns for a bbq party for 40 does seem particularly foolish to be honest. I'd open with that.

Andrewofgg Thu 06-Aug-15 17:39:17

Am I the only one to have misunderstood the title of this thread big-time?

kslatts Thu 06-Aug-15 17:39:28

Does your SIL know how much you have spent? Does she know what food you have bought?

If she does then YANBU, but could it be that she just doesn't realise how much you have spent.

ItsAllGoingToBeFine Thu 06-Aug-15 17:39:37

Either text her the amount or ask her to provide a variety of deserts for all of the guests plus paper plates/disposable glasses/napkins/tablecloths/charcoal etc

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