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AIBU?

To think you should be able to eat what you fancy aged 92?

145 replies

summerandautumn · 04/08/2015 14:17

Took the DCs to visit a darling family friend yesterday as it was her birthday.

Her family are concerned about her weight gain and have left notes instructing the carers who go in twice a day to only give her porridge for breakfast and only fruit to be given as a pudding after her evening meal.

She isn't 'fat' - tall and solid - but AIBU to think she should be able to just eat whatever she fancies at her age?

OP posts:

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ShatnersBassoon · 04/08/2015 14:20

I would say so, unless there are underlying health problems you don't know about ie borderline diabetic. It's unlikely to be a weight concern alone.

Imlookingatboats · 04/08/2015 14:20

At 92 you should be able to take recreational drugs! Yanbu.

OverTheHandlebars · 04/08/2015 14:24

Assuming she isn't unable to make her own decisions due to dementia etc. then the carers shouldn't be taking instructions from her family about anything. At 92 you should definitely have whatever you like for pudding!

randomAXEofkindness · 04/08/2015 14:24

YANBU. I think they've got a cheek. If she wants a sponge pudding, she should bloody well get one. They're way over-stepping the mark here.

Reading this has really annoyed me.

StrawberryMojito · 04/08/2015 14:24

God yes, if she has got to that age making her own decisions about food surely she must be doing something right. They are her family so it is understandable that they want her to remain as healthy as possible and a doctor may have told them that she is at risk of diabetes or something but tbh at that age I'd be looking to enjoy my last years and having plenty of treats.

AuntieStella · 04/08/2015 14:25

Yes, up to a point.

But if the person has dementia, then this level of direction to the employed carers is both normal and necessary. And of course does not reflect what happens when the family, not the carers, are in charge.

PurpleBananaPie · 04/08/2015 14:25

Yes definitely. Before my dad passed away, all he wanted to eat was a certain type of dessert (he had been ill for many years and was progressively getting worse). He wasn't capable of getting it for himself and often arguments would ensue when my mum refused to get it for him as she didn't want him to die of a heart attack or similar. It was pretty obvious he was going downhill rapidly so personally I would have let him have whatever he wanted but she was adamant.

summerandautumn · 04/08/2015 14:25

She has very, very mild dementia. It mainly manifests itself in being forgetful which is why the carers go in but she's very independent. Her family are utterly lovely and I am sure they mean nothing by it but she looked quite sad when she said there weren't any biscuits!

OP posts:

Elledouble · 04/08/2015 14:26

Yeh! If I make it to that age I'm going to take up smoking again!

ArendelleQueen · 04/08/2015 14:26

It depends. Assuming she's got the mental ability to make her own decisions, then yes, of course she has every right to decide to eat cake. However, if she doesn't, then she might need support with making these choices.

FuzzyWizard · 04/08/2015 14:26

She should be able to eat what she likes!

Floralnomad · 04/08/2015 14:27

How mean , unless there is a valid health reason ,and at 92 that would also be debatable , she should have whatever she fancies .

Yika · 04/08/2015 14:27

Of course she should be able to eat whatever she fancies, it makes me angry and sad to see older people treated this way. Their options are so restricted anyway and they don't have much independence left so at least they should be able to make the choices they still can.

CMOTDibbler · 04/08/2015 14:28

I think its impossible to judge tbh - for instance, the heavier she is, the harder it will be for her to mobilise. High blood sugar would impair healing and increase infection risk.

I'm sure her family are doing their best to keep her healthy and able to stay in her own home.

ArendelleQueen · 04/08/2015 14:29

When you say "very, very mild dementia", if that a professional opinion or what you observe when you visit?

Lindy2 · 04/08/2015 14:32

At that age she really should be able to eat what she wants. At a similar age my great uncle was told by the doctors to stop drinking whisky. He did stop - he switched to drinking Brandy instead. Yes it did probably shorten his life so he lived until age 93 instead of 94. So what really, he was happy.

GardenDragon · 04/08/2015 14:34

My mum had dementia and was in a home, she had lovely food provided, including puddings and there was always afternoon tea with cake. The dementia had taken away virtually everything from her, yet her sweet tooth remained. So why bloody not! She enjoyed her sweet food and we were happy to see her get a little bit of pleasure in her life.

At 92 your friend should absolutely be able to eat what she likes!

Bakeoffcake · 04/08/2015 14:34

Unless she's a diabetic, then she should be able to eat what the heck she likes.

flanjabelle · 04/08/2015 14:35

My God let the woman eat what she wants!! why the hell not.

I actually think the family are being selfish. they want her to live longer, which is lovely, but it is reducing her quality of life. surely at that age quality is more important than longevity?!

SylvanianCaracal · 04/08/2015 14:36

Quite a few older relatives of mine (70s/80s) drink more heavily than I do. I'll stop at one glass of wine, they'll finish the bottle. It occurred to me that at that age maybe you just think "fuck it, I might as well enjoy myself." I don't hold it against them and wouldn't try to stop them. In fact when my uncle was dying at 80+ I took him some nice wine to enjoy.

MrsGentlyBenevolent · 04/08/2015 14:36

At 92, I really hope I'm not treated like this, dementia or not. Actually, with possibly life-limiting conditions (if there are such a thing at that age!), I think it's more important to endulge and enjoy. It's 'not going to better' is it? If I reach this age, I will be smoking and eating treats to my heart's content, any family that tries to deny me will find their share of the will donated to a donkey sanctuary.

ThisNameIsBetterThanMyRealOne · 04/08/2015 14:36

It was her Birthday and she had no cake?

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summerandautumn · 04/08/2015 14:38

Professional - it says so in her care file (she asked me to read something from it to her by the way; I did not go through it!)

OP posts:

bored1602 · 04/08/2015 14:38

I sincerely hope the carers will be ignoring their notes!

BettyCatKitten · 04/08/2015 14:40

Jesus, if you can't have a biscuit when you're 92 then when can you, bless her.
I've been a carer for the elderly in their homes and was frequently sent to shops to pick up emergency biscuit and chocolate supplies that were 'missed off' the weekly shop

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