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Think I need to resort to killing with kindness. help me achieve this

(13 Posts)
NoahVale Tue 04-Aug-15 09:31:19

new member of staff, senior to me, seems to dislike me, or something. feel quite upset about this.
she says hello to my colleague but ignores me, and when i am alone she still ignores me.
when i do, despite myself, make a comment she is annoyed me with.

i have decided i need to kill her, with kindness. apart from ignoring her, which i can't stand that in a work situation.

looking for some advice here

WhyCantIuseTheNameIWant Tue 04-Aug-15 09:43:28

Saw an article once about a similar situation. Many years ago, no idea if truth or myth...

But the worker found out the boss' favourite cake. And put one on his (her?) desk every day. For months.

Eventually, I think it got he message across.

Failing that, can you move to another department/branch?
Lodge a complaint?
Find out if they have out of work connections/know each other, so new boss could be shy around strangers?

Keep doing your job, and be polite when spoken to. Give them no reason to dislike you!

NoahVale Tue 04-Aug-15 09:45:42

Be polite when spoken to?
hmm, that's rare.
oh well.

OTheHugeManatee Tue 04-Aug-15 10:28:25

If it went on and on I'd be tempted to ask for a word in private and enquire, as delicately as possible, whether there was an issue and if so whether it might be possible to discuss it. The trick with raising something like that is to frame it as neutrally as possible, ie without implying it's all your fault or else that they have an irrational problem with you, but more along the lines of somehow there appears to be a difficulty and you are keen to work with your colleague to address it in the interests of a positive working environment.

OTheHugeManatee Tue 04-Aug-15 10:30:25

Provided you manage it carefully and don't put them on the spot or imply that they are a twat (even if that's what you actually think) you have nothing to lose from this approach. At worst they will deny there is an issue and you won't be any the wiser, ie nothing will have changed; they may deny it but know you've clocked it and tone their rudeness down; or else you may find out what the issue is and be able to address it with them. Good luck though, these sorts of atmospheres are horrible.

NoahVale Tue 04-Aug-15 10:32:04

Thanks Manatee.

SkatesMcgee Tue 04-Aug-15 10:35:28

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

twirlypoo Tue 04-Aug-15 10:38:18

I had this once when I was the senior member of staff. It shocked me how much it upset me, so you have my total sympathy!

For me I had to tackle it because it was taking place in front of other staff and customers and was totally undermining me (Id say hello and be blanked, ask her to pass me something and it was shoved at me etc)

We had a meeting and She admitted she didn't like me, said I was rubbish at my job and would rather leave than be nice to me..... Which actually solved the problem, but was potentially a bit drastic!

Can you ask them a direct question so they have to answer you? I hope it's resolved soonthanks

OTheHugeManatee Tue 04-Aug-15 10:42:02

Whatever you do, though, don't ask them directly about it in front of other people. Then they'll automatically be defensive, as they won't want to lose face in front of others, and may end up saying something that escalates the standoff.

If you ask them for a meeting and they refuse it you could always ask for a meeting with HR present, but this would be taking things to a different level so I imagine you don't want to do this unless it gets much worse.

Also from your post I gather this person isn't your direct boss? If so that puts a different complexion on things.

NoahVale Tue 04-Aug-15 10:42:32

Gosh Twirlypoo,
at least it solved the problem though.

NoahVale Tue 04-Aug-15 10:43:55

Generally the work culture is very pleasant, among the senior staff, so this is surprising.

GatoradeMeBitch Tue 04-Aug-15 11:42:50

Yes, no cakes! No crawling of any kind. Stop speaking to her. Either she will eventually have to speak to you and you can respond politely, or you'll both co-exist pretending there's not an extra person in the room! Killing with kindness just doesn't work imo, all you'll do is amuse her and make her wonder if she can take further advantage, or make her despise you further for whatever reason. Back all the way off. She is the unprofessional one.

NoahVale Tue 04-Aug-15 11:49:10

She is the most junior of the senior staff so that may be why she is unprofessional.

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