To ask if any of you didn't move into your "forever house" till' the DC were older?(131 Posts)
I hate that term....it seems overly romantic but I get the meaning of it. Basically we're going to be moving into a home forever within a year and our DC will be 7 and 11.
I wish they could have grown up in one house but it's not been possible. We've had two rentals...well within their memory! One was for 9 years and this one has been just over a year.
Will they have just as secure a childhood memory? Did your DC like the new house? Tell me your stories if you rented or moved about for any reason.
They've always had the same school which is nice...that never changed.
Oh...meant to add. I think it matters because things like planting fruit trees or building tree houses haven't been possible. That makes me a bit sad...but still...we can hopefully do that now.
I think you're looking for stuff to stress about tbh.
We moved a couple of years ago when DS was 8, this house will probably be the one he lives in through secondary school and we'll be in it beyond that but never say never - things change: finances, jobs, what you need etc.
I think you're over thinking and idealising things a bit (and I mean that nicely). Great childhood memories aren't the physical rooms, they're the activities, the people, the sights, sounds, emotions etc. A bit like this Ed Byrne sketch they'll remember parties, Christmasses, friends and family, random things that made them laugh, the physical layout of the room won't feature strongly or be key to them remembering things.
Dd1 (5) has lived in three different houses so far, we don't plan to move but I have no problem with uprooting and going off to live somewhere else. I don't think it matters.
Saucy well I don't think I am. I think they're valid concerns....maybe it's because I had a bit of an idyllic childhood in one house...where my Mum still lives. I attach too many memories to the bricks...and I remember a lot of features in my old home...
We moved to our 'forever' house (well for next 25yrs or so) when DS was 5. He has clear memories of our previous home & his previous school but has new ones here. He's settled well, I think quicker than I did.
The first 'big' thing we did when we moved in was to build him a climbing frame (we hadn't had a garden in the old house) and decorate his room (even though we loads of work everywhere else in the house) It helped him take ownership.
He also has his own patch of garden which he's now chosen plants for and looked after (with mums help) for a few years.
I don't think it matters. Hopefully we'll move when the DC are a bit older. Currently all 3 share a room, which would be sub-optimal when they are teenagers. We do have dwarf fruit trees in pots though, so they'll come too
if I haven't let them die by then
I moved around loads when I was a kid and I have great memories from each home.
We have been here for 11 years and moved when the dc were 8,6 and 3. We are actually contemplating another move with the dc now they are mid/late teens and they're happy to either move or stay.
And I guess there are all sorts of reasons why you might end up moving house, and I'm not sure how useful it is in helping kids learn to be resilient to attach so much significance to bricks and mortar.
I've never heard this term before! And not familiar with the concept of it being bad to move when you have kids - pretty much everyone moves as they have more/get older don't they? Agree that this sounds like you're looking for things to stress about.
I think you're looking for stuff to stress about tbh
I agree with this.
Your children are still young. It is the people that make the memories not the bricks and mortar IMO
I'm hoping to move into my dream house when I retire. Family homes need extra bedrooms to clean, sensible kitchens and floors, more rooms and less open plan. I want a huge living area with a fantastic view, enormous master suite and a couple of guest rooms, architecturally impressive and very chic. The sort of place that is just not right for a family.
But memories of good times aren't dependent on constantly seeing the same physical things to trigger those memories surely - especially in these days of digital photographs? Yes some of my happy childhood memories are from specific rooms in houses but the memory would still be there even if the rooms weren't.
Like parallax I'd be wary of attaching too much emotion to 'stuff' and I include bricks and mortar in 'stuff'. At the end of the day it really is about people and experiences not physical posessions. I sat in the front garden of the house we lived in when DS was younger with him on my knee (he was about 3) waiting for the fire brigade to arrive as smoke filled the house - for a brief moment I thought about going back in to get some photos (wedding pics, utterly irreplacable as long before digitial photos and the photographer is long gone too). I immediately realised that it was a stupid thing and with DS on my lap and DH safe at work there was literally nothing else that mattered in the world - everything else either didn't matter or was replaceable. Had that house gone up in a puff of smoke (it didn't thanks to the fire brigade) I would still have had memories of our wedding day, of bringing DS home from hospital, of the amazing drunken Christmasses playing poker etc - I didn't need the bricks to keep those.
We've moved around a lot before buying what I hoped would be a forever home last year. The kids are 16, 13 and 11 and they love it here, as do we, but dh has recently lost his job and there are very few opportunities in the area so he's applying for jobs across the whole of Europe!
I don't think I can bring myself to sell if we do end up moving. I'd rather rent it out and have the option of moving back one day.
We moved when ds were 8 and 6 to a completely new town, schools etc They've been fine. They have a lot of happy memories here (seven years later).
The way things are going in this country, with more and more people having to rent rather than buy, any children that do end up in a 'forever home' will be incredibly privileged. I really wouldn't worry about the DCs not having it for their entire childhood. The feeling of security comes more from you being around, rather than bricks and mortar (at least that's what I tell myself).
Me and DH moved into our "forever apartment", which roughly matches description given by ExConstance, when we had DC1. My FiL saw it for the first time and looked at it as his long lost bachelor pad. We thought we would have to move somewhere more family friendly eventually, but now we also have DC2 and 3 and have persuaded them all to let us stay put as long as we overcompensate on trips out to family friendly parks etc.
Re the Op a lot of my friends moved out of flats once DC were more in need of a garden and then there was another exodus when looking for the best secondary schools. All the DC seem to adjust very well, but I gave mine the choice of a move to a house in suburbia and they plumped for the freedom of life downtown over a garden and a bedroom each.
When DH retires I may regret this as I will have no shed to send him to.
This is what really gets to me about some younger entitled people! In my day you slummed it in a slum and babies might be in drawers not cots and no one had a nursery and by dint of massive sacrifice you cramed everyone into that tiny flat and yes eventually we did buy a nice house when the oldest was 13 but no one expected marriage, babies and some kind of wonderful family home!
I love my house- moved a year ago and have older kids.
Even this won't be my "forever home" thought. It has 5 bedrooms and will be too big when it's just OH and I so we will probably downsize when the kids leave home and release some equity to help the kids with their homes.
I just wouldn't be looking for that. My dc take security and comfort from their family not their surroundings. They have moved around and the resilience they have learned will be far more useful in life to them than having a "forever home" in childhood. To be honest your experience kind of cements my view as your experience of one home has given you a hang up about this as a goal in life which I don't believe is healthy. My dc will have had the experience to see that all kind of variety and experience can be positive and beneficial...
I think you're stressing over absolutely nothing. My ds is almost 8 and has lived in six houses. As long as they are in the same area / don't need to leave friends or change schools, moving house isn't a big deal for them. We've only had one big move. I'm sure we'll move again as we won't be able to buy...no plans to move but there's always the chance that the landlord might sell, etc.
Very few of my friends' parents grew up in the house their parents now live in. Also, most landlords would let you plant a tree or build a playhouse. They may ask you to take a house down when you leave but we've dug a pond and everything.
I understand your point of view and even sympathise with it, because I get foolishly attached to homes. However, when I think of the millions of children in the world who have no homes, or ramshackle homes, or homes where they're not safe, then my sympathy for the ones who didn't spend their whole childhoods in one nice safe place dwindles considerably.
Your kids will be fine. Their experiences are not your experiences - they won't be sad because they won't know what they've missed.
From a child's POV, we moved into what I would call my 'forever' family home when I was 9 and my DSis was 11. My younger sister was 2 at the time.
I'm now 41 and my parents still live there, as does my youngest DBrother (who is 27). We still see it as our family home. I had two homes before that I remember well but the last one was our forever home. I think I romanticize the other places more because we moved from them, but I think if my parents were to move now, I would miss their current home a lot more than I missed the other two.
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