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Who is BU, us or the neighbours regarding the cat?

(49 Posts)
ChristmasYoni Mon 03-Aug-15 10:47:44

We bought a cat about two years ago, over the last year he has been playing outside and for the first few months was too scared to leave our garden, gradually he seemed to go further and stay out for longer until sometimes he would go missing for days. We were worried sick and my partner would stay up until early hours each morning with the lounge window open incase he came back. After a few incidences of him disappearing for maybe 3 or 4 days at a time we found out he had been staying in the neighbours house, they laughingly told us he sleeps on their bed and what he eats etc.
Then about two months ago he vanished, he stopped coming home completely, the longest he had ever been gone was about 5 days so after a week we were beside ourselves, obviously we discovered the neighbours had taken him in again. They told us they tried to put him outside but he just ran back in and they had given up and bought him a litter tray, bed etc, they found this all adorable and although were nice about it una. 'What can you do? Cats are cats!' Kind of way I felt that buying him food etc was just enticing him but we continued to call him each night to no avail.
He now won't enter our garden, hisses at our children from the fence and won't even look at you when you call his name. He has essentially disowned us, we are upset but at least we know he is safe and being fed etc.
Now for the AIBU. The neighbours have knocked at our house this morning asking for us to take him to the vet as he had a fight last night and is hurt. They are refusing to take him or pay as he is 'our cat'. As much as I love and miss him AIBU to tell them to get to fuck and pay themselves since they have essentially adopted him for two months straight and I haven't so much as been able to stroke him?
If IABU I can accept this but it seems so unfair that he no longer lives with is yet we are expected to pay for his upkeep.

honeysucklejasmine Mon 03-Aug-15 10:49:56

YANBU, that's very upsetting. Have you said as much to them?

ghostyslovesheep Mon 03-Aug-15 10:50:19

Oh that's hard x

YANBU to tell them to F off but he is your cat so I'd do it but I'd make then agree to stop housing him

TheSpottedZebra Mon 03-Aug-15 10:50:34

Hmm. You're all being unreasonable!

Of course they are, as they're getting the benefits of owning a cat but shirking one of the major costs.
But you are too as you took on the responsibility of pet ownership, and you can't end the deal just because your cat is also being unreasonable.

That said, poor you, I'd be gutted if my cat left us. sad

Can you afford the vets?

MammaTJ Mon 03-Aug-15 10:50:45

I would decide how much you want to keep the cat. If you want to keep it, then take it to the vets, take it back and keep it in. If not, then tell them to fuck off to the far side of fuck, then fuck off a little bit more.

They are indeed cheeky for even asking you.

Bloody odd actually.

cansu Mon 03-Aug-15 10:52:22

I would b v straight with them. If they want to keep the cat they must pay. If they do not wish to pay they get rid of bed and litter tray and stop allowing him in. They have judt had a rude awakening to realities of pet ownership. They do sound like massive piss takers.

ChristmasYoni Mon 03-Aug-15 10:53:04

I have told them I will speak to my partner when he is home from work and left it at that for now. I'm not very assertive hence why I thought I would ask for advice here to see if I was being selfish.
We are tight for money at the minute but would pay for him as he is our pet....I just feel that he is their pet now though and think why should we!

eatyouwithaspoon Mon 03-Aug-15 10:54:21

Tell them if they want the your cat they will have to take it to the vet and pay and that you will only take it if they stop feeding it enticing it in, and if they do it again you will not pay again effectively it will be their cat to feed, flea, worm and pay for if its unwell. If they give it back you will need to keep it in for a few weeks to re establish where home is.

ChristmasYoni Mon 03-Aug-15 10:55:22

To be honest as much as we are missing him I would be worried locking him back in our house now after seeing how he reacts to our children etc. they have been extremely gentle with him since he was a kitten but the way he hisses at them now he has moved on so to speak, it's got me worried he might be aggressive with them so I just don't know what to do!

gamerchick Mon 03-Aug-15 10:55:43

What did you say to them?

Tell them if they steal (or encourage the being chosen) a cat then they take it on.

Or come heavy handed in their arses. They can't have their cake and eat it.

StillStayingClassySanDiego Mon 03-Aug-15 10:57:35

Bloody hell I'd be furious at the cheek of the neighbours.

He's not your at anymore, they can't pick and choose when to call the shots, the vet bill could run into ££££'s.

gamerchick Mon 03-Aug-15 10:57:39

Thing is if you wait then he suffers. None of you can do that.

StillStayingClassySanDiego Mon 03-Aug-15 10:58:15


Caken Mon 03-Aug-15 11:00:01

Yanbu at all, cheeky fecks.

EponasWildDaughter Mon 03-Aug-15 11:02:34

The cat got into a fight while it was out last night. Cats should be kept indoors at night to reduce this risk.

My advice would be to tell the neighbors that you are going to rehome the cat. Let them stew on that.

Then - take the cat to the vet, get it treated.

Then think about what you want to do.

If you want to keep the animal then you need to have it as a house cat for the next few months at least, if not permanently. Keeping it in will re adjust it back to seeing your home as it's home. (Personally i would bet that the minute you let the cat back out the neighbors will start petting/feeding it again and you'll be back to square one.)

As for what the mental neighbors do with their cat equipment - that's up to them. Idiots.

BerylStreep Mon 03-Aug-15 11:02:45

I really feel for you. We have been through similar with our neighbours, and I recently had to fork out £700 in vets fees, even though our neighbours were feeding her and keeping her in (not for 2 months though). I used it as an opportunity to write to them and ask them not to do it. They still do, but not as much.

I have to say, I think in these circumstances your neighbours are being bang out of order. I would be tempted to say to them that since they have adopted your cat, they have to bear the cost, and all future costs.

Poor cat though. I wonder what they will do if you refuse?

Binit Mon 03-Aug-15 11:03:01

Just say no. They clearly love the cat and aren't going to let him suffer. They love him enough to buy him a bed and feed him. They will love him enough to take him to the vet.

This cat hisses at your kids and doesn't come home, that is the stage I would have washed my hands of him.

EponasWildDaughter Mon 03-Aug-15 11:07:05

I'm inclined to agree with you binit.

BUT my sheer bloodymindedness would, in that situation, make me inclined to rehome it rather than leave it with people who may or may not take the animal to the vet, and who effectively stole it from me in the first place.

ShipwreckedAndComatose Mon 03-Aug-15 11:09:59

I would pay the treatment but then keep the cat locked in until it became used to your home again. I would also make sure that the neighbours were clear how hurt you were when they stole your pet and that, since they were not prepared to take on the cat full time, they should prevent him from going into their home and certainly not be feeding him.

They have behaved really badly in this. Cats don't just adopt new homes unless strongly encouraged to do so.

zzzzz Mon 03-Aug-15 11:11:56

This happened to us. Doubly awful because our youngest was very seriously ill and it was her sisters cat and SO beloved. Our neighbours locked the cat in with them for weeks at a time.

We paid the vets bills. sad We loved her so how could we not?

Ghastly woman wouldn't stop and eventually the cat was knocked down and killed as they live next to the main road. She had lived with us happily for 5 years before the witch took a fancy to her. We still have her sister but it is not the same.

MythicalKings Mon 03-Aug-15 11:13:24

Just say no. It's their cat no. If they insist then pay but get the cat rehomed. You could have many more bills in future if you let this continue.

ShipwreckedAndComatose Mon 03-Aug-15 11:17:01

Yes, if you don't think the cat will resettle with you then re home it. Better that than with neighbours who are fair weather cat owners. sad

ChristmasYoni Mon 03-Aug-15 11:19:06

Than you everyone for your words of wisdom!

ChristmasYoni Mon 03-Aug-15 11:19:31

Thank you**

BettyCatKitten Mon 03-Aug-15 11:24:01

One of my neighbours cats adopted me years ago. However, they were relieved as it didn't get along with their other cat and had been relegated to the shed. Shortly after she kept coming into my house and snuggling up with my ds every evening, I went to their house to discuss it with them. We all agreed the cat was now my responsibility, including any costs incurred. They should really take responsibility seeing as the cat has lived there for 2 months. I think they're pulling a fast one.

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