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AIBU?

Another shit birthday

33 replies

captainproton · 02/08/2015 12:09

AIBU reasonable to be laid in bed crying because it's my birthday and all of my family (except dad) and most of my friends (apart from 2 new friends I have made at church) have forgotten to even send a text or Facebook message. I think it's worse because my mother killed herself the night before my birthday 4 years ago.

Is it me? I would want to see how that person was today.

DH has remembered, so have the in-laws, my dad sent me a rather weird card about custard (no idea) but I did remind him on Wednesday it was my birthday today.

About 8 years ago no one remembered my birthday at all and I was at the time in a very dark place. I remember thinking if I disappeared no one would notice.

How do people cope with people they love and care for just forgetting? other people seem to have a million happy birthday messages on social media. I want to bin it, but I can't because where I volunteer is co-ordinated by bloody Facebook.

Can someone hand me a fucking grip and a plan on how not to repeat this wallowing next year.

OP posts:

Report

DonkeyOaty · 02/08/2015 12:11

Some of us do the '6 sleeps til my birthday' thing and not just on Facebook either

#shameless

Hassled · 02/08/2015 12:16

Firstly - you're allowed to wallow - this must be a hard day for you. Your DH, your ILs, your Dad remembered - that's not nothing. You're clearly loved and cared about.

And re your family, so presumably your mum's family - the fact it's the day after the anniversary of her death is bound to be a factor. So sadness mixed with awkwardness mixed with just a general not knowing what to do/say. I agree that it's crap to not acknowledge your birthday to you, but they might be wondering if you even do want it acknowledging, IYSWIM.

And is your birthday actually up there on FB? One of DCs got into a right tizz because he hadn't had any FB Happy Birthdays - turned out he'd somehow hidden his birthday and no-one had got the sort of notification you usually see.

gamerchick · 02/08/2015 12:17

Happy birthday

Turn the birthday thing off on Facebook then you won't be disappointed. Now plan a pamper/anything you want day just for you. Be totally selfish.

My mother forgot mine one year, I wouldn't care but I'd spent the whole day with her. Nothing compared to losing yours the day before

Could you round your friends up and ask for their presence to do something? I know it's not the same as wanting people to remember and make a fuss of you but it may make you feel better.

Dey your eyes, get out of bed and go and have a shower... Then do something just for you/ all those yummy treats that you like type of thing.

ProudAS · 02/08/2015 12:17

Sounds like you're in a bad place OP. I suspect there's more to it than your birthday but the date has brought things to a head.

I wish I could help you more but there is light at the end if the tunnel.

Ilovenannyplum · 02/08/2015 12:18

Happy birthday!
I don't think YABU, it doesn't take much for people to send a quick message.
I hope the rest of your day picks up

SeraOfeliaFalfurrias · 02/08/2015 12:20

Oh, how sad for you, OP. But I agree with Donkey. People are so self-absorbed and insular these days, you need to remind them if you want any fuss. Have you got Facebook set up so that it knows your birthday and will tell your friends on their timeline? I only know about other people's birthdays and write on their timeline when Facebook reminds me to.

Without Facebook reminders, they only people who would know/remember (and who I would expect to remember) my birthday are DH and my mum.

It's my mum's birthday today too, as a random aside.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!

Littlecaf · 02/08/2015 12:25

Happy Birthday! Sending and I hope you have a lovely day.

nannyplumislostinspace · 02/08/2015 12:29

Happy birthday. Have a lovely day with your DH x

captainproton · 02/08/2015 12:30

Thank you everyone I do need to get over it. I can't spend every year thinking like this. I will get up and pull myself together.

I got to stop hoping and wishing things will change and people will remember. I have to change my response to it. I am BU to behave this way and ruin it for myself really.

When someone loses a loved one through suicide it becomes a massive elephant in the room. I don't think it was a coincidence my mother decides to OD the night before my birthday, I was her eldest child. We were NC because she was violent alcoholic but I did leave the door open for her to sort herself out and be part of my life.

Getting up now and will try not to think about it.

OP posts:

80sMum · 02/08/2015 12:36

Happy Birthday captainproton! It's a lovely sunny day. Out you go into the sunshine. That alone might lift your spirits a bit.
I'm so sorry about your mum.

MokunMokun · 02/08/2015 12:36

Why don't you put it up as your status? About your birthday, about your mum, how you are feeling. I know it's self indulgent but it sounds like you deserve a bit of self indulgence and I'm sure your friends would love to give you some support. Hope you have some nice cake or something.

specialsubject · 02/08/2015 12:42

sorry for all your troubles. But it is only one day, and it is the anniversary of an event that you don't remember!

don't publicise on facebook; your birth date is quite a crucial piece of ID theft info.

wishing you many happy days.

mammaof4girls · 02/08/2015 12:44

Happy Birthday!

I understand how you feel, My sister in law took her own life on my birthday 8 years ago and it definitely makes everyone feel awkward. I always feel guilty to celebrate so I always arrange to do things with friends. Can you arrange something with friends, it doesnt matter if you arrange it yourself. I know its rubbish when people forget but as a previous poster said before people are very self centred nowadays.

Try and enjoy your day and do something for your self.

WallyBantersJunkBox · 02/08/2015 12:47

Happy Birthday op.
Might not be too late to turn this around...can you do something nice with your DH tonight?

Smataya · 02/08/2015 12:48

So sorry to hear you are in pain

It sounds like you have other lovely relationships spesh with dh - sod fb it's toxic and you can always ask for your volunteer group to coordinate by email- it shouldn't be a given that you have to be on fb.
Try and do something nice in the sunshine and wising you a very happy birthday

Newtobecomingamum · 02/08/2015 12:50

I think this is more than just being upset as not many people have wished you happy birthdy. Understandably.. You are still heavily affected by what happened with your mother.
I really really wouldn't read much into it about not many people wishing you happy birthdy. The main thing is your dad and hubby remembered... Why so you need messages from other people? Is it a big or soecial birthday year? People love busy hectic life's and may not have seen on social media or remembered your birthdy.. Doesn't mean they don't care. The two most important people in your life hubby and dad did and that's all that should matter. There are some people out there who don't get any messages or cards etc at christmas and birthdays and have no one all by themselves. I would be greatful for what I have and go for a nice pub lunch or something with hubby and enjoy the sunshine.
Next year if you don't want the same thing to happen again and want people to remember it's your birthday, why not organise a birthday meal etc and invite people so that they know.

Theoldcauliflower · 02/08/2015 12:50

Happy Birthday op and have a few xx

Newtobecomingamum · 02/08/2015 12:51

Blimming tiny phone and auto text grrr sorry for all the typos!

Ps I forgot to wish you a happy birthday!

thenumberseven · 02/08/2015 12:58

Happy Birthday captain

My husband is rubbish at birthdays. In his family birthdays came and went unremarked whereas my mum made a fuss of our birthdays.
I have learned not to take it to heart. My youngest son is as bad as his dad.

Enjoy the rest of the day

19lottie82 · 02/08/2015 12:59

Happy Birthday! I understand your birthday makes you upset about your Mum but tbh, if your Dad, OH , in laws and 2 friends remembered then that's an acceptable number of people! That alone isn't worth getting upset about

Zillie77 · 02/08/2015 13:03

Happy Birthday Captain Proton!

salutes smartly

I hope you have a great day.
I don't mind when people forget my birthday-for some reason it doesn't bother me at all. I am sorry that it is clouding your day, though.

Zillie77 · 02/08/2015 13:04

Sorry about your mom-that's very rough.

eggyface · 02/08/2015 14:10

I'm really sorry for your loss. 4 years is not long to grieve a mother and the desperate circumstances would make it even worse. You are probably still in a grief state when things like fbook matter more than they should. Take care of yourself. And happy birthday x

WeirdCatLady · 02/08/2015 14:22

?H A P P Y B I R T H D A Y !!!!!!

For you and

Sending you a big birthday hug xxxxx

AndNowItsSeven · 02/08/2015 14:27

Happy birthday op, hope the rest of the day is better for you

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