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AIBU?

Mils dog and 8 week old baby.

80 replies

Mildogproblem · 02/08/2015 07:34

I have posted before regarding my mils dog and my concern around my baby being near it.

Baby is now 8 weeks old, beautiful and happy.

Mil is CONSTANTLY hinting she wants to take my baby home with her (is it my hormones making me so incandescent with rage when she says this?!) and inviting us around for bbqs finners etc.

So far we have managed to decline all invites. The dog has bitten several people in the past, friends, family and strangers. And this woman wants me to bring my baby to her house?!

She treats the dog like a human, talks about it CONSTANTLY to the point that everyone around her is bored of it. Fil regularly tells us in a jokey way about all the dogs recent attacks?! They seem to honestly find it funny.

My husband is really unhappy to tell his mother than we want the dog locked away either outside or behind a dog hate that we would provide when visiting. I am prepared to take baby there as long as this is followed, and I am always present. I can't even iMagine DH taking her there alone I would worry constantly.

I know she won't go for the locking away idea because she truely views the animal as a human child,

Soooo Aibu to request the dog is locked away? Aibu to say we won't visit unless it is locked away?

Aibu to say baby will only go there if I am present?

Or am aibu to even visit the house at all as long as the dog is there??

OP posts:

Report

Daisss · 02/08/2015 07:38

Visiting the home while the dog is locked in a cage- fine. I wouldn't trust it being locked in another room incase it slipped past a door which was being opened.

Leaving your baby there- absolutely not!

YANBU in the slightest, you're protecting your baby and if the dog comes before that I wouldn't be visiting at all.

Dollyemi · 02/08/2015 07:38

YANBU. "Sorry MIL, we're not bringing baby to your house as it bites". She can come to you and leave the mutt at home!

Mildogproblem · 02/08/2015 07:40

My husband seems to believe we're being grossly unfair.

A cage would be ideal, as I agree a door or gate could be slipped by. However she is a large dog in a small house, nowhere near enough room for a cage, sadly.

OP posts:

qazxc · 02/08/2015 07:41

I don't think you aibu in the slightest given the history of the dog.
My sil is uncomfortable about my cat being around her dd (who has never scratched anyone) so I don't think twice about locking her out (the cat not dsil). However prepare for tantrums and drama from your mil, just stand firm (your kid/your rules).

chekovatemycherry · 02/08/2015 07:41

Your baby - your choice.

personally, would not step foot in a house with my baby, where a dog has bitten people.

You are tge mother, NOONE takes your baby from you. You chose when you are happy to leave them. If you feel it's not safe, then so be it.

DH needs to have a frank and adult conversation with his mother; if it can't be resolved by shutting the dog away then they'll just have to visit you.

You do what you need to do to keep your child safe.

YANBU!

98percentchocolate · 02/08/2015 07:42

Yanbu - the dog has a history of attacking strangers, no way would I put a disruptive baby in its path! Babies cry at a really high frequency that can be antagonising to animals, I worry about babies around friendly dogs let alone one like this! I read think you have grounds to refuse to go at all, especially since they don't take the attacks seriously.

MidniteScribbler · 02/08/2015 07:43

I don't believe that you can tell someone what to do with their pet in their own home.

That said, you should certainly never allow your child over there if you do not feel it is safe.

BullshitS70 · 02/08/2015 07:49

why are you posting the same post as before OP? Nothing has changed

Newtobecomingamum · 02/08/2015 07:52

Absolutely not would I allow the baby to be around the dog!!! No no no no no. She can go and take a flying jump!! The dog had bitten other people ffs!!

You are 100% in the right listen to your instinct x

Mildogproblem · 02/08/2015 07:52

I lost the thread, and I wanted opinions on whether a gate is enough.

OP posts:

YouBastardSockBalls · 02/08/2015 07:54

Yanbu at all.

Wtf is wrong with your husband!?

Seriously, you don't trust him to look after his own baby (seemingly with good reason), and he is putting an animals feelings above your baby's health and wellbeing??

The mind boggles.

YouBastardSockBalls · 02/08/2015 07:55

But you MUST stick to your guns.

Either the dog is securely locked away when the baby visits, or the baby DOES NOT visit. You mustn't waver on this, as it doesn't seem that anyone else is willing to put the baby's welfare first.

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 02/08/2015 07:56

Why doesn't your husband feel the same way as you do?

Mildogproblem · 02/08/2015 08:01

He does feel the same. But he is also not keen to hurt his mothers feelings. It's a very difficult situation with big back story. But he doesn't want the dog around baby either, and wouldn't allow it

OP posts:

ollieplimsoles · 02/08/2015 08:03

I'm a dog lover op and its pretty simple, her dog has bitten people, shes not willing to adhere to your very reasonable wishes, so the baby doesn't get to go round- easy.

When you do take the baby around if she finally gets a grip, don't leave her alone with baby. Always follow your instincts, thats what they are there for, and tours are right on the money.

Congratulations, so glad your little one is doing well

ollieplimsoles · 02/08/2015 08:05

And your dh needs to get over this. The dog is not safe, and his mother is frankly insane.

He needs to take your side.

Diane31 · 02/08/2015 08:08

You are not being unreasonable. Not sure I would want to visit with the baby at all. I like dogs; I board them in my family home, only one or two at a time but I would never take any chances with small babies/children. I looked after a small yappy, lap dog once, could be lovely sitting on my little girl's knee but then would change and snap at us all. I learnt soon after that it's owner had to have it put down as it turned on her young niece.

FishWithABicycle · 02/08/2015 08:09

Yanbu at all. No a gate/door isn't enough. Fgs the standard advice for a totally good natured dog who has never bitten is to never be off your guard. This dog has a history as a biter. Your child shouldn't be anywhere near. If you or DH are always with your child and there are always two closed doors between the child and the dog with every adult respecting how important this is (two doors to prevent slipping through) then you can visit but tbf them coming to you and leaving the dog at home sounds much better.

Diane31 · 02/08/2015 08:11

And not to mention the jealous issue; if your mil dotes on it like a child etc.

FelineLou · 02/08/2015 08:12

You can buy all sizes of dog crate and they fold away when not in use. For a short visit it could be in the garden. This is a condition of your visits. Short term do they have a car - on cool days a short spell in the car may work for the dog. I had a rescue dog and used a crate for child visits. Dog grew to like it as a retreat from too much stimulus.

KatyN · 02/08/2015 08:13

My fil had a bulmastiff when my son was a baby. Fortunately my Sikhs already made the rule that the dog was kept in a different room when we visited so it was easy.
Often we would sit in the lounge while the dog had the run of the rest of the house.
Meant the dog and my fil was happy and we could relax without being mauled. I would suggest this is an easier compromise than insisting on a crAte.

avocadotoast · 02/08/2015 08:25

No. Fuck that. I wouldn't be going.

I went to someone's house a couple of weeks ago when DD was 8 weeks old. She has a cat, a pleasant purry one. I still kept hold of DD the whole time because you just don't know how animals will be. Even placid good tempered ones can suddenly turn.

So to go to a house where there's s dog that is known to be aggressive?! Noooooo no no no.

Show your MIL the news articles the reports of poor babies and children being attached by dogs, even previously lovely ones. Who cares if she's offended, her feelings aren't the priority here.

Or even better, get your DH to step up to the fucking plate and take some responsibility for his child's wellbeing and safety.

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Moreisnnogedag · 02/08/2015 08:28

FGS how dim is the woman? Although saying that has anyone actually asked to lock the dog out? Has she refused? She might not realise this is why you and your dh are refusing to bring baby to visit.

If however she's refused I would definitely not leave the baby around her without you there. She just wouldn't get it and would let the dog out (and find it hilarious when it's trying to chew your baby's toys, lick it's face etc etc).

Gwenci · 02/08/2015 08:36

This seems like an absolute no-brainer to me and I can't see how your MIL could be upset at the suggestion you only visit if the dog is locked away. If it was a placid dog that had never bitten I could understand if your MIL was more put out (still not unreasonable to not want even a friendly dog around a small baby IMO but I'd be more able to see why she might feel how she does) but this is a dog they know full well has bitten people.

I don't see how she can be put out if you nicely say 'thanks so much for the invite MIL but I just can't have DC around a dog that bites. But feel free to keep coming to us instead.'

What possible argument can she have against this?! Why on earth is your DH tiptoeing around making a completely and totally reasonable request for a dangerous dog to be kept away from your tiny baby?!

Gwenci · 02/08/2015 08:40

Sometimes I read threads like these and I think 'hmm, yeah, I can see how that'd be an awkward conversation to have.' This isn't one of those.

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