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To be annoyed that he's forgotten my birthday....again...

(24 Posts)
Ironmanrocks Sat 01-Aug-15 20:42:51

We are on holiday for a week....I booked it and had to force to him contribute (he works full time ..good job good wage...I work part time..not so good wage!) ...I discussed my birthday with him a week or so ago as we are away when it occurs...its tomorrow. He hasn't mentioned it and I know that he has forgotten. I wouldn't mind so much except our son is 5 and we always make a bit of a fuss...nice meals (in or out) cards, cake, singing. Last year he worked on a Saturday and left me on my own (we had recently moved so don't know many people and he does the rota...) a couple of years before that he only realised when people were calling to say happy birthday...I always have to remind him. I have organised surprise meals out/bbqs/day trips...all sorts for his. I always end up feeling upset and not cared about. Should I warn him now? Or let my boy sing happy birthday at breakfast and let him be embarrassed?!!

mileend2bermondsey Sat 01-Aug-15 21:00:01

No YANBU in my opinion, but for some reason on MN if you so much as expect your DP to remember your birthday you are an entitled princess.
On another note, your relationship sounds a bit unbalanced financially, especially as you have a child. And you booked the holiday and had to 'force' him to contribute, are you sure he even wanted to go?

ShadyMyLady Sat 01-Aug-15 21:21:00

YANBU.

Don't acknowledge his birthday next time, I'm sure he'd have something to say about that.

When I read threads like this, and they do come up a fair bit, I do sometimes think people make it worse by letting it bubble away inside. Why not just mention it in a casual way?

WorraLiberty Sat 01-Aug-15 21:24:15

If it's important to you, of course you should remind him about it.

Some people just don't remember dates, so I don't see the harm in reminding them.

It's not like a 'test of love' or anything.

Hope you have a great day thanks

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost Sat 01-Aug-15 21:24:58

YNBU. If my dp. Did not aknowledge my bday. I would not be pleased.
Yes I am an entitled princess I'll hold my hands up. grin

SnapesCapes Sat 01-Aug-15 21:28:51

I will openly admit to being a spoiled princess but frankly, I work bloody hard all year round to be a good Mum and Wife that if they didn't spoil me and make a fuss just once a year, I think I'd be pretty hurt.

WildwestWind Sat 01-Aug-15 21:31:22

Remind him then insist on going shopping so he can buy you a great gift. Next year give him plenty of notice and supply a list of things you'd like. Don't get annoyed just be pragmatic and prepared!

BettyCatKitten Sat 01-Aug-15 21:31:46

Yanbu.
Happy birthday for tomorrow flowerscakewine

ouryve Sat 01-Aug-15 21:37:46

Hell, YWNBU. Even if he doesn't naturally remember dates, tere are plenty of ways of remembering important dates, these days. It's as if he doesn't actually care.

And f course, some people don't. The key is, what would be his reaction if you ignored his birthday?

Ironmanrocks Sat 01-Aug-15 21:39:49

I always remind him around a week before. Same as this year. He's just a bit rubbish! We don't do anniversaries jus a handmade card by DS on mothers/Father's Day as its all a bit false to us. But I'm alwAys thoughtful to him on his bday! We shall see what happens I suppose... But thanks for your kind wishes! I am lucky and I know I could do a lot worse...but he just never thinks!! Ps he has the rest of the family on his phone to remind him...why not mine??!! I'm going to pick something out tomorrow and just make him pay for it!!

Griphook Sat 01-Aug-15 21:43:26

Don't remind him, let him be embarrassed, forcing someone to buy you a present takes the shine off it.

tell him that the amount of effort you put in for his birthday and Christmas will be judge on today's outcome

Ironmanrocks Sat 01-Aug-15 22:05:54

Ooh that's a good one...I almost missed Christmas this year as we had his family over - 15 in all....and I did everything pretty much...! He helped to clear up I believe...

squoosh Sat 01-Aug-15 23:25:04

YANBU.

To forget once is forgiveable, to forget on an annual basis takes some effort.

CarmonEileen Sat 01-Aug-15 23:56:47

Happy Birthday for tomorrow OP. we have the same Birthday grin last one in my 30's tomorrow.
wink

lastqueenofscotland Sun 02-Aug-15 00:01:55

YANBU

Birthdays/xmasses etc to me are a big deal, I make a serious effort for a select few on their birthdays, including DPs and expect it back. I LOVE giving gifts/finding cards that are right up peoples street etc.

Doest mean i want a fortune spent on me, but i want people to acknowledge the day as it were.

RJnomore Sun 02-Aug-15 00:04:22

Well it may not be a test of love but it sure as hell is a test of consideration when your oh knows it matters to you.

YANBU and I wouldn't be putting up with it. Too long in the tooth to feel unappreciated and not say anything about it.

lushaliciousbob Sun 02-Aug-15 00:06:54

Oh op that sucks sad I really hope he has remembered and he's just acting like he hasn't! happy birthday for tomorrow smile

Backforthis Sun 02-Aug-15 00:10:14

'It's not like a 'test of love' or anything'

Yes, it is. I'm sick of the attitude on here that if you expect any acknowledgement of your birthday it's your responsibility to remind your DP/H. In real life it is normal to know when your DP's birthday is and to give them a gift of some kind.

cleanindahouse Sun 02-Aug-15 09:48:28

I spent years reminding my ex about everyones birthday. I stopped after he went nuts at me for not reminding him it was his sisters birthday when i actually had reminded him 2 days before. He told me i was being deliberately shitty and had ruined his sisters birthday because he has forgotten and i hadn't reminded him on the day.

Happy Birthday Iron

spancake Sun 02-Aug-15 09:53:36

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! grin Hope you do have a good day. X

WeirdCatLady Sun 02-Aug-15 09:53:59

Happy birthday OP flowers cake wine

LazyLouLou Sun 02-Aug-15 09:57:26

Of course it is a test of love. Our society makes a fuss about birthdays, your special 1 day of the year days. Anyone who 'is just a bit shit about remembering' is being selfish snurd.

DH always got the date of mine wrong, anything from 2 days early to 2 weeks late. He always did something just not on the right day. I would always enjoy the whatever, smile and tell him X days earlier/later next year, please. He is now usually right, every year, though he does lose confidence and check a couple of weeks before.

But he never forgets, never says I should have reminded him, never did get pissy if he got it wrong. That's normal.

Happy Birthday OP. I hope you DS singing Happy Birthday made your OP feel guilty enough to do something wildly extravagant to apologise smile

pillowaddict Sun 02-Aug-15 09:57:58

Happy birthday ironman I hope the sun is shining where you are smile

tiggytape Sun 02-Aug-15 10:04:28

It's not like a 'test of love' or anything.
Well it kind of is. Making an effort to avoid doing something that hugely upsets your partner and that is a conventionally 'bad' thing to do (forgetting their birthday) does show how much you value them.

Happy Birthday OP - hope you have a lovely day.

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