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To be annoyed when my OH picks up calls from his ex wife during our dare night

(160 Posts)
Belame Sat 01-Aug-15 19:33:06

Am I being unreasonable to be annoyed when my OH picks up calls from his ex wife during our date night?

I've been seeing my bf for 3 years. He's been married before but his wife left him for another guy, despite the fact they had a 3 yr old boy. Time have passed and my bf being honorable man that he is, aged for her to keep the house for the sake of his ds. She's been nothing but horrible to him, kicking him out of the house, throwing his clothes out etc. Is been quite acrimonious and horrible at the time. In the meantime, the moment he's moved out she moved her new man in.
We've been seeing each other for quite some time, we don't live together but try to see each other 4-5 times a week. Obviously because of our busy work life I don't get to have a lot of date nights but when we do, we always have a nice time.
That's until she finds. And she always rings. She finds during our dinner together, she rings during our trips out. It's always the same thing, some sort of a stupid question or query. Whilst I know they have a child together, it's really annoying for me, because I just want to have our time together. But he ends up picking up, and it ends up annoying me. I end up being frustrated by constant reminders of her.

Am i being unreasonable to ask him to switch phone or not answer when we are having our date night?

Belame Sat 01-Aug-15 19:34:55

Sorry I meant date night... It's happened again tonight, and whilst I'm annoyed I'm just trying to pretend it didn't affect me. confused

ThoseAwfulCurtains Sat 01-Aug-15 19:35:41

What does he say when you tell him it annoys you?

Euphemia Sat 01-Aug-15 19:36:44

Have you asked him?

Belame Sat 01-Aug-15 19:37:20

He says she's ringing about their ds.

googoodolly Sat 01-Aug-15 19:38:15

He has a young child with her, he can't just ignore her! He probably feels duty-bound to answer, because the one time he didn't, would be the time it was an emergency and he would feel dreadful if he wasn't there.

It's tough though, because some ex's do just ring/text for attention and it's nothing to do with the child, but they use the DC as a reason for getting in contact all the time. Maybe he could have the phone on silent and check it in the toilets/when he goes to the bar or something? Would that be an option?

screenjunkie Sat 01-Aug-15 19:38:54

If they didn't have a child together then I would agree with you - but they do.

I think you just need to respect the fact that as a parent if the person who at that moment in time is looking after your child calls you, then you will answer the phone.

If anything happened to his son and he didn't know about it until after the date was over I don't think he'd be able to forgive himself.

I can appreciate its frustrating but I think you just have to accept its part of dating someone who has a child.

FurtherSupport Sat 01-Aug-15 19:39:04

I don't think you're unreasonable to be irritated, but OTOH he would be very unreasonable not to take a call from his child's mother, when the child is with her, cold be an emergency etc. I'm afraid this is one of those, if you're going to date a man with children moments....

Why does she call so often and what does he think about her calling so often?

seagreengirl Sat 01-Aug-15 19:39:57

How does she find out about the nights out with you. Is your OH telling her?

googoodolly Sat 01-Aug-15 19:40:47

I don't think it's necessary to answer every single phone call though. Surely if it's an emergency, she can text the problem if he doesn't answer, just like she would do if they were still together and he was at work or driving or something. It's far less intrusive to check a text than it is to talk on the phone, especially if it's not particularly important.

Belame Sat 01-Aug-15 19:42:05

His little boy is 7 now, and even thought they've not been together for 4 years now, she keeps ringing. And it's just so irritating. Like I can never get away from her. II wonderhow she would feel if I started invading her relationship space every weekend.

Bellebella Sat 01-Aug-15 19:42:26

They have a child together so while it's annoying he can't exactly ignore the phone call. How would you feel if his son was in an accident and he ignored the call because he was out with you?

Apart from suggesting to him he tells the ex to call only for important things, there is not much else to be done.

Icimoi Sat 01-Aug-15 19:42:59

When you say she "finds", do you mean she finds out, or is it a typo for "phones"?

APlaceOnTheCouch Sat 01-Aug-15 19:43:07

YABU to even think of asking him to switch off his phone. What if something did happen to his DS? I'm guessing her calls don't dominate the night ie they take about ten minutes rather than four hours? If so, then you need to suck it up, start focusing on the time when he's not on the phone rather than obsessing about when he is on the phone to her.

To be blunt, you're seeing him 4 - 5 times a week so you sound like you're spending a lot of time together. He has a DC so some of your time is going to be interrupted by calls.

of course if the calls are actually taking hours then YWNBU to ask him to make them shorter

Bellebella Sat 01-Aug-15 19:43:15

Oh and you can never get away from her. When you go out with someone with a child, the ex will always be around.

pinkyredrose Sat 01-Aug-15 19:44:02

She's just ringing to piss you off, she could call at other times. Why won't he just call her back later or let her leave a voice mail?

screenjunkie Sat 01-Aug-15 19:44:52

His little boy is 7 now, and even thought they've not been together for 4 years now, she keeps ringing.

He's still a young child, I don't think the fact that he's 7 makes any difference.

II wonderhow she would feel if I started invading her relationship space every weekend.

Why sink to that level? If you are secure in your relationship then just let it go over your head.

Maybe ask your partner that he not mention that you are going out.

Belame Sat 01-Aug-15 19:44:56

I think it may be that it's him answering that really annoys me. I always feel like I'm third priority. After his ds, her and me. Today we were in this restaurant that I wad looking forward to go to for months and obviously mid main course he gets a call and just starts talking on the phone line is the most natural thing.

I feel like he doesn't care about my feelings at all.

FortyCoats Sat 01-Aug-15 19:46:12

Yanbu imo.

If there's an emergency, text or ring twice (that agreement can easily be discussed) otherwise wait for a call to be returned.

FurtherSupport Sat 01-Aug-15 19:46:28

What are they talking about - i.e. is it always child related or other stuff?

googoodolly Sat 01-Aug-15 19:47:29

You'll never get away from her. She's the mother of his son. She'll be there everyday for the rest of his life! School, parent's evenings, concerts, nativity plays, exam results, graduation, 21st birthday, engagement, wedding, family funerals...she'll be in your DH's life forever, and if you stay with him, in your life too.

It's tough, yes, but you chose to date someone with a child. You can't just get rid of his ex because she's irritating!

Belame Sat 01-Aug-15 19:48:24

I understand her has a child with her, but can I not get an uninterrupted 2 hrs once a week.
It's it too much to ask? I don't see how having a child means that youre on call to your ex 24hrs 7days a week.

pigsDOfly Sat 01-Aug-15 19:48:27

It's not unreasonable to be irritated by this but as pps have said it's something that is going to be part and parcel of your relationship if it has any future.

Would you want to be with a man who ignored a phone call that relates to his child?

On the other hand I think that once he's answered her call and if it isn't something urgent it's not unreasonable for him to tell her he will call her back at a more convenient time and cut the call short.

How does she find out that he's going to be on a date night with you? Who tells her, and why does she need to know?

LowCarbHeaven Sat 01-Aug-15 19:48:49

The fact is though she is not ringing with an emergency. He needs to tell her that she is only to call him if it's an emergency or something important and anything else she can text him about or arrange to speak to him at a time (which isn't date time).

SpendSpendSpend Sat 01-Aug-15 19:49:36

Shes a pain in the arse.

The chances of any of her calls being an emergency are extremely slim.

Me and my sister have both been through this and each time its been worked out that the ex rings when they are rather not getting on with their partner or their partner is working away.

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