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AIBU to think this isn't right?

(15 Posts)
MrsGannicus Sat 01-Aug-15 18:58:09

DS is just 4 and neighbour's DS is nearly 5. NDS has always been a bit mean sometimes but nothing too over the top. Just quite a handful. In the last few weeks I have heard him say some awful stuff to DS. First I heard him repeatedly whispering "Kill MrsGannicus" to DS. NDS'S mum just said "oh we don't say that". Inside I was fuming. Then NDS and DS were in the park and DD(2) was running around when NDS said "Get her. Let's tear her in half and see her skeleton". I have avoided DS going over for a play since but think I can only do this for so long as we live next door. There are lots of other issues too. NDS pushing DS etc and gets very possessive of DS if his other friends are around and tries to stop him playing with them. I don't know what to do. NDS'S mum is very nice but a bit weak with him. Also am a bit disturbed but some of this comments TBH and just want to see what you all think as to whether that is what some boys just say and whether I'm being a bit PFB wanting to stop DS seeing him.

Aramynta Sat 01-Aug-15 19:00:50

Not PFB at all.

Have you actually spoken properly to the Mum about it? That might be the place to start.

The only other thing would be to try and restrict your DS contact with the other boy, which I imagine is quite a difficult thing to do.

AuntyMag10 Sat 01-Aug-15 19:03:01

Yanbu, that sounds quite disturbing. I would also restrict your ds playing with him. When he made the first comment, I would have said something directly to him even if his mother was there. If she asks tell her why.

MrsGannicus Sat 01-Aug-15 19:03:34

I haven't spoken to the mum about it yet. It's hard to bring up but yes, is probably about time we had a chat about it. She didn't hear the skeleton comment either and I don't know how on earth I could tell her that her son said that.

mileend2bermondsey Sat 01-Aug-15 19:03:54

Those are really disturbing things for a child of that age to say. Not PFB at all.

QuiteLikely5 Sat 01-Aug-15 19:05:06

I would actually talk to his mother.

Be very nice about it all. Tell her what he said at the park etc and say your son was starting to say similar so could she have a word.

Other than that just really limit their time together.

Hassled Sat 01-Aug-15 19:06:02

That is pretty grim, even from a 5 year old (who do say some pretty grim stuff). I think you probably need to be really busy for a while and do what you can to reduce contact. I can see that talking to the mother will be excruciating, though.

mrsb83 Sat 01-Aug-15 19:07:17

YANBU at all. You need to speak to the mum. Her DS is obviously hearing that language from somewhere as she needs to be aware if nothing else.

Aramynta Sat 01-Aug-15 19:08:11

You just have to be brave and tell her. Maybe ask her why he would say something like the first comment and go from there? He might have picked it up from something as simple as a cartoon on TV (we had to ban DS from watching a couple when he started saying he was going to punch everyone).

It needs to be nipped in the bud now. Does the child attend school?

Only1scoop Sat 01-Aug-15 19:11:35

When dd started reception she started coming out with some horrible things 'I'm going to kill you' 'your going to die for that' I mentioned it to teacher and it died down a little but then later equally horrid sayings arise.

Horrid isn't it.

LazyLohan Sat 01-Aug-15 19:11:57

YANBU. I would be seriously worried about where this child is picking up this stuff too. Is his mother letting him watch inappropriate films or video games? Could he be exposed to violence somewhere? Maybe at his Dad's?

Booboostwo Sat 01-Aug-15 19:31:11

I have to disagree with most of the thread, what he says is neither disturbing nor uncommon. He is not an adult, he doesn't fully understand what he is saying. My 4yo told me her imaginary friends told her to kill me...I am not taking it to heart.

As for the pushing it depends on how often he does it, how hard and whether your DS is upset about it.

Being possessive if your DS is a very common phase, he will get over it.

TheReason Sat 01-Aug-15 19:32:13

DS age 5 often says things like that. He doesn't hear it from us. I'm sure not all children say it but it doesn't bother me that he says it. He's young and learning.

He also says lots of lovely kind things - he loves babies and puppies etc and will talk about how cute they are and how he will take care of them.

I do tell him it's not nice to say certain things.

Children see things about skeletons or death etc in innocent enough films and cartoons. Most of them thankfully don't know yet what death truly means or what it really means to grieve.

DurhamDurham Sat 01-Aug-15 19:34:58

When my oldest daughter was three she was playing on the floor happily when she stood up and announced she was " going for a piss "...........we had no idea where she got it from and had to explain to her that it wasn't a nice thing to say.....once she left the room we fell about laughing because it was just so at odds with our very cute little girl. She certainly didn't get it from us so you can't always blame the parents smile

FanOfHermione Sat 01-Aug-15 19:41:09

I don't think it's disturbing but I would be thinking he is watching programs that aren't his age (or games or have an older brother/sister/cousins that comes out with these gems).

I would be much more concerned about the 'jealousy' bit and the pushing if that's repeated and over the top.

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