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To be so mad at myself for believing the bs

(11 Posts)
SamVJ888 Sat 01-Aug-15 18:57:10

Could literally scream at my own stupidity!! Ex doesn't pay for dd, hasn't paid a penny since last December and before that it was March. Dd has a disability and needs some further tests which she's been on a waiting list now for 10 months for. I've decided to pay for them myself as we just don't know when she will be seen. Needless to say they're pretty expensive (don't expect any sympathy I know this is my choice), anyway ex said, promised, crossed his heart and hoped to die, that he would pay a proportion (albeit a small one) today. He's now fallen off the edge of the earth, not answering calls or texts.
I'm so mad at myself for actually believing him, I know better. We've been split for years, I know he's a lying twat, I know he's selfish and thinks of no-one but himself, I know his money is for him and him alone but I still believed him. Aaaarrrrrgggghhhh!!!

CuttedUpPear Sat 01-Aug-15 19:00:47

What's your AIBU?

Hissy Sat 01-Aug-15 19:01:54

Csa an option?

Poor you, often it's not even the money so much as their utter fuckwittedness and the fact that we blindly hope they will one day step up and be a decent human being.

WorraLiberty Sat 01-Aug-15 19:03:28

It's in the title Cutted...

Oh that's shit OP but don't beat yourself up. It's understandable to want to believe him being as though he's her Dad sad

QuiteLikely5 Sat 01-Aug-15 19:07:30


Do yourself a favour and expect nothing from this man and you won't be disappointed. Some people really are weeds.

pippitysqueakity Sat 01-Aug-15 19:08:48

Harsh pear.
Sorry this has happened OP. He obviously needs some lessons in parenthood!
(You ANBU for feeling rubbish about this!)

SamVJ888 Sat 01-Aug-15 19:09:02

Wish CSA was an option Hissy. He's self employed so runs rings round them with his salary (apparently he earned less that equivalent to minimum wage), he moves house, changes numbers etc and if I'm honest I've given up. Just so no one actually feels sorry for him he's got enough money to have a brand new 4x4 and so I learned a few months ago a not unsubstantial coke habit. Utter utter scumbag!!! Think I need a cuppa and a calm down....

yorkshapudding Sat 01-Aug-15 19:19:07

YANBU to be mad at the fuckwit. YABU to be mad at yourself. Even though you're not together and you know his faults, I think it's understandable that you'd want to believe that he would step up and do right by his DD where her health is concerned. Don't beat yourself up about it. He's the one in the wrong here and you can bet he won't be beating himself up!

I hope your DD is still able to have the investigations she needs and that it's a good outcome flowers

cleanindahouse Sat 01-Aug-15 19:24:28


Yeah, it is daft to fall for it again and again, but you're not alone there. I've done it heaps of times because I wanted to believe that deep down there was a decent guy there who was going to do the right thing.

I think you just have to never depend on guys like this for anything then if they do come through it's just a bonus. It's shit and it's not fair but it saves you from feeling the way you do today.

One of the things that kept me going when he was at his worst was that i knew i could sleep at night because i was doing right by our children. I knew he couldn't no matter what front he presented and that gave me a perverse satisfaction.

He's a tosser.

SamVJ888 Sat 01-Aug-15 19:26:46

Clean - are you my mum? You sound just like her grin

cleanindahouse Sat 01-Aug-15 19:29:51

Unless you're a 13 or 14 year old boy, then i don't think so...

You should listen to your mum then. And me. smile

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