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to stay married to DH or should I ask him and his KING DICK adjustable spanner to leave? ( Lighthearted and long)

(31 Posts)
LuluJakey1 Sat 01-Aug-15 16:24:42

Today is our 6th wedding anniversary.
On the positive side, he got me beautiful flowers, my favourite chocolates and perfume and body stuff and a silly book and a lovely card. And he booked our favourite Italian restaurant for lunch. So all good so far. smile

As we were getting ready to go out the washer went on the bathroom tap. Now, this is a regular thing and I keep a supply of washers ad the two tools needed in the bolier cupboard. But they were not there.
Me. Have you moved them
DH. No.............oh yes I did.
ME. Well could you get them please?
DH. I think I put them in my toolbox, I am sre that is where I would have put them.
Note, he has no idea where he put them, and he refers to his 'toolbox' which is a euphemism for 'box of useless old toot'. Anyway, he went to look for it and came back 10 minutes later looking puzzled saying it was not in the shed or garage. I went down and it was in the garage - took 30 seconds to find. He opened the 'toolbox' and looked at it thoughtfully.
DH. They don't seem to be in here. I can't think where else I would hae put them. Have you been in my toolbox for aything Lu?
Me. Nope
He goes off and comes back 5 minutes later with a screwdriver by which time I am lying on the bed with DS eating chocolates and rubbing body lotion on my arms.
DH. Did you turn the water off?
Me. Yes
DH. Right off? It's important it is right iff.
Me. Yes
DH. If I can just remember where I put the washers I can get started on the job.
FFS it is changing a washer, it isn't like he was re- plumbing a bathroom. (God forbid!) He ferrets on looking for the packet of washers- in bedside drawers, DS's room. medicine cabinet. Then remembers he put them at the back of his pants drawer so they would be safe. ( From what?? confused )

As he is changing the washer, which I could have done in 5 mins but he insisted and it took him 15, I photographed the 'toolbox' for you so you knew I wasn't making it up.

It contained the following (all essential to any well-equipped toolbox)
a piece of string
a filthy plastic eye bath
a small unused nailbrush
a hot water bottle stopper
a Remington nose hair remover hmm
2 bottle openers
a drawing pin
a pack of Christmas cracker screwdrivers
two used wall plugs
about 6 mixed size screws
6 old tools, most of which are screwdrivers but one is an ancient adjustable spanner with the words KING DICK impressed in the steel grin grin

He had no idea what I was so amused by and is so cack handed he managed to cut his hand on the screwdriver and I had to do some first aid.

Anyway, we had a lovely lunch and walked back home along the sea front. DS is asleep. DH is consolidating all the tools he can find in his toolkit to beef it up. He is up to about 10 and 8 are screwdrivers.

So, is he a keeper or should I kick him and his KING DICK adjustable spanner out?

LuluJakey1 Sat 01-Aug-15 16:27:55

Better photo of KING Dick adjustable spanner. God knows where he got it. It looks at least 50 years old.

balls2DWall Sat 01-Aug-15 16:27:56

read it twice ... cant find the aibu question? perhaps chat maybe?

confusedandemployed Sat 01-Aug-15 16:32:23

That is one well-equipped toolbox...YANBU to leave him but what on earth will you do the next time you need to bathe a manky eye, or scrub your fingernails? You need to think carefully about this OP.


MaidOfStars Sat 01-Aug-15 16:38:42

Two fuses, don't forget the fuses.

StealthPolarBear Sat 01-Aug-15 16:38:48

Just banish him to the shed for a day or two. He can trim his nasal hair while he's there

BoneyBackJefferson Sat 01-Aug-15 16:40:11

You could just visit Kingdicktools

It is a real tool site and very much still producing high performance, quality hand tools successfully used by professionals Worldwide and are situated in Birmingham.

MaidOfStars Sat 01-Aug-15 16:40:24

And a Giant's needle threader.

YoureMyWifeNowDave Sat 01-Aug-15 16:43:10

My Dad had one of those adjustable spanners when I was small grin I bet it's probably languishing in the bottom of the box of crap toolbox in my garage now

MaryBerrysEyelashes Sat 01-Aug-15 16:43:38

fuckign light fucking hearted

Oldraver Sat 01-Aug-15 16:52:10

Thats not a tool box....toolboxes have to be well more manley

I use one of them for sewing.

He isnt one of these that covets new toolboxes all the time but has nothing to fill them with like my Dad.

When they moved abroad my Mum found loads of tool boxes she new nothing about, most of them empty. She then gave me a giant metal Finish dishwasher tablets box (Costco size) saying she wouldn't need them..when I got home and opened it gues what it contained ?

Tools grin

CoogerAndDark Sat 01-Aug-15 16:52:18

Aha, I see you have the essential Barbecue Skewer in the top of the toolbox. To be frank, if it can't be fixed/unblocked with one of those you probably need a professional in.

He hasn't got a MiceMuck in there. Shame. They are a little smaller than a Ratchet.

LuluJakey1 Sat 01-Aug-15 17:59:23

He has no idea where he got any of the tools and the Remington nose hair trimmer does not belong to us!!! God knows where that came from.

He only ever goes in the shed to get a garden chair or the lawn mower.

Perhaps it is a KING DICK classic tool and worth something. I shall see on ebay.

I also have a toolbox which is full of toot but better toot than his. I will keep mine to another day- it is at the back of the garage which is being de-cluttered next week. But it has tools in it, old ones but proper ones, not Christmas cracker screw driver kits.

He has found my hammer but I have told him he can't put it in his toolbox. I also have a saw - a proper one, oiled in its box. smile

He has not taken a single thing out of his to get rid of. He is thinking he could sterelise the eye bath by boiling it then putting it in DS's stereliser. DH .

WhirlpoolGalaxyM51 Sat 01-Aug-15 18:03:42

I can't be bothered to read it all.

King Dick is a good brand of spanners and things.

Mt dad has some. You can get really massive ones if that tickles you?

RiverTam Sat 01-Aug-15 18:03:51

I love that he keeps washers in his pants drawer to keep them safe. I have excruciating toothache and am having a shitty day but that has cheered me up no end, so thanks OP and OP's DH.

TeaPleaseLouise Sat 01-Aug-15 18:10:02

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LuluJakey1 Sat 01-Aug-15 18:17:02

I have looked on ebay. Worth about 8.99 so not a fortune to be made from it.

Whirlpool - you are obviously au fait with tools. I am obviously not and my pathetically childish sense of humour has got the better of me on this one. Sorry if it is all too dreary for you grin but I am still giggling at DH with a King Dick adjustable spanner, an eye bath, two bottle openers and a hot water bottle stopper and a Remington Nose Hair trimmer (broken) as his toolkit collection. The least King Dick DIYer I can imagine.

Bubblesinthesummer Sat 01-Aug-15 18:20:57

My DH has about three of those 'boxes' hmm however whenever we need something doing it has to involve a trip to B&Q for stuff...

Plus when stuff is mislaid of course it is me that's moved it.

sugar21 Sat 01-Aug-15 18:25:45

I went on a hen night many moons ago and the male entertainer was called King Dick and ye gods I have never seen such a tool before or since. grin

CanadianJohn Sat 01-Aug-15 18:55:16

That looks more like a fishing box than a tool box. I am a retired toolmaker, I know toolboxes.

Our Big Dictionary is known as Biggus Dickus, after we saw the Life of Brian. <irrelevant>

CuttedUpPear Sat 01-Aug-15 18:59:51

What's the AIBU?

This is what _Chat is for surely?

Hassled Sat 01-Aug-15 19:03:18

DH can't do even a minor DIY job without first going to Homebase to replace the vital tool that he's managed to lose. I've just done The Big Garage Sort Out and found so many boxes of random crap and tools it's embarrassing - I'm going to have to get Homebase to ban him.

winewolfhowls Sat 01-Aug-15 21:53:28

Haha this amused me op. I have a dh that Is very similar

dodobookends Sun 02-Aug-15 00:05:07

Christmas Cracker screwdrivers grin

Mind you, they do come in handy sometimes, we have two sets...

TheRealAmyLee Sun 02-Aug-15 00:19:29

My toolbox looks remarkably similar. It also contains half a door handle and 5 mismatching curtain rings...

A few years back I broke my glasses. Dh came to the rescue with his christmas cracker screwdriver kit. You've never seen a man look so proud grin

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