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To think children should not be 'named and shamed' on Facebook?

(43 Posts)
RochelleGoyle Sat 01-Aug-15 12:09:19

A friend of mine has shared a post with a photograph of two boys who look about 11 or 12. The accompanying text asks if anyone knows their identity because one of them had grabbed her 12 year old daughter's phone, thrown it on the floor and smashed it. It also says they should be 'named and shamed'.

I completely understand the poster's anger and distress for her daughter, but seriously? Do we really condone the public shaming of misbehaving children? Please tell me IANBU!

woowoo22 Sat 01-Aug-15 12:10:05


Samcro Sat 01-Aug-15 12:13:53

"misbehaving children?"
If I was the mum I would be involving the police not FB

LokiBear Sat 01-Aug-15 12:14:20

I think it is the wrong forum for 'naming and shaming' anyone, let alone children. I often wonder how true anything I see on a 'please repost this' post. Often the argument is one sided and then lots of people wade in. Not the right way to go about seeking justice when you have been wronged. The whole 'breastfeeding mum in Primark' debacle proved that. YANBU.

MrsToddsShortcut Sat 01-Aug-15 12:29:28

Oh God, I totally agree. Deal with it properly and call the police - they are children and any social media guff has the potential to follow them around forever.

I get loads of this from a friend that I unfollow as it's usually 'these two blokes stole/smashed/swore at my Bike/car/granny'. Let's get the bastards'. This is followed by streams of angry mob idiocy involving threats to 'send the lads round', beat them up, name and shame, and then inevitably some twat posts an address and I end up reporting and blocking.

It's very depressing. And I do wonder if it occurs to any of these 'good-hearted' vigilantes that if they do want to go the police and prosecute, they're not doing themselves any favours by splashing this crap all over social media.

RochelleGoyle Sat 01-Aug-15 12:37:20

Yes Samcro, misbehaving. It's clearly awful behaviour and the poster would have been well within her rights to go to the police, but putting their photos on Facebook is unnecessary.

ollieplimsoles Sat 01-Aug-15 12:57:54

Ha! Its destruction of property! Little shits need to have the police involved never mind facebook.

This sort of thing is all kinds of weird, why would you put a photo of them on facebook, its so attention seeking, just deal with it the normal way, before we lived our lives on the internet

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost Sat 01-Aug-15 13:26:16

Well what they did is bullying. Should bullies not be named and shamed. Sorry if I offend anyone but it's how I feel.
How about some sympathy for this poor girl and her mother.
Children have been known to committ suicide over bullying.
I'd say it's worthy of shaming.
Sorry but I can't abide bullies.
I'd make damn sure my child was named and shamed if she attempted to bully anyone.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost Sat 01-Aug-15 13:31:36

I guess the mother did this because she was angry. Such is being a mother. Anyone or anything hurts your child. Regardless how big. How small. The claws come out. It's an animal instinct.
I remember my sister telling us years ago that this girls mum was pulling this other girl around by the hair and screaming. Fuckin leave her alone. You little twat. How fuckin hard are you with me. And you can go and get your mother. Bit or rather very extreme and I am not condoning it but it is clear this mother and child could not take any more.
Don't know what happened over it, mind. The girl soon left after.

googoodolly Sat 01-Aug-15 13:43:10

YANBU. I don't trust those posts because the kids pictured could be anyone. You only have the posters' word that they've done what they have, and it leads to all kind of insults chucked around at random people. They're children, FGS.

What they did was wrong, and the mum in question should absolutely ring the police - it was criminal damage after all, but posting on FB/MN/wherever is not the right way to go about getting justice for her DD.

RochelleGoyle Sat 01-Aug-15 13:45:21

That sounds like you condone bullying the bully lighthouse? I have a lot of sympathy for the girl and her mother and am not sympathising with the boys in question. I just don't think trying to shame them on the internet is right. What does that teach the young victim?

itsmeitscathy Sat 01-Aug-15 20:39:33

I don't think the Internet is the forum for shaming anyone - things spread like wildfire on a "guilty even when proven innocent" basis

LilyMayViolet Sat 01-Aug-15 20:45:34

I do agree with you in relation to fbook. I find anything unpleasant related to children on there upsetting. I can only assume she didn't know who the boys were and wanted to find out. Taking someone's phone and smashing it on the ground is extremely serious and I hope they are found and dealt with. Poor girl.

LazyLohan Sat 01-Aug-15 20:49:13

How did they get the photographs of them if they don't know who they are?

I don't agree with naming and shaming but I can understand trying to find out who they are. In my experience the police would have very little interest in cases like this and certainly wouldn't spend time and resources trying to find out who it was. The mother has more chance of getting a reaction out of them with a name.

cardibach Sat 01-Aug-15 20:54:03

It's nit bullying unless they have repeatedly victimised the child who owns the phone. It is terrible, possibly criminal behaviour, but not bullying. I get really cross when people call one incident bullying - it completely undermines those who have actually been bullied.

MadamArcatiAgain Sat 01-Aug-15 20:54:06

Isn t she just trying to find out who they are so she can take it further?

DogsAreNicerThanPeople Sat 01-Aug-15 21:00:07

We obviously have friends in common OP because I've read that post too. The daughter was texting her mum, then mid text the boy snatched the phone out of hand and deliberately smashed it. If that happened to my daughter I'd do my best to find out the identity of the boy too.

Iloveonionchutney Sat 01-Aug-15 21:00:43

rochelle youust live near me as I've seen the posts today. It seems to be a thing on a local page recently that started with older teenagers last week kicking off wing mirrors and their photos were put on too!

AuntyMag10 Sat 01-Aug-15 21:02:52

Dogs that's awful, poor girl. I can't blame the mother at all. Those shits need to be identified and dealt with.

lem73 Sat 01-Aug-15 21:05:58

I find this story interesting because last year my 11 year old ds was at the park with some friends. They were waiting their turn at the scooter park which was full of much older teenagers who were swearing (as usual). A woman with a couple of small children tapped their shoulders and said 'how dare you swear when there are small children around'. They said it wasn't them it was the teenagers. She then said 'don't you be rude and answer back'. They said they were just defending themselves and it went back and forth a bit. She then said 'I'm taking your pictures and I'm getting you into trouble' and she did. The boys, who were only aged 10 and 11, asked her to delete them but she refused. Ds came straight home because he was unhappy about the thought of a stranger having his picture on her phone and I went back to the park with him but couldn't find her. My point is there are always two sides to a story and 'naming and shaming' is nonsensical when the other side haven't had a chance to defend or explain themselves. The woman had accused ds of something which he claimed he didn't do. What if she'd stuck his picture on Facebook? ( I'm not on Facebook but I asked my friends to keep an eye out) That's why we have the police.

swallowed Sat 01-Aug-15 21:06:59

Dear God YANBU.

Someone put my child like that on Facebook and no matter what they did I'd be on to the police.

Newbrummie Sat 01-Aug-15 21:11:49

The mother probably did it as a last resort after getting nowhere with the police and schools

Maryz Sat 01-Aug-15 21:16:16

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

clicketyclick66 Sat 01-Aug-15 21:20:32

Evil little sh*ts, the mum was right to name and shame them!

DogsAreNicerThanPeople Sat 01-Aug-15 21:21:52

I doubt the police would be interested unfortunately, they've got bigger crimes to solve. I've had a window deliberately smashed by a teen and the police weren't interested. The mother has probably posted on Facebook as a last resort.

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