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To expect a thanks for gifts?

(28 Posts)
sheldonconk Fri 31-Jul-15 17:57:18

In the past month or so there's been 4 birthdays in my family/amongst family friends. Two of my nephews turned 18, one family friend was 22 and the other 20. I sent each of them a gift and some birthday money. Out of the 4 of them 1 has texted me to say "thanks". No acknowledgement at all from the other 3.
I really don't expect a lengthy 2 page handwritten note but I do think that it's incredibly rude not to take a few seconds to acknowledge a gift via text, email or even fbook. I'm considering not bothering next time.
Aibu?

nitsparty Fri 31-Jul-15 18:08:24

YANBU! OK if it was just a card, but for gifts, I would want thank yous. Did you hand them over in person and get thank yous at the time, perhaps? if not I think they're damn rude. I'd be furious if my daughter did this.

haveabreakhaveakitkat Fri 31-Jul-15 18:09:02

Yanbu. If a gift is sent by post it's good manners to let the sender know it's arrived safely as well as thanking them.

Kraggle Fri 31-Jul-15 18:09:39

I get annoyed when dh's family don't say thank you for gifts. I think it's quite rude. Even just a message on Facebook saying ta very much doesn't cost anythjng does it.

swallowed Fri 31-Jul-15 18:10:25

It's bloody rude.

Unfortunately it seems to be happening more and more. I've been to weddings where I haven't received a thank you card, or where it has taken the bride and groom 6 months to get around to sending them. So rude.

Such entitled behaviour. I wouldn't be sending a gift next year. They're too old for presents anyway past 18.

sheldonconk Fri 31-Jul-15 18:11:18

Thank you both! One of my nephews sent a quick sweet message to me on fbook "thanks so much for the lovely pressie, I so appreciate it, loads of love" type of thing. Probably took him 30 seconds but just shows he got it and appreciated it! Really pissed off with the other 3!

sheldonconk Fri 31-Jul-15 18:12:12

Exactly, it takes seconds to text or message these days!

Bluecheese22 Sat 01-Aug-15 16:10:30

That infuriates me! It literally takes seconds to text/ring/email. We bought for a friends little girl when she easy born/christening/first birthday and heard nothing, no-one in our group did. They got married earlier this year and we all opted out of the 'we want money in card'. Might sound petty but why bother when it's not appreciated?

LilyMayViolet Sat 01-Aug-15 16:23:58

Thanks BlueCheese, I agree with you and have now decided not to bother if people can't be arsed to even text a brief "thanks". Funnily enough I asked a mum and a dad of 2 of the young people in question if the gift had been received and they responded along the lines of "oh yeah, s/he loved it." So I know they got it but they just can't be bothered to say thanks! Oh well, saves me money in the future!

TheseventeenthSixteen Sat 01-Aug-15 16:59:13

YABU. Family wedding at other end of country, involving travel/accommodation as well as £100 cheque for gift. Was v happy to go and share the special day, but a thank you would have been nice.

TheseventeenthSixteen Sat 01-Aug-15 16:59:40

Sorry, YANBU!!!!!

Kayakwonder Sat 01-Aug-15 17:06:13

YANBU. I find it unbelievable now the option of a text or Facebook message exists (both of which take seconds) how often people don't say thank you for gifts/money.

mushypeasontoast Sat 01-Aug-15 17:09:15

Going against the grain here but I think yabu. In my opinion you give because you want to, because you feel that the recipient would like it and that it will add something to their life.
A gift that is given in expectation of something in return is not a gift. Even if that is a thank you. A true gift is given freely.

MiddleAgeMiddleEngland Sat 01-Aug-15 17:38:37

I've given birthday and Christmas money to a young relative for years, never had a thank you although her mother has sometimes told me it had been received.

The relative is now having a baby and I've decided not to send anything at all. Won't go down well but I can't be doing with bad manners.

DisappointedOne Sat 01-Aug-15 17:42:20

Drives me crackers. I handed a present for a nephew over to SIL and still got no "thank you". It's the very first thing I do if someone hands me something!

Ladyconstance Sat 01-Aug-15 18:01:15

It's just incredibly rude and thoughtless. Is it only 'young people' who do this though? Perhaps next time, if you're asking parents whether the gift was received, you could add 'I haven't heard anything from [recipient] so I wasn't sure they'd got it'. And definitely scale down or forget about future presents for the non-thankers.

LilyMayViolet Sat 01-Aug-15 18:44:04

I still think a quick "thanks" to acknowledge the gift has arrived and is appreciated is in order mushy. Would you honestly not expect a word of thanks?

Pancakeflipper Sat 01-Aug-15 19:08:45

Oh it makes me roll my eyes about true gifts given freely.... yeah but what is wrong with saying thank you? Is it really hard to do especially with emails and texts so easy to send?

I still don't know if the bride and groom got the pressie at a wedding we went to as gifts were whisked off us by the wedding planning person when we arrived. Never had a thanks. I often wonder if it got lost in the mass of gifts.

The bride might have wrote threads on MN about the rude guests who rocked up to her wedding, ate a fabulous 5 course meal, drank the champers, boogied on down, supped the cocktails and never even handed over a card...

mushypeasontoast Sat 01-Aug-15 19:54:33

No, I don't expect a thank you. I appreciate it if I am thanked but never expect it. Those I choose to give gifts to are people that I love having in my life and from whom a thank you is not needed.

appalachianwalzing Sat 01-Aug-15 20:02:24

I think YAB a bit U. Presumably since they are major birthdays they'll be getting loads of cards with money tucked in: at that age, it can feel really awkward responding, especially to older family members. I'm presuming you think they all have your number, but would you really text regularly? (I'm assuming you're 'next generation' since you say nephew, but I appreciate you may not be) In my family, we basically never sent anything formal, would obviously be very enthusiastic with thanks for anything we were given in person, and its only once we've reached our mid/late twenties that we follow up. So I rang my uncle to say thank you for the engagement present he sent, but I'm sure completely ignored the twenty pounds he sent for my 18th and 21st, as my cousins did to what they were sent until we all got to the stage where we had our own homes and households and basically started interacting as equals.

It didn't mean I didn't appreciate them, just that at that age I found calls and formal thanks a bit awkward. Also, I do think people should sent thank yous for weddings etc, but these days its much more common for people to send photo cards from the day (which I know lots of older people and family love) and that takes time as you have to arrange to have them printed, so I think complaining it took them six months seems a bit unfair.

If they're rude in general, then fair enough, be annoyed. But if its just this, I wouldn't write them off just yet.

GirlsTimesThree Sat 01-Aug-15 20:07:01

YANBU. If I hand a gift over to someone I'd think it incredibly rude if they just took it from me without any acknowledgement. Exactly the same if I take the time to choose, wrap and send something. I've stopped sending gifts to people who never even text to say thank you, including my godson.
I've brought my DDs up to appreciate the efforts others go to on their behalf and I expect no less from the recipients of gifts I give.
Luckily most of our family and friends have similar standards.

Lozy79 Sat 01-Aug-15 20:14:06

In my family we never sent a thank you notes, didn't even realise they were a thing to do until I married dh! But our family were all in the same town, we always physically gave each other gifts and the thank yous were said at the time of receiving.

StackladysMorphicResonator Sat 01-Aug-15 20:28:45

appalachianwalzing YABVU! You are either very badly brought up or just inherently rude - of course it feels awkward at that age, I'm sure everyone relates to that, but neither I nor my siblings would have thought it remotely acceptable just to ignore a gift whether it was a box of chocolates or £100.

Gifts should always be acknowledged and the giver thanked.

LilyMayViolet Sat 01-Aug-15 21:02:37

How can it possibly be "awkward" to text me (even via their parents) or message me briefly on fbook Hi Auntie LilyMayViolet, thanks so much for the birthday money, I really appreciate it x or something similar?

Of course I wouldn't expect another thank you if I've given the gifts face to face.

I don't consider a few words of thanks "something in return". I thought it was just courtesy. I won't right them off as people, I like them very much, but I'mnot sending them any more gifts.

haveabreakhaveakitkat Sat 01-Aug-15 21:14:45

Dd went to a party yesterday and I received a lovely text from the mum this morning, thanking dd for attending and for the present. It was really nice, such a small thing to send a little text but it means a lot!

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