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Mum left my kids home alone!!!!

(149 Posts)
baldbyfifty Fri 31-Jul-15 14:42:22

Just typing this is bringing on the mother of all headaches.
I am going to keep this brief as poss.
My mum had our youngest two 5 & 11 last night and this morning as I had a very early morning job interview, she had a funeral at 11 so the agreement was I would be straight over there ASAP as I could to free up my step father (Grandad) who would wait with them before he toddles off to bowls! (He's in his 70's and a sweetheart)
I was there by 11.20am to find an empty house and my girls 5 & 11 on the sofa the youngest covered in chocolate but perfectly happy the eldest looking upset and worried.
It didn't take long to find out that my mum had sent their Grandad off to bowls at around 9.00am with no mention of him looking after the girls, my mums friend who she was going to the funeral with arrived at 9.45 as they were apparently picking up some people on the way. My mothers parting words to my girls were "When your mum gets here tell her she's just missed your Grandad or she'll be really angry"
The whole house was left unlocked with my kids inside for as long as two hours before I got there and to top it off she's asking them to lie to me. She is supposed to be looking after the girls as I desperately need to return to work (we are skint) but I am now completely doubting myself after this, as a child she left me at home alone a lot and I didn't have the greatest childhood but I stupidly thought even this was beyond her in fairness to date she has been a better Nanny than she was mother.
She is very stubborn and always pretty much does whatever she wants and we have come to blows in the past with the way she is with the kids. The silly thing is now its happened i'm not even that surprised.
I brought my girls straight home and haven't heard a thing from her yet!! Exactly where she thinks the girls are right now I don't know!!
I will admit that I am a worrier especially about my girls but this is unbelievable. I don't even know how to confront her about this.

TheWitTank Fri 31-Jul-15 14:45:15

Bloody hell! I would be furious!

HappyGoLuckyGirl Fri 31-Jul-15 14:46:54

Not okay. Not in any world.

I would seriously reconsider leaving them with her whilst you work.

GoooRooo Fri 31-Jul-15 14:47:00

I know how I would confront her:

"I know you left the children home alone drom 9.45 and also asked them to lie to be about it. It's not acceptable. You won't ever be looking after them again."

The end.

Artandco Fri 31-Jul-15 14:47:03

Well it's not great she left them, but she did say they were both busy in the morning so what did you think she would do?

I think you need to find alternative childcare that's actually avaliable

EhricLovesTheBhrothers Fri 31-Jul-15 14:48:05

Well you can't leave her with them while you work. I don't necessarily think an 11yo can't look after a 5yo for a short time but only a very short time, with lots of discussion about safety and contingency, and no lies! Her attitude is awful and she can't be trusted.

happymummyone Fri 31-Jul-15 14:48:08

Oooh, not okay! That's a big responsibility but put on an 11 year old! And in an unlocked house!

Pippidoeswhatshewants Fri 31-Jul-15 14:49:07

Leaving them at home alone - debatable.
Telling your dc to lie to you - I would be beyond furious!!!!

If you really need your dm for childcare you should be prepared for more stunts like this. Can you not find any other childcare solution?

TooExtraImmatureCheddar Fri 31-Jul-15 14:50:06

Art, that's not fair. The OP thought her stepdad would look after the girls. She didn't know her mum hadn't even asked him.

chickenfuckingpox Fri 31-Jul-15 14:50:12

Artanco grandad was supposed to be watching them

reconsider your childcare options you will get some of it paid for if you don't earn enough don't rely on her again

NoSOHisadealbreaker Fri 31-Jul-15 14:50:42

but she did say they were both busy in the morning so what did you think she would do? ??????

Presumably THIS is what OP thought she would do:

so the agreement was I would be straight over there ASAP as I could to free up my step father (Grandad) who would wait with them before he toddles off to bowls! (He's in his 70's and a sweetheart)

Surely if OP's mother thought it wasn't going to work (and going to a funeral is a pretty important commitment) then she should have said that she couldn't help.

LilyMayViolet Fri 31-Jul-15 14:52:42

I'm sorry to say she doesn't sound trustworthy at all. No wonder you are doubting having her look after them more often.

NerrSnerr Fri 31-Jul-15 14:52:49

She really can't look after them again. You need to tell her straight that it was not on, especially as she asked them to lie!

oneowlgirl Fri 31-Jul-15 14:52:57

I can see it's not right that she didn't inform you & asked them to lie, however I would have thought an 11 year old was perfectly capable of looking after a 5 year old for a couple of hours without anything bad happening. My 6 year old knows how to dial 999 in an emergency & also knows not to open doors etc to strangers so would have thought an 11 year old would be fine (my 6 yr old isn't left home alone - just in case that gave the impression he was!!)

TimetohittheroadJack Fri 31-Jul-15 14:53:13

I'd be mad about the lying but maybe she didn't have much of an option - did your stepdad agree to watch them, or did you assume he would? Your mum probably didn't really want to leave them (hence the lying) but she was going to a funeral. If you need people to look after your kids regularly for free then you have to accept some things you are not that pleased about.

Gruntfuttock Fri 31-Jul-15 14:53:19

Well you know now you'll never be able to trust her. She's selfish and deceitful and disregards your childrens' safety. Not someone I would want looking after my children.

DixieNormas Fri 31-Jul-15 14:54:52

Id be fucking furious

TimetohittheroadJack Fri 31-Jul-15 14:55:34

I'm surprised people are worried about an unlocked house, surely if your leaving kids alone they need to be able to get out just in case?

LilyMayViolet Fri 31-Jul-15 14:58:38

I see your point oneowlgirl, my dd was used to being on her own for an hour or two at 11 but not looking after a 5 year old. It's also the just "upping and leaving" that would disturb me about this. They had an arrangement and the grandmother just went off and left them!

ChasedByBees Fri 31-Jul-15 15:01:11

No, not ok at all.

You can't leave them with her again, she clearly can't be trusted.

achieve6 Fri 31-Jul-15 15:03:08

Art, did you read the OP? Grandad was supposed to be there!

OP, sorry, but you can't leave the girls with your mum again. When you say you don't know how to confront her, do it calmly but say "I understand you left the girls alone and asked them to lie to me, so you can't have them again."

is it possible she did this on purpose to avoid watching them in future? I'm just baffled how anyone can find this acceptable.

lazycoo Fri 31-Jul-15 15:03:32

You say your stepfather is a sweetheart. Is it possible at all that he could look after the kids on occasions if you spoke with him directly? I agree your mum isn't to be trusted. I realise it might be too much for him to take on regularly, but if you could build a rapport with him then perhaps he could be left in charge for emergencies. It is so stressful having nobody you can trust with your kids on hand.

LindyHemming Fri 31-Jul-15 15:06:59

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

chickenfuckingpox Fri 31-Jul-15 15:07:13

and sorry to say it but children's services would throw a fit about it 11 is too young to babysit

Artandco Fri 31-Jul-15 15:07:14

Yes I read op . Op said her mother said she had a funeral at 11am and stepfather had bowls. No mention of the time He usually leaves.

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