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to never do D2's washing for her ever again?

(15 Posts)
HookedOnHooking Fri 31-Jul-15 10:32:33

Possibly childish reaction but let's face it. She's bloody 17 and a lazy git.
She's also got a very bad temper and can be deeply unplesant (and also aspergers which is not an excuse but an explaination as to why she occasionally behaves like a spoilt, bad tempered 2 year old).

Anyway. She's just smashed up my nice colouring pencils, so I am never doing her washing again. So there.

HookedOnHooking Fri 31-Jul-15 10:35:04

Oh. The argument was about washing and where is her t-shirt which is why I calmly pointed out that she knows where the washing machine is and is more than capable of doing it herself.
I've also been doing nights this week and am a little tired and tetchy.

TheTroubleWithAngels Fri 31-Jul-15 10:35:59

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Fatmomma99 Fri 31-Jul-15 10:37:46

It's a shame about your colouring pencils, and she ought to replace them, but I don't see the connection between pencils and washing.

It is, of course, your decision.

HookedOnHooking Fri 31-Jul-15 10:42:02

The pencils just got in the way. When she strops things get broken (doors, pencils, bones) usually mine.

HookedOnHooking Fri 31-Jul-15 10:42:34

Just an ordinary day in the life of......

Theycallmemellowjello Fri 31-Jul-15 10:42:39

Yanbu. So you pointed her to the washing machine so she could do a tshirt she wanted to wear herself and in retaliation she destroyed something of yours? I actually think that getting her to do her own waking from now on is a completely fair reaction to that. How upsetting for you.

NannyFlower Fri 31-Jul-15 10:44:01

Calmly explain that as she clearly isn't happy with the way you do her laundry, you will show her how to do it and she can be in charge of what she washes first, what needs to be dry when etc.

I did my own laundry from age 14 and was perfectly fine. (After a similar argument with my mum, minus the breaking of anything)

Theycallmemellowjello Fri 31-Jul-15 10:44:07

Has she actually broken bones? I'd say regular destructive behaviour needs some kind of intervention - anger management therapy? flowers to you, it sounds hard.

HookedOnHooking Fri 31-Jul-15 10:47:53

No bones for a while. I'm just venting here until it blows over. Which it will in a bit. She's not a bad old thing really. But I do think she can do her own bloody washing from now on.

WhereYouLeftIt Fri 31-Jul-15 10:56:29

You WNBU to never do her washing again, but YWBU if you did this as a punishment.

She is 17, and it is frankly high time that she was made ready for independent living (whether she ever achieves independence or not). I recently introduced DS (16) to the wonders of the washing machine, why you separate stuff out, not to overload etc. We stood there, looking at the care labels of every item in the washing basket, discussing why that garment was supposed to be washed in that way. God that sounds really smug. It's really not meant to be. What I'm trying to say is that, she needs to know how to care for herself. Every young adult (and she is very nearly adult) needs to know that.

I would try and set aside your justifiable anger at her behaviour, and approach it from the my-duty-to-prepare-you-for-independence stance rather than I'm-not-your-servant-you-little-madam approach. Maybe that won't spark a tantrum in her. And maybe if she starts pulling her weight, it will take some of the stress out of your relationship? Win-win?

HookedOnHooking Fri 31-Jul-15 11:01:13

She knows how. Just chooses not to. And it's easy to just chuck it all in together.

So would I just separate her stuff out and leave in in the bathroom basket? That seems mean.
Or get her her own basket and leave it in her room. Then hopefully she'll put her bloody clothes in it and not on the floor, under the bed etc?

WhereYouLeftIt Fri 31-Jul-15 11:10:49

Own basket. "She knows how. Just chooses not to." And take the tack that it's time to walk the walk, not just talk the talk. Only when you've ruined a couple of beloved items does the penny actually drop about doing it properly. As long as you just "chuck it all in together" you're the one taking responsibility for not ruining stuff, not her. I sometimes think it's the taking responsibility that's the most important part of DS taking on a task, rather than the joy of me not having to do it any more grin. Which is rarely a joy anyway, you're right, it is easier just to do it myself normally. But if I don't persevere he will become a useless man-child, and I won't do that to him <stiffens resolve>. I want adulthood for him, not kidulthood.

HookedOnHooking Fri 31-Jul-15 11:13:36

Sounds like a good plan.

takeinyourhen Fri 31-Jul-15 11:15:07

Personally, I think that asking her to do all of the washing for the week and a new set of pencils will be repercussions enough. Even though you are cross, she needs to have a time when the punishment is over and when you can be friends again, not be constantly reminded.

As she's an aspie and I think Ali is fab, if she doesn't know about it already, I'd point her in the direction of The Curly Hair Project

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