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To be horrified at what my friend has done

(262 Posts)
Letthedicefly Thu 30-Jul-15 21:42:54

She is a carer for elderly people in their own homes and stole £5 from a lady with dementia.

She is in pieces as she's been caught and keeps saying she only meant to borrow it and would have put it back. She knows it was so wrong but she's in an abusive relationship and had no access to money.

Now she's going to lose her job and get a criminal record which will make her more dependent on him.

I know she's in the wrong but I'm so upset for her as well.

chairmeoh Thu 30-Jul-15 21:45:03

I have no sympathy for her.
Can you help her to leave her relationship? She isn't trapped, there is a way out for her.

msrisotto Thu 30-Jul-15 21:46:58

It seems unlikely that she was caught the very first time she ever stole money from a vulnerable person.

GuiltyAsAGirlCanBe Thu 30-Jul-15 21:46:59

This is probably the tip of the iceberg and the only time she got caught. I wouldnotbelieve her son story. Stealing from a vulnerable elderly person is despicable, and there is no excuse.

SnapesCapes Thu 30-Jul-15 21:47:11

Can she tell the police about her situation? It doesn't make it right, or less repulsive, but it might constitute some sort of explanation. On the other hand they could think that if she's stealing from an incredibly vulnerable person she's probably got form and will throw everything they have at her. What a stupid, stupid act.

BareGorillas Thu 30-Jul-15 21:47:21

Yep, seems unlikely

PtolemysNeedle Thu 30-Jul-15 21:48:14

Thank goodness she was caught before she took any more.

woowoo22 Thu 30-Jul-15 21:48:22

She must have been absolutely desperate. Your poor friend. Has she made any comments about leaving him? How awful.

Letthedicefly Thu 30-Jul-15 21:49:09

It was definitely the only time. Security cameras were up which is how she got caught and whilst I'm not justifying it the small amount is indicative that she only took it as she was desperate (there was plenty of cash in the property.)

amothersplaceisinthewrong Thu 30-Jul-15 21:49:36

No excuse as she has abused a position of trust, but she must be very desparate to risk her job for £5

CrazyOldBagLady Thu 30-Jul-15 21:49:48

How was she found out? If I were you I would brace yourself for more coming out in the wash.

AboutTimeIChangedMyNameAgain Thu 30-Jul-15 21:50:30

My grandparents carers stole their jewellery. I have no sympathy.

IsadoraQuagmire Thu 30-Jul-15 21:50:36

I wouldn't feel remotely sorry for her, what a disgusting thing to do.

AboutTimeIChangedMyNameAgain Thu 30-Jul-15 21:50:53

For your friend obviously!

manicinsomniac Thu 30-Jul-15 21:51:22

I feel very sorry for her.

A stupid and terrible thing to do but she must have been desperate and it sounds like she has a terrible life which is about to get worse.

Obviously, I don't condone what she did. But I do have a lot of sympathy for her.

Getuhda348 Thu 30-Jul-15 21:51:34

If you are asking us aibu for feeling sorry for her then no but.....I do a similar job and it's people like her that paint us in a bad light!! Reguardless of her situation she knows wrong from right. What she has done is a form of abuse. She was in a position of trust. I'm sorry but I have a zero tolorence attitude to abuse of dementia patients angry that said she was a silly girl and made a silly mistake. She now has to deal with the consequences.

Sazzle41 Thu 30-Jul-15 21:51:59

Was she using minor thefts(I wouldnt think for a minute it was the first time) for a 'leaving fund' to get away from her relationship? She must know a refuge or a friend's sofa is an option if she is financially in dire straits - so really, even if she is desperate, its not on, old people are vulnerable and in her care. I think she needs to tell the police and then sit with a friend or relative and realise this is rock bottom, the only way is up and out and plan a new start out of the abusive relationship.

pattyblue Thu 30-Jul-15 21:52:26

I left an abusive relationship with no access to any money and no belongings and got provided with all essentials through WA, my council (who housed me) and DWP. There's absolutely no need for this kind of behaviour, and I would rather have been on benefits in a grim B&B than take advantage of a vulnerable old lady. I hope this is a wake up call for her.

FadedRed Thu 30-Jul-15 21:53:02

I'm sorry you find yourself in this situation with your friend, Op, but I have little sympathy for her. I'd be more inclined to sympathy for her if she'd stolen from a shop, or even from you. To steal from vulnerable elderly/disabled people who are in need of care is despicable, and the psychological damage done to the people she stole from can be very serious.
I'm sure she is remorseful because she has been caught, not because she stole.
And I also think that she has almost certainly stolen more than £5, and would have continued to steal had she not been caught.
As pp's have said, there are ways to get out of her domestic problems that do not prey on the vulnerable.

WorraLiberty Thu 30-Jul-15 21:53:09

I've got no sympathy at all I'm afraid.

My Dad's friend was 72yrs old, housebound and vulnerable and his carer milked him dry.

She got caught out in the end, but not until she's well and truly taken advantage of him.

You don't know this was the first time OP - cameras or not.

starlight2007 Thu 30-Jul-15 21:55:11

I still am not convinced only time.. why were the camera's up?

I assume she cares for other people too.

She might be desperate but that does not justify it..What did she want the money for?

SpongeBobJudgeyPants Thu 30-Jul-15 21:55:45

Why were the security cameras there OP? Wondering if there had been problems before, and that's why they were installed.

lunar1 Thu 30-Jul-15 21:56:57

I doubt they happened to check the cameras the first time she did this, they must have suspected her. Things like this are the reason why many vulnerable and unwell people refuse the help they need.

SaucyJack Thu 30-Jul-15 21:57:17

I'd be wondering why the elderly woman's family had gone to the trouble of installing cameras meself.

I hope this is a turning point for your friend.

feetlikeahobbit Thu 30-Jul-15 21:57:27

I work with vulnerable elderly people and this shit pisses me off no end. I have no doubt if she hadn't got caught she would've continued to take advantage.
Were security camera up because things had gone missing before?

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