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To think he should help more?

(21 Posts)
Pucaet Wed 29-Jul-15 15:48:44

I don't live with my partner (a lpt of argueing basically, sorting things out) but we have a DS
I have piss all money.
He eats dinner here most days. And basically eats a lot so eats a lot of snacks etc Sometimes does his washing here. Showers here etc
I pay for everything, all the shopping. Electric, gas, water which I wouldn't mind but I just don't have enough money.
I think he should help with the cost of food because I'm basically paying for more than twice the amount of food I'd usually get because he eats it all. Now I'm not stingey I just literally can't afford it. He thinks I'm being nasty but he has over twice as much money as me but I seem to be buying everything.
An example that really pissed me off, was when we were in a shop, I had nappies, wipes and baby food pouches in the basket, he put a drink in and gave me 50 fucking pencr for "his stuff" oh, So the nappies and wipes are for me so obviously I should pay for them. Thus was before he was paying me towards DS, which he now does at least so its not like he's already given me money towards baby things for the month.
I am hormonal as fuck atm though so I might be being insane.

TowerRavenSeven Wed 29-Jul-15 15:52:09

YANBU. But, he IS kind of living with You. I'd start adding things up on paper and bring it up to him. That would drive me insane. He is taking advantage of you.

Momzilla82 Wed 29-Jul-15 15:56:30

YANBU. You need to start saying no to him eating and showering and doing his washing at your house. It sounds like you're in a relationship grey area and he sounds like a sponger/ totally stingy with money. You have a DS to consider and yourself. Time to be clear on what he needs to contribute.

MrsTerryPratchett Wed 29-Jul-15 15:59:13

Does he pay you child maintenance? Seeing as he doesn't live with you. Or rent, seeing as he does. He can't have it both ways...

MrsTerryPratchett Wed 29-Jul-15 15:59:58

Oops, missed the last bit! How much does he contribute?

Pucaet Wed 29-Jul-15 16:03:23

I don't think he's doing it on purpose, he's basically never had to pay for all his own bills/food/etc so I think he doesn't seem to realise how it all adds up but I've told him! So he should know, but he thinks I'm trying to take his money or something. I'm not. He basically has no expenses, lives with his mum and pays her a tiny amount of rent (£150/month ish) and is meant to buy his own food but he's always here eating the stuff here so he never has to do shopping etc
It sounds petty but I only just about have enough money to pay for me and DS. And even then only just, so I can t pay for another adult but its not that I'm tight its that I don't have the money and I'm always worried to death about bills and he's just living this carefree life all the time

0x530x610x750x630x79 Wed 29-Jul-15 16:13:26

Take him to a supermarket shop one day, show him how much it Ll costs. Explain how long this will last, this is one weeks nappies etc.

formerbabe Wed 29-Jul-15 16:20:16

Does he give you any money at all op for your son?

LindyHemming Wed 29-Jul-15 16:21:11

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsTerryPratchett Wed 29-Jul-15 16:22:05

So what is he buying with his money?

hellsbellsmelons Wed 29-Jul-15 16:26:04

I call cocklodger.
Either he pays you a sum of money every month or he fucks off out of your life.
Have a look here and work out what he should pay you in maintenance towards your DC this link
If he's on around 25000 a year then he should be paying you £54 per week!!!
Seriously. He's a total loser with no respect or consideration for you or your DC. Get rid!

Spartans Wed 29-Jul-15 16:26:28

He is living with you.

He eats all his meals there, showers etc.

He just sleeps somewhere else I presume? Why does sleeping in the same house cause so many problems.

Personally I don't think he should contribute more. I think he needs to stop eating all your food and spending all his time at yours....or move back in.

As its stands he has a great life while you struggle

Iflyaway Wed 29-Jul-15 16:30:38

He's using you and why are you putting up with it?

I think the MN name is cocklodger.

You need to get assertive and ask him for his contribution to costs while at yours as well as taking adequate financial care of his son. You haven't mentioned if he even takes on a Dad role, but I may have missed that.

Why are you living a "hand-to-mouth" existence ("always worried about bills") with a child to support while letting this man-child freeload off you?

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Wed 29-Jul-15 16:42:40

Good grief YANBU it's not being petty or stingy. He bounces between the two women in his life, his DM and you, catered for and contented. I wonder if he pleads poverty at his mum's making out he is lavishing money on you and DS.

CurlyBlueberry Wed 29-Jul-15 16:43:07

He sounds like a total charmer hmm Does he just assume he can have dinner at yours? What would happen if you said "I'm going to make dinner for myself and DS now, I guess you'll be going back to your mum's or else if you want to stay you'll have to pop to Asda and get some pasta as I've only enough in for 2".

cranberryx Wed 29-Jul-15 16:49:39


Pucaet Wed 29-Jul-15 16:50:37

Dobkeys- he definitely does that! I've had his mother have a go at me saying I just want all his money all the time!! And this was before he ever gave me money for DS.that one did make me laugh.
Oh and he gets parking tickets all the time because he is too lazy to walk the 10 minutes to mine and parks outside on the stteet where your not allowed go. Apparently thats why we never has any money. Obviously this is my fault somehow even though it's nothing to do with me :S
He said "what so I have to help my mum put and you!?" ERM, wtf. Help me out!? By paying for yourself!?

The5DayChicken Wed 29-Jul-15 16:51:53

No, it's not petty OP. The man is a fucking sponge.

AlisonBlunderland Wed 29-Jul-15 16:53:52

Send him to Tesco with a shopping list for all his food.
Include shower gel and loo rolls.
And nappies for HIS son.

adrianna22 Wed 29-Jul-15 17:00:46

DS dad was like this. Even when I told him that he pretty much contributes NOTHING towards his son, he still didn't change. I kicked him out and he soon drifted in and out of DS life.

I don't have time for useless people. Be gone.

MrsTerryPratchett Wed 29-Jul-15 17:28:32

So what are you going to do, OP?

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