Feeling miffed! AIBU?(133 Posts)
Cant decide whether I should just 'wind my neck in' or not so thought I'd ask for your opinions please?
On Saturday, we had a bit of a party, at home. Invited quite a few families over, with kids, grandkids etc. Amazingly, the sun shone and we had a great day.. One of my friends offered to lend me her gazebo to add to the other 2 that we already had up. We set it up and used them all.
When she left the party her with hubby and kids they were worse for wear so said they'd come and get it the next day when they collected the car. Fair enough.
The sky clouded over and the forecast was overnight rain so a group of o/h's friends decided that they should take them down..o/h was inside at this point so didn't really see (or agree to) what happened. They meant well but somehow completely knackered my friends gazebo!!
The next morning I went on the Argos website and saw an identical one for £120 which I was more than prepared to replace for her...(expensive but, hey, she leant it to me in good faith and all that) I might add that her awning was 3 years old.
Her and her hubby came over and I explained what had happened (and,of course, apologised) I said I've found an identical one and showed her the Argos website pic and said I'd order there and then and have it delivered directly to her house. Here's where my AIBU is: She said, "Oh, don't worry, we hardly ever use it, I'd rather have the £120!!" I was a bit taken aback and didn't know how to respond. I didn't have £120 cash in the house so I said I'd pop it over during this week. She text me last night to ask me when I was coming as she needed it!
I feel really miffed.... I guess I was prepared to spend a the £120 on the website so it isn't costing me anymore to give her the cash. But I feel like she's being grabby and if the roles were reversed I wouldn't have asked for the cash as if it were new....if I was going to take anything, I'd have maybe suggested half given its age, condition etc...
She's got more cheek than Kim Kardashian's rear view.
If she's a good friend maybe have a jokey word and point out that she's taking the pee.
I think I'd feel the same as you but you've said it now . Give her the money and move on
I'm definitely a bit
You can get quite nice gazebos for £45! (B&Q)
I'd order a £45 one...tell her sorry, husband had already placed the order for a new gazebo for them..it's being delivered on x, obviously if you don't need it anymore, feel free to sell it on.
It's a bit cheeky but not worth losing a friendship over.
You could try "I was going to put the £120 on credit card but I can't manage £120 cash. Would you accept £80 as a reasonable see on hand value?"
Ooh... Well, IMHO She's being a bit grabby but I don't know how you'd challenge her because, as you said you were prepared to pay for a replacement for a damaged item.
I'm not sure I'd have her brass neck to say that, especially to a friend.
I think you'll have to give her the money, and just suck it up...
Get the Argos gazebo and hand it to her next time you see her - tell her that your DP bought it not realising that she had said she needs the money, and that you're sure if she wants the money Argos will refund her.
She's a bit dim - if I'd been her and really wanted/needed the money, I'd have said Thank You, taken the new gazebo from her, and exchanged it myself (without telling you). Result - refund for gazebo, no loss of friendship.
I think it's cheeky but can't really articulate why . I know the gazebo was a few years old but if it was in good condition and you were prepared to replace like-for-like knowing it was Â£120 then it's not really affecting you. Other than the badgering. That would annoy me.
Oh wow! Tbf you did agree to it. So really you should take it round.
But yes the first comment was a bit cheeky. Hers wasn't worth £120 because it was older and used. But replacing it would cost £120, that doesn't mean it's worth £120
Essentially, you are buying the gazebo from her. In which case, you need to account for condition. I don't think you should front up full price.
I appreciate that you were prepared to spend £120 on a replacement but this situation feels different.
Can you split it and give her £60?
I would NOT give her any money. Its replace like for like or not at all. I do like Needaninsight's suggestion - and don't get drawn into any discussions. Just stick to the line that OH had already ordered it, you didn't realise when you spoke to her, sorry and all that......
Bloody cheek - some people have no shame.
I would go with previous suggestions that DH had already bought a
£45 B&Q one and give her that.
Thanks all. Is been driving me mad tbh so I'm glad it's not just me that thinks she's being a bit off (and a cheeky cow)... I think I'm going to go and see her with the £120 but have a word whilst I'm there (I'm going tonight). I'll update you when I'm back!
I wouldn't mind if she hadn't been at the party but I fed and 'watered' them all day (my choice,i and know). We live & learn gggrrhhh!
I think she sounds more desperate than cheeky. It sounds like she's in a pickle with money at the moment and so had to make a cheeky request of you.
She's probably a bit embarrassed but needs the money. I'd give it to her- it sounds like you can afford it.
OMG that's really cheeky!
I'd just have the new one sent to her, although she'll probably Ebay it anyway.
I'd go along the line of OH had already ordered it, but I would get one from ebay, no friend of mine would expect me to cough up £120! Perhaps you could say to her that £120 is a lot of money, especially after the expense of the party at the weekend, and tell her that you are going to text the mates who helped pack it away to see if they can chip in towards the cost of a replacement, hopefully that way she will realise how grabby she is being and also that all your mates are about to see it too and then she may offer to back down although from what you have said I'm not so sure. I can't help but feel that this could spell the end of the friendship whatever the outcome as if it was me I would always feel resentful that she had taken quite a lot of money off me for something that she doesn't use anyway! Good luck op x
Thanks thenailandthewhale I like that idea..
Luckiest girl - I don't think whether I can afford it or not is the issue here...I don't think she's in a pickle with money (although, of course, not sure) They've just booked to go on holiday next month and they both work...but that's not the point.. I just feel that I'm being taken advantage of and its bugging me.
I'll have a chat with her tonight and see how it goes...
Thanks everyone for all your comments
You sound like you know how you're moving forward, so this may not be relevant, but I really like the suggestion of contacting those people who broke the gazebo and asking them all to chip in a bit for the cost of the replacement.
So everyone shares the pain.
And why should you alone bear the cost,when it wasn't you who broke it? Although nice of you to even offer.
Thanks Fatmomma - I actually hadn't told any of the guys that broke it but one of them, by chance, has just called in so I took the opportunity of asking his opinion. He thought it was really out of order that my friend had asked for the full replacement value (as if it were new). He felt really bad (which I was trying to avoid) but immediately offered to 'chip in' and felt sure the other 3 would too.. They're all really decent people.. It's just left a really uncomfortable feeling that has really tarnished what was otherwise a brilliant day spent with friends...
I think if I want to just move on and put it down to experience then, I've just got to 'stump up' whereas if I make a big deal out of it it's going to go on and on... 80% of the time I feel like this then I think, sod it!!! 'why should I' lol
I'll see what tonight brings!
Thanks again :-)
Don't give her the full amount. You should at least account for wear and tear - I second someone's suggestion of giving her half
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