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To think why are there no ''mail order grooms''?

(21 Posts)
Interdasty Wed 29-Jul-15 09:01:20

I was on a mail order bride show youtube binge and these men go to Columbia, Ukraine, Thailand, all over the world. And no, you don't get her in the mail like an Amazon DVD pack! The men pay for tours where they meet a lot of women at the same time or others meet individually after initial contact online. Why isn't there a similar thing for women looking for men? There isn't a week that goes by without hearing there's no good men left, are there any good ones older than 35, all the good ones are taken, they just want sex, online dating is awful etc. The online bride industry is pretty big these days and getting bigger every year but there's nothing for women. There are potentially hundreds of millions of men who could be ''Mr. Right''. Especially these days when the divorce rate is so high and there so many divorcées in their 30/40/50's.

Moopsboopsmum Wed 29-Jul-15 09:06:49

Because men only want freshly baked rolls I'm afraid.

KumiOri Wed 29-Jul-15 09:12:00

because women are not seen as equal but as wares that need to belong to men.

Birdsgottafly Wed 29-Jul-15 09:12:56

You can get the equivalent from Gurkey, Jamaica, Bulgaria, in fact any country whose residents are poor enough to marry a stranger.

Same with sex, Jody Marsh and others have done programmes about this.

Finding a spouse, this way has many issues and many would want the visa system changed, do the couple live in the new "partners" country, which I think should be the case.

gabsdot45 Wed 29-Jul-15 09:13:00

I'm sure there are if you know where to look.

Trills Wed 29-Jul-15 09:13:20

Because there are no societies where men are brought up to believe that their role in life is to be subservient to a woman?

Birdsgottafly Wed 29-Jul-15 09:13:54

"Turkey", obviously.

strawberryshoes Wed 29-Jul-15 09:15:31

There are a huge shortage of women in China (with the whole one baby only thing they had, and people having a preference for boys) so if you want to find a nice man, maybe pop over there for a holiday.

FarFromAnyRoad Wed 29-Jul-15 09:16:49

I was on a mail order bride show youtube binge

You were 'on' a what? What is that? What were you doing when you had your flash of brilliance?

Birdsgottafly Wed 29-Jul-15 09:17:39

This started as a gender issue, but it's now a White, Western entitlement issue.

The stories, from both exploited genders, are often tragic.

Tryharder Wed 29-Jul-15 09:21:00

These men are not operating on a level playing field.

They are using their relative wealth and possession of a European passport to 'buy' a wife. I would imagine they convince themselves it's 'luuurve' but the reality is that it's a financial transaction and the women probably secretly despise - and at worst are repulsed by - their spouses.

Women are generally less equipped to do the same emotionally (IMO)but nonetheless you can quite easily go to North Africa, Turkey, the Caribbean and West Africa to find yourself a likely lad.

seaoflove Wed 29-Jul-15 09:21:40

Because men aren't commodities who can be bought or traded. Because women aren't powerful enough to buy a husband.

I guess the equivalent of mail order husbands would be the young men who strike up relationships with older British women on holiday, Shirley Valentine style.

But it's still not the same. These marriages tend to end quickly once the man has achieved whatever he set out to do (money, British passport, whatever). The man still has all the power, despite being the more disadvantaged half of the couple.

Euphemia Wed 29-Jul-15 09:22:32

A mail order bride is your chattel, so grateful to be in your country that she'll do whatever you want. Local women expect rights and respect and shit like that, so they're too much like hard work.

Spartans Wed 29-Jul-15 09:25:06

There are mail order groom sites.

Also plenty of women go abroad with he sole purpose of having sex with younger men. There was a programme about it a few years ago, I know who a woman who does this. They generally travel to countries where the people are poor, pay for everything for them and sleep with them.

Some women travel to the same country several times a year. The woman I know goes to Egypt.

Sometimes they marry them and bring them over here.

Mygardenistoobig Wed 29-Jul-15 09:28:51

I don't think men would release their power to be treated this way.

These women see no alternative, I don't think they necessarily are hoping to meet the love of their life, rather need a way to a more financially secure future.

Unfortunately this involves reliance on a man even when they meet their western male so the cycle continues.

Birdsgottafly Wed 29-Jul-15 09:30:23

Whilst, "Mail Oder brides", are greater in number and there is a massive difference in violence and abuse towards women, you cannot glibly ignore the plight of young men, in a vulnerable position.

It isn't just a heterosexual issue, either.

I watched a programme were young boys from Mexico/Columbia/the East, were sponsored for sex change surgery, that they were to young to consent to, by Western people, not just men.

There are Lesbian/Gay mail order sites, but a lot of these people are heterosexual, just desperate to get out of poverty.

scarlets Wed 29-Jul-15 09:37:18

There probably are. There are other ways anyway - go to a poor country and pull a hot young waiter. Lots of rather plain British women married to Egyptians, Kenyans etc.

Interdasty Wed 29-Jul-15 09:41:56

There is this misconception that the women are poor and starving and every 60 yo greasy fat man gets a 18 yo supermodel who is desperate to survive. That's almost unheard of. Many of these women are over 30-40 , have children etc. Actually many men prefer that. Many are also educated, have good careers, own their own nice houses and so on. This is also why such a small % of the men find a partner, the women are in no hurry and their standards are much higher than you'd expect. Or that they become sex slaves the moment they marry, also a myth. Or that women in these poor countries are obedient and silent, nothing could be further than the truth. They believe in traditional gender roles, but obedient slaves? HA! Obv people are not very familiar with east-euro/latin/asian women! I guess a pit bull can be obedient too until you cross him and then he bites your fucking head off.

Awadebumbo Wed 29-Jul-15 09:43:33

Having spent some time in Negril I can assure you it's not just a female issue.

TiredButFine Wed 29-Jul-15 10:17:51

Mail order spouses is a horrible concept, ther's no need to extend it to broader markets.
Unfortunately it seems that the way to put men off mail order brides is to tell them horror stories of men who have lost money or married a woman who wasn't that nice to him, rather than go the long way round to explain that they're not entitled to own a wife and women are people too.

Mygardenistoobig Thu 30-Jul-15 07:10:51

I saw a horrible programme about it.

One of the nicer men Asked what choice the women had and was told 'when you are buying a dress the dress has no choice about who buys it'

One young man bought a wife and brought her back to the UK where she was told to crack on with the cleaning of his house as that was one of her primary functions. The woman looked horrified.

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