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presents for friends with bigger families

(13 Posts)
Dontloookbackinanger Tue 28-Jul-15 14:52:32

I have an old school friend with whom I always exchanged birthday/ Christmas presents. We see each other every other month and our DHs get on well too.
When her 1st DC was born I started buying presents for her too (birth gift, Christening, birthdays & Christmas). My friend is very organised and always sends out gift lists.

However my friend has recently had number 3 and I was sent a gift list for her baby shower, then another with birth announcement card. Then it was the Christening last week which required another gift. I duely bought gifts as I didn't want to do less for her DC3 than I've done for the other 2.
But this week it's also her DC2's birthday and she's emailed me another John Lewis gift list where no present is under £15 and some are £60!

AIBU to feel completely overwhelmed by the number of presents I'm buying? Her husband is an investment banker whereas money is rather tight in our household.
If I'm being totally honest, I'm also conscious that I have 1 DC and the presents my friend buys for him don't reflect that I've spent 2x (now to be 3x) as much on her DCs.
Does anyone have any advice as to how to nicely extract myself from this self-inflicted present buying extravaganza?

LikeABadSethRogenMovie Tue 28-Jul-15 14:56:30

Just don't buy one? Or just buy a token, not off a gift list, present. I have 4 kids and I don't expect presents from anyone. Do people really send out birthday gift lists for their kids?! Sheesh!

UrethraFranklin1 Tue 28-Jul-15 14:58:13

Gift lists? Thats insane...not to mention beyond rude.

I have many children and never expect anyone to buy them presents at all, but if they particularly wanted to then something for the children to share is always nice, and means one gift instead of several. A game or whatever.

Thing here is if she is a good friend, she won't care about presents, and you simply stop the buying, either mentioning or not. If she has a problem with it, she is not a good friend at all.

Scholes34 Tue 28-Jul-15 14:58:25

Buy an age appropriate present of your choice. I'm sure you don't have to buy only what's on the list. Buy chocolate if necessary, as that won't gather dust on anyone's shelf. At Christmas, buy one family game for everyone to share.

ollieplimsoles Tue 28-Jul-15 15:00:21

This can't be real!?

A 'gift list' sent with a birth announcement card?! A baby shower for EVERY baby she has?! Then a Christening 'gift list' as well!

My friend is very organised and always sends out gift lists.

'Organised' is not how I would describe her... confused

WannabeLaraCroft Tue 28-Jul-15 15:00:28

A gift list!??

Sorry but.......nope!

That's not 'organised'. Unless it's for a wedding it's rude imo.

WannabeLaraCroft Tue 28-Jul-15 15:00:51

Oh and YANBU. Stop it now, and explain to her why.

Gottagetmoving Tue 28-Jul-15 15:03:44

You should never have started the gift buying. It all gets too much when families increase. If she is a real friend just explain that it may be best now if you stop the gift buying for each others children as it is all becoming too expensive.
My sisters always bought my children Christmas presents but I could never afford to buy their children anything when I became a single parent through divorce and they did not mind at all.
Gift buying should never come with an expectation.

Dontloookbackinanger Tue 28-Jul-15 15:06:30

Thanks, I like the idea of a game the whole family can play (or the older 2 at least) for Christmas. That's a great idea.

To be fair to my friend on the gift list front - it started the first year because I asked what her DD wanted. Then she just got into the habit of sending them to me as it was before I had my DC and was clueless what to buy.

sillysausagewithsauce Tue 28-Jul-15 15:18:18

Could you suggest to her that instead of all the present buying that you spend a day out together as a family instead-local farm/picnic type thing. You will only pay for your one child's entry so this should work out cheaper plus you get to spend time together.
You could say that you are trying to teach your child to value people/experiences over presents and this would help??

I also think the gift lists is rude rather than organised.

MNpostingbot Tue 28-Jul-15 15:20:45

She's not organised, she's a grabby sociopath....

Although now I type that I have wondered about doing an Amazon wish list for my DC around Xmas / birthdays if only to avoid duplication. But in that case I'd only ever consider sharing it with close family and making sure there were lots of low priced gifts on there.

pasturesgreen Tue 28-Jul-15 15:55:11

She's not organised, she's a grabby sociopath....


It's not much help now, but you should never have started a patternto for gift buying at every birthday, that's insane.

In my group of friends, gifts are bought for births, christenings and first birthdays only. Then it's cards (unless of course one is invited to a birthday party, that's different).

I second what a PP said, try to go down the route of a board game/game that can be enjoyed by the whole family) at Christmas!

RachelRagged Tue 28-Jul-15 18:13:16


Gift Lists for Birthday's is just greedy, grabby and rude. The audacity of her. Different I suppose for a wedding but Birthday ? Nooo.

Also, and bear in mind I do not have little tots anymore ,, can I ask, do people have gifts at both Baby Showers AND Christenings ? That is pretty grabby as well to my mind .

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