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To be upset at 'friend's' behaviour?

(10 Posts)
Hanspannerly Tue 28-Jul-15 14:31:11

I have (had) a v good friend, R who lived on our street and we became v close. She loved my kids and they loved her and we spent loads of time together. She was at times quite high maintenance as a friend as she has bipolar which sometimes makes things difficult for her and also for those in her life. Still, she was a good friend and I was happy to support her in various ways emotionally and practically. Anyway, she moved house in November and since then we haven't seen much of her. I would make contact and arrange a meeting and then invariably she would cancel for one reason or another.
It got to April and we managed to meet for a coffee and I mentioned that I was glad to see her and that she'd come because I was about to give up. We had what I thought was a nice time. The next day she messaged me about how bad is made her feel and how I wasn't a real friend because I'd been annoyed at her lack of contact.

I was mystified but managed to smooth things over. FF to this month and we hadn't met since. We had a date booked in but she cancelled in the morning saying that her very close friend was dying (it appears she died that day) I text her back and said of course, no problem. The following week I messaged her several times saying I was thinking of her etc etc but never received a reply.
This morning I had an email from her in which she said we shouldn't be friends anymore. How I constantly upset her and the last straw had been my 'curt' message on the day her friend died, and that I hadn't asked how she was.
I've been pretty upset, I feel like she's labelled me as something I'm not. AIBU to be upset? DH says that there's nothing I can do, that her illness stops her from seeing things from my point of view. I did reply and say I was sorry she felt that way and pointing out that I had messaged her and was concerned and that I was v upset but she's not replied.

Imnotaslimjim Tue 28-Jul-15 14:34:27

YANBU to be upset at the loss of a friendship. But, I would try and let her go. It seems she's changed, and not for the better

Hanspannerly Tue 28-Jul-15 14:35:49

Yes, I think there's nothing I can do really. Plus I won't beg someone to be my friend!

SquinkiesRule Tue 28-Jul-15 15:14:05

Let it go. now I'm bloody singing in my head
When I was upset losing a friendship of a few years I was told by someone else that people come into your life, for a season, a reason, or a lifetime. Sounds like this one has come to the end of the season.

Abraid2 Tue 28-Jul-15 15:18:24

I think her illness is making her see things that aren't there. I'd let her go.

Goshthatsspicy Tue 28-Jul-15 15:33:28

Give yourself a break, you tried.
There isn't anymore you can do. smile

fastdaytears Tue 28-Jul-15 16:01:35

I'm not sure this friendship is worth fighting for BUT I do would get upset if someone said they had been going to give up on me! Even if they had actually given up on me I'd rather they didn't say it! I'm probably massively over sensitive to this but so is your (former) friend by the sounds of it. So you're not U to give up on her, but she's not the only person on the planet who would have been upset by what you said. There are two of us! Maybe three, who knows..,

Hanspannerly Tue 28-Jul-15 16:30:50

Yes I see your point, but equally I was upset by the fact she kept cancelling all our get togethers and felt like I wanted to say something about it. Anyway, what's done is done, she's decided to end our friendship so I'll just let her get on with it. Thanks for the advice.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo Tue 28-Jul-15 21:08:30

It sounds like this friendship isn't working for either of you anymore. Chalk it up to experience and focus on other friends instead. You sound like a good friend so don't be too upset.

Sallyhasleftthebuilding Tue 28-Jul-15 21:12:41

This friends was good enough for her on your door step, but not good enough for her to make any effort. You did nothing wrong, whatever she believes is her problem.

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