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to think sleeping elsewhere does not count as helping with ill DC?

(26 Posts)
AlmondAmy Tue 28-Jul-15 11:31:24

Heading into day 5 of illness in our house. DC1 (8) has D&V, DC2 (3) has a cold, chest infection and irritating cough and baby has a cold and D&V, as do I. On night one I got DC1 to sleep at 1 am then was breastfeeding baby back to sleep when DC2 woke. DP just turned over and carried on trying to sleep. I nudged him to go to her but he grumbled about how she'llccomplain it isn't me. He told her off for crying, making her hysterical then went back to bed.

The following night he slept through everything - the amount I can shake him to wake him is reduced by holding sleeping baby as I sort the others. The night after he fell asleep on the sofa at 9. The DC began waking at 10.30, DP woke and went to sleep at a friends house saying it'llbe eeasier for me because then I can just have the DC in my bed. He's acting like a martyr for giving up his bed but AIBU to think this does not count as helping??

morelikeguidelines Tue 28-Jul-15 11:33:24

No it doesn't count as helping. It counts as being very selfish.

cosmicglittergirl Tue 28-Jul-15 11:34:46

Not helping at all, he needs to stay and help you.

morelikeguidelines Tue 28-Jul-15 11:34:46

Oh, I've just seen it's you again Amy.


araiba Tue 28-Jul-15 11:36:58

that's some grade a nonsense

yorkshapudding Tue 28-Jul-15 11:39:53

Unless your definition of "helping" includes being a selfish twat then, no, it doesn't count. You must be absolutely exhausted. If he can't sacrifice a few hours sleep to attend to his partner and children who are all unwell then what exactly are you getting out of this relationship?

CarrotVan Tue 28-Jul-15 11:40:30

Totally not helping. He's being an arse

basgetti Tue 28-Jul-15 11:42:30

What morethan said. This man is a selfish partner and a woeful parent.

KeyserSophie Tue 28-Jul-15 11:43:42

No- helping includes changing puked on sheets/ pyjamas, fetching water, fishing thru every drawer in the house for the Calpol syringe thing, sitting/ sleeping on bedroom floors in case they vom again. All the things you do, in fact.

Cheby Tue 28-Jul-15 11:43:50

He's being a dick.

YANBU, not in the slightest.

AlisonBlunderland Tue 28-Jul-15 11:44:30

It is hard to shake someone awake while holding a sleeping baby.
I find gentle kicking more effective.

It migth be useful to cosleep, but he needs at the very least to be in one of the children's rooms to help change beds etc.
Lazy selfish twat

Penfold007 Tue 28-Jul-15 11:44:35

He's done you a huge favour in the long run, now he's out keep him out. No more,dealing with his horrible behaviour.

BigChocFrenzy Tue 28-Jul-15 12:32:01

Now get the locks changed. He's a useless, selfish twat

morelikeguidelines Tue 28-Jul-15 14:22:01

And as I remember it, isn't this a Sen child he is shouting at in the night?

Not acceptable anyway but it seems extra awful in the circumstances.

Please leave this man. It is tragic that your children are still being subjected to his awful parenting.

And we will all be here for you when you do.

TheRealAmyLee Tue 28-Jul-15 14:28:17

He is being totally ur.

fakenamefornow Tue 28-Jul-15 14:32:21

Yes I think it is helpful, YOU should go and stay with a friend until everybody is better making it easier for HIM to look after all the children.

Atenco Tue 28-Jul-15 15:01:32

Well at least you won't miss him when he's gone, will you, OP?

User100 Tue 28-Jul-15 15:14:09

This thread turned nasty fairly quickly (I get a feeling there's a history I don't know about). No it's not helping - if he's giving up space to let DC2 in with you why doesn't he sleep in with DC1 and deal with them!?

crazykat Tue 28-Jul-15 21:49:28

That's not helping, that's being selfish.

My dh isn't perfect (neither am I) but when we've had a similar situation dh has helped change sheets/clean up the kids/get towels etc. Then tried to get the day off work the following day, not easy in his job. If he's got the day off we've taken it in turns to grab sleep and look after the dcs, if he's had to work he's sent me to bed as soon as he's got home and taken over with the dcs for a few hours.

That's helping. Buggering off to a mate's is the opposite of helping. Even if having the dcs in bed with you would help then he should be sleeping in the dc's room ready to help when you need him to.

amothersplaceisinthewrong Tue 28-Jul-15 21:53:32

He is being very unhelpful leaving you cope with three sick children whilst also sick yourself

is he always this helpful?

morelikeguidelines Tue 28-Jul-15 22:12:24

user there is alot of history .

Alot of in involves him not doing anything for the kids, in particular with nighttimes, and even him knowingly disturbing and waking up the kids.

youareallbonkers Wed 29-Jul-15 00:23:45

She had 3 kids with him in 8 years. Why would you do that?

Purplepoodle Wed 29-Jul-15 00:37:25

I'd be throwing cup of water at him if he didn't move tbh. if he dared go to friends house I'd be packing his stuff and tell him to stay there

The5DayChicken Wed 29-Jul-15 00:44:07

He's leaving you to sort out not one, but three children, several nights in a row. While you yourself are sick.

The man is a fucking cunt.

MrsTerryPratchett Wed 29-Jul-15 00:55:59

He cares more about himself than his three small children and his DP.

I think The5DayChicken is vastly understating it with 'fucking cunt'.

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