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To not know what to do about dsis wedding?

(197 Posts)
Crimblecrumble Tue 28-Jul-15 09:02:52

My dsis is getting married abroad. I am pregnant and the baby will be 6 weeks old by the time we fly to the wedding, (if born on the due date, highly unlikely I know!).

The flight is 11 hours. This is my first child and know this in itself is nuts, but am not that fazed by the flight, other than my concern that at 6 weeks baby won't have had any vaccinations. I am worried about viruses the other passengers might be carrying.

I am also worried about being away from home for 2 weeks when the baby is so little and me and dh won't really know what we are doing. My whole family are going on the trip too though so we will have plenty of support.

I have 1dsis and we are really close, it just so happens we live in different countries. I really really really want to go to her wedding and I cannot bear the thought of missing her wedding. I also don't want to upset her by not going, I know that if she hadn't been able to come to our wedding i would have been devastated.

I feel like whatever decision I make I am letting someone down or being irresponsible.

Dh wants to go, but does not want the baby to be at risk. Which I agree with, if this was just a family holiday I would have cancelled months ago, but it is much, much more important.

Please help me see sense!

Chipshopninja Tue 28-Jul-15 09:06:07

If it was me I wouldn't go, and i would expect my sister and the rest of my family to understand.

11 hour flight with a 6 week old...not a chance in hell I would be doing that

meglet Tue 28-Jul-15 09:10:20

not a snowballs chance in hell I'd go. A pre-vacc newborn and recovering from birth on an 11hr flight shock <<shudders>>

LIZS Tue 28-Jul-15 09:12:13

Would you be able to register the birth and get a passport in time, let alone any logistical and physical issues.

Lunastarfish Tue 28-Jul-15 09:13:54

I wouldn't go, if baby is late it may only be 4 weeks old plus you'd be cutting it fine for getting a passport in time too.

TENDTOprocrastinate Tue 28-Jul-15 09:14:10

I think it's doable. A 6 week old inmo is much easier to deal with on a long flight than a toddler.
Are there any guidelines on when babies are safe to fly?

cowbag1 Tue 28-Jul-15 09:14:18

I actually think a 6wo would be easier than an older baby as they will mostly sleep and if you manage to bf exclusively by that point, it should be a breeze (no worry about sterilising or making up formula.)

RE vaccinations, what country is the wedding in? Is it a risky area for any diseases? If you are bf, hopefully baby won't come into much contact with anything that could pass anything nasty on (such as the local tap water) as long as everyone handling the baby is fastidious with hygiene.

The only thing that would concern me would be going overdue then dealing with any after effects from the birth but I started to feel more human after about 2 weeks so even if you go 2 weeks overdue you should be fine 6 weeks on from your due date. Add in all the family support on offer and I say go for it.

CherryBonBon Tue 28-Jul-15 09:14:42

You can't go in those circumstances. No way.

If your Dsis is anything other than sad but completely understanding then she's BmassivelyU.

KatoPotato Tue 28-Jul-15 09:14:46

Will you get a passport on time? Register the birth?

Sounds like a total nono to me!

Lunastarfish Tue 28-Jul-15 09:15:21

Lizs has a good point about registering the birth. I gave birth two weeks ago but the first appointment I could get to register is almost 4 weeks after the birth

LilyMayViolet Tue 28-Jul-15 09:16:47

I think it would be extremely difficult to go with a baby that will be, maybe, 6 weeks old. Perhaps not even that! We're all different but for many people those first few weeks are exhausting and overwhelming. That's apart from the logistical considerations such as passport and vaccinations.

TENDTOprocrastinate Tue 28-Jul-15 09:17:01

If you have a c section you may not be allowed to fly until post 6 weeks.

Summershiny365 Tue 28-Jul-15 09:17:08

Hello,
I'm no expert on virus and vacs I have three children and truth or myth I was told the first 6 weeks if baby is breast feeding this offers some protection from virus etc. but check with a Dr! I guess it also depends on the country... My concern is how you will Cope with your first baby, it is different for every mum, and terrible as it sounds you can't account for complications. I had an emergency c-section then had to stay in for two weeks... It sounds like if you decide to go check your tickets can be refunded, show you have every intention of going so if you need to cancel your sis will completely understand why. organise or pre plan what you will need to bring even before baby arrived (as life will be hectic after the birth) and its personal to you but it sounds like breast feeding will make this whole situation a lot easier, no worries about sterilising etc. in a foreign country. Hope this helps a little? X

cowbag1 Tue 28-Jul-15 09:17:11

Any chance you can hold off making a decision until the baby is born?

eurochick Tue 28-Jul-15 09:17:31

I'm usually pretty blase about these things but I think this is a stretch. You might be 4 weeks post section. You will be pushed to get a birth registered (it was 4 weeks to get an appointment where we are) and get a passport. Plus the vac point.

Tequilashotfor1 Tue 28-Jul-15 09:18:23

A long haul flight with a six week old will be a hell of a lot easier than one with a six month, 12 month or a toddler as they will sleep for most of it. And you can pass them round for cuddles to you your family. There are usually little cradles on the seat you can pop them in.

Also finding your way with a six week old on holiday will be the same at home or on holiday but you will have the added support of friends and family around you so you could have a little bit of a rest/swim/sunbath. You won't have to do any cleaning as you will have maids and no cooking if all inclusive.

I'd go. I'm going abroad when my dc will be eight weeks next year.

Also I can't see it being any more germy than a bus or train.

ButterDish Tue 28-Jul-15 09:19:04

I don't think it's remotely doable. Registering birth, getting passport, getting established with feeding etc, let alone the wisdom of taking an unvaccinated new baby on a long haul flight, which are total virus banks???

rightguard Tue 28-Jul-15 09:19:12

I didn't think babies could fly til they were 2 months old. I might be wrong though.

Idontseeanydragons Tue 28-Jul-15 09:20:43

Speak to your GP about baby travelling without vaccinations and the passport helpline about the passport, look I to the practicalities of the flight itself with the airline - Look into the practical details first to see if it's Actually doable then work out the rest!
Bear in mind you could still be feeling sore and very tired at 6 weeks pp - on the other hand you might bounce back in a fortnight smile you genuinely can never tell.
If you can't go and your sister gets annoyed with you then she is being very U.

PtolemysNeedle Tue 28-Jul-15 09:20:46

I wouldn't go. The baby may well be late so you could still be bleeding quite heavily with boobs squirting milk everywhere if you're going to try and bf, and that would just be if you have a perfect textbook birth.

pinkfoxes Tue 28-Jul-15 09:21:31

I think you'll be fine to. I took my first away at 8 weeks after an emergency section and it was no problem. Much easier than the following flights when they were older!

Twinkie1 Tue 28-Jul-15 09:21:32

Logistically it will be tight but I'd do it. A 6 week old baby will be a breeze on a flight compared to a toddler.

19lottie82 Tue 28-Jul-15 09:21:55

no way. you'd be risking your baby's health as he/she would be un VC'd. that alone would be utterly selfish. sorry.

ollieplimsoles Tue 28-Jul-15 09:22:12

Sorry op o know its heartbreaking for you but I don't see how you could go in these circumstances. Flight too long, full of germs, baby will be tiny, might not get registered in time...

marshmallowpies Tue 28-Jul-15 09:22:28

I think it's highly unlikely you'd get a passport in time, quite apart from the other concerns. All the time I see posts on FB saying 'we applied for baby's passport 3 months ago, we fly in 2 weeks, it hasn't turned up, help!'

I know it will be an awful shame to miss it, but people will understand, I hope. And maybe they can find a fun way for you to be a part of it - Skype in during the speeches maybe or you send a special message which gets read out by somebody?

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