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To tell MIL she can't stay over for DS's birthday?

(211 Posts)
BasinHaircut Tue 28-Jul-15 08:22:46

MN must think that I don't like my MIL because I moan about her quite a lot but I really do, she is just a bit much sometimes!

Anyway, in a couple of weeks it is DS' birthday on a Monday. We are having a party on the Sunday and she usually comes down to us on a Monday as she stays and looks after DS on Tuesday's while we are at work.

So yesterday she tells me she is going to stay on the Sunday as it's not worth her going home and coming back (an hour away).

The thing is, We had planned a nice day just the three of us on DS' birthday. last year we ended up having DH's sister as an overnight guest the night before his birthday and MIL round at what felt like first light.

MIL wi quite frankly ruin the day for me if she is there on DS' birthday again. She is a bit over-bearing both in general and especially when it comes to DS and doesn't really appreciate boundaries.

She does have the option to stay elsewhere locally on the night of the party but I know she will sulk if we tell her she can't stay. And TBH it does seem a bit mean but I can't help. It think for once I'd like to put my own feelings first.

BasinHaircut Tue 28-Jul-15 08:23:47

Few typos there!

GeorgeYeatsAutomaticWriter Tue 28-Jul-15 08:24:27

So she's good enough to provide childcare every week, but not good enough to attend her grandson's birthday party?


icklekid Tue 28-Jul-15 08:25:30

I think if you want her to look after ds on tue and be there on Sunday it is reasonable for her to be there on Monday. If you can make alternative arrangements for Tuesday then fine but otherwise I can see why she would want to stay...

Sandbrook Tue 28-Jul-15 08:25:59

Well if she's there to celebrate on the Sunday, would you consider letting her stay as she has planned but explain the Monday is a family day out for just the 3 of you?

Tbh I would be hard pushed to refuse considering she's there on a Tuesday to do you a favour

ShooBeeDooBeeDoo Tue 28-Jul-15 08:26:13

I agree with George.

BasinHaircut Tue 28-Jul-15 08:26:57

No george she is coming to his party,

honeysucklejasmine Tue 28-Jul-15 08:27:15

I'm confused. You say its a party then you say it's just the three of you. Is the party earlier in the day, then you want to spend afternoon/evening just the three of you?

MomWhereIsMy Tue 28-Jul-15 08:27:17

Yabu. It's a grandparent. Not an acquaintance. Can't you just say to her come at around 6 for tea as we are off out for the day.

ButterflyUpSoHigh Tue 28-Jul-15 08:27:36

Agree with other posters she is good enough to look after your child but not welcome on a day out.

sooperdooper Tue 28-Jul-15 08:27:42

I think you're being unreasonable - if she travels an hour there and back every Tuesday to look after your DS it makes perfect sense for her to stay from the Sunday. The only reason she wants to stay is due to looking after your child on the Tuesday, she's saving herself the time and petrol money of doing the journey twice in one week. If she's so dreadful then you should arrange alternative child care, then you won't have the issue

GeorgeYeatsAutomaticWriter Tue 28-Jul-15 08:27:49

How far away does she live?

pictish Tue 28-Jul-15 08:27:57

Logic dactates on this one - of course it makes sense for her to stay.
Sorry OP but yabu.

pictish Tue 28-Jul-15 08:28:32


FuryFowler Tue 28-Jul-15 08:28:43

Tabu, and this is coming from someone who also has an over baring mil. I have learnt to roll with it, now I don't fight it life is much less stressful x

honeysucklejasmine Tue 28-Jul-15 08:28:45

Oh! I get it now. Monday is the birthday quiet day.

What time does she normally come down on Monday?

PtolemysNeedle Tue 28-Jul-15 08:29:53

It would be a bit mean of you to send her home when she's staying on Monday anyway to do you a favour, so it would be understandable if she 'sulked' if you sent her away and either made her do pointless journeys or stay elsewhere.

mrsmeerkat Tue 28-Jul-15 08:30:07

It is a bit selfish to do that. You happy for her to provide free childcare. The boundaries are a bit open if she stays for that.

I think using grandparents as an when it suits isn't really fair. If she has to travel a 2 hour round trip it isn't on.

candlesandlight Tue 28-Jul-15 08:30:52

Yabu and selfish,

ZetaPu Tue 28-Jul-15 08:31:10

If she's expected to come back on Tuesday to provide childcare for your family's benefit, then I think you should let her stay.
It's not fair to expect her to be driving back and forth if it's easier for her to stay.

StillStayingClassySanDiego Tue 28-Jul-15 08:31:11

Difficult .

It would seem petty to tell her she can't stay over but then want her there Monday night ready for Tuesday .

Tell her you're out for the day, just the three of you and to make herself at home and you'll see her later.

Bubblesinthesummer Tue 28-Jul-15 08:31:28

I think YABU. As others say she provides free childcare for you once a week.

Duggee Tue 28-Jul-15 08:32:06

I think it's really rude to expect her to come down Sunday and Tuesday and not stay over. The only way this wouldn't be rude is if you find alternative childcare for Tuesday.

Nooname01 Tue 28-Jul-15 08:32:25

I normally side against ILs as I despise my own FIL so am usually not very objective....

But even I think YABU.

She looks after your ds for a whole day every week!!!! Suck it up lady.

chippednailvarnish Tue 28-Jul-15 08:33:04

Maybe it's time to pay for alternative childcare...

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