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to be so gutted about losing out on this break?

(129 Posts)
JammyGem Tue 28-Jul-15 07:56:16

Was supposed to be going to France next week to meet DP's parents for the first time. It was going to be a nice break for us both as well as things have been a bit tough recently for both of us.

DP told me last night thatched doesn't want me to come with him anymore. His parents are quite ill and he doesn't think they'll cope. Which.is completely fair enough and I understand completely, but I'm so gutted.

I'm being selfish I know, and I hope his parents get better. But I'm so disappointed - I really wanted to meet them, I wanted to get on with them, and I wanted the break away from everything.

I'm on a zero hours contract so put myself as unavailable for the two weeks, and now the rota is set in stone so I'm missing out on work when money is tight enough as it is. I can't afford to do anything else so I'll be sat at home for two weeks.

I'm being so selfish but I'm just so upset. Tell me I'm being unreasonable so I can feel better about it all.

Totality22 Tue 28-Jul-15 08:01:04

What is wrong with his parents? Surely if it's both of them it could only just at worst a bug or flu? So they aren't going to be sick for the whole 2 weeks?

Could you not go over later? Maybe for a week or long weekend? Can you and DP stay elsewhere if they are recovering from an illness?

Totality22 Tue 28-Jul-15 08:02:28

You say things have been tough? Do you think DP could just not want you to go and is making an excuse?

morelikeguidelines Tue 28-Jul-15 08:04:23

This does not sound great , tbh. How long have you been together ? Do you live together, as saying "dp" implies ?

On the face of it yanbu, unless parents illness has suddenly got worse.

sandgrown Tue 28-Jul-15 08:05:00

How disappointing .Can you let work know you are available just in case anyone goes sick or something. Can you look around for any free activities in your area. Maybe go visit friends ? Anybody going crazy with kids at home may appreciate company. Go to the pound shop and get some cheap products for a pamper day? Try and do something every day so you don't feel your time off is wasted.

MarchelineWhatNot Tue 28-Jul-15 08:08:33

How disappointing! I really feel sorry for you. I don't think he's being entirely honest with you, though.

WaywardOn3 Tue 28-Jul-15 08:13:07

You could see it as an opportunity to crack open your CV work on it and start applying for jobs that aren't zero hours?

And have a wine/ pamper day
Explore your local nice park (Wollaton hall deer park is free and very nice if you have something like that near you) :-)

fastdaytears Tue 28-Jul-15 08:26:57

I'd be so upset. It all sounds very odd though and unless his parents are really seriously ill (and only diagnosed this week) quite inconsiderate. Are things ok with him generally?

lougle Tue 28-Jul-15 08:32:40

That's not nice. How can his parents 'not cope'? Are you so difficult to be around that you'd cause them stress? I don't think YABU at all!

PtolemysNeedle Tue 28-Jul-15 08:32:57

It sounds like there's more to it than just his parents being ill and he doesn't want you to come for other reasons. What did he say is actually wrong with his parents?

DextersMistress Tue 28-Jul-15 08:38:21

I agree with pp that your dp isn't being completely honest with you.

However, surely you must have some money you were going to spend on holiday that you could do something with?

19lottie82 Tue 28-Jul-15 08:46:32

hmmm something sounds a bit odd. both of them are far too ill to meet you? has your dp suggested any alternatives, like you join him later, meet his parents briefly (if need be), then the two of you can do your own thing?

19lottie82 Tue 28-Jul-15 08:49:44

Do you live together, as saying "dp" implies ?

You can be someone's "DP" without living together you know.
My DM has been with her boyfriend / partner / other half / male friend for 19 years but they don't live together because they prefer it that way. I even call him my Step Dad, Is he not her partner?

JammyGem Tue 28-Jul-15 08:55:28

He hasn't suggested any alternatives.

I kinda saw it coming but hoped it wouldn't, iyswim. His parents are both very elderly and have been struggling more and more, especially with the heatwave they have at the moment. His mother has been in and out of hospital the last couple of months with various tests and that, but they still can't figure out what's wrong with her - DP is worried about her enough as it is, and now his dad is having to have hospital appointments to do with his stomach as well.

I'm a bit hurt about them not being able to cope - I wasn't planning to be the kind of guest that expects the hosts to do everything, and DP knows I'd planned to help around the house, do some cooking etc.

I hate to admit it but I do feel like there's more to this. He's upset I can't go with him, it was supposed to be a birthday treat as well (birthday tomorrow), and he'd said about taking me out tonight but to be honest I'm just a bit too hurt and disappointed to want to.

When I say things have been tough, I don't mean between us. My DF isn't well himself at the moment, my job is at risk, I had an operation a couple of months ago, been struggling financially, and various other things. It's why I was looking forward to the break.

JammyGem Tue 28-Jul-15 09:00:11

I've spent the last couple months job hunting, refining my CV, going to interviews, being rejected. I know I should use the two weeks productively but part of the point of us going away was to have a break from that.

I don't know what I'm going to do. I'm broke, so no money to do anything - my DM gave me the money for the flights and DF some euros for my birthday.

I jay want a fucking break from it all, and I hate that I'm being so selfish about it when his parents are so I'll, he's worried enough about them without me being all childish and stroppy about it.

19lottie82 Tue 28-Jul-15 09:00:51

I don't know OP, it's difficult to really comment without knowing more about your relationship.

If his parents are both genuinely ill, then it is going to be a tough time for all involved. If he brings you then they will feel obliged to "entertain" you, which is stressful enough at the best of times.

Can you not go visit some friends or family members for a few days while your DP sees his parents?

Only1scoop Tue 28-Jul-15 09:04:05

Can you be reimbursed for the flights or change your destination.

He surely feels bad if your going to lose money in tickets. Will be reimburse you?

MorrisZapp Tue 28-Jul-15 09:09:08

Are you actually going to lose money on this? Ie unchangeable flights? I think that's a bit off of him to decide so late in the day. Presumably all avenues have been explored for eg going over but not staying with his ill parents etc?

Do you and your dp live together, share bills etc?

MorrisZapp Tue 28-Jul-15 09:12:45

Btw I know it doesn't help you now but many years ago, me and DP went to France for a much planned and wanted holiday. He got ill on day two, and we had to come home. I was devastated (not life threatening illness I hasten to add).

Anyway, a few days later we made an offer on a flat and we got it. We still live here now and it's the best thing we've ever done. If we'd had the full holiday we would have missed out massively.

Just a way of seeing the plus points of not going on holiday!

mayaknew Tue 28-Jul-15 09:13:11

Op it sounds like his parents aren't keeping well but it doesn't sound like they're at deaths door . Maybe meeting you and having a nice wee week would actually do them some good ?

Also, if your mum paid for your flights then I really done think your dp can uninvite you unless he plans to reimburse your mum for her flight money . How would your mum feel knowing she wasted her money on a holiday that your dp just decided to uninvite you from .

I think you really need to talk to your dp op this is really unfair I really feel for you sad

JammyGem Tue 28-Jul-15 09:16:38

Weer don't live together, we'd been planning to move in together as soon as I have a full time job.

I'm not losing money - he paid for the flights with the intention of me paying him back when I got paid, but when DM found out she gave me the money to pay him back for my birthday. So no one's out of pocket really. Wish I'd known before though so I could have picked up extra shifts at work.

I understand why they would find it stressful, but that doesn't stop me being hurt.

I don't really have any friends that I could go visit. I might go back to my parents' again instead, but when I spoke to my mum she said she thought it might be a bit pointless seeing as I won't see much of them - they work full time and are members of various clubs/sports so aren't really in.

I don't know about going but not staying with his parents - I couldn't afford to stay anywhere and I think DP would like to just stay looking after his parents and doing jobs for them anyway.

ohtheholidays Tue 28-Jul-15 09:17:17

If the trip is all paid for could you not still go but just stay somewhere else whilst your over there?

Whatabout Tue 28-Jul-15 09:22:37

Are you saying that he booked your flights and you have reimbursed him although he has decided yoU can't go? I think he should be paying for them as he has uninvited you.

How long have you been together? Perhaps it is just too soon for him?

19lottie82 Tue 28-Jul-15 09:25:43

Op it sounds like his parents aren't keeping well but it doesn't sound like they're at deaths door . Maybe meeting you and having a nice wee week would actually do them some good ?

Or maybe they are actually ill / stressed, and the last thing they want it having to entertain a guest for a week?

JammyGem Tue 28-Jul-15 09:43:00

He was the one pushing for me to meet his parents (I wanted to wait a little while longer, not because I don't want to meet them but because they don't speak English and I wanted to improve my French to make a better impression) and he says he's really upset that I won't be meeting them for at least another year now (they are too infirm to travel here and DP's job doesn't really allow him much time off)

I know that it's for the best for them and I really do hope they feel better, I wouldn't want to stress them out even more.

He's saying about organising a weekend away for us insteadto somewhere else in France, and maybe popping in to see his parents for the afternoon if possible, but I don't think that'll happen this year, what with him having to get time off.

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