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To think this is the most cowardly way to dump someone?

(40 Posts)
muminthecity Tue 28-Jul-15 01:02:58

I've been single, quite happily, for almost 8 years - have had a few flings in that time but nothing serious. A couple of months ago I met someone by chance, we hit it off and exchanged numbers. Almost immediately we were talking and texting every day (more him than me - he definitely did most of the chasing.) We seemed to connect and there was definitely a spark, or so I thought. We had a few dates which went really well, loads of conversation, lots of laughter. We had loads in common, he confided in me about his childhood etc. Then all of a sudden, he just stopped calling and texting. He sent me a text last Wednesday, I replied, then nothing. I tried calling the following day, no answer. I sent one final text a few days later asking him to let me know what was going on, said it was fine if he didn't want to meet up anymore but to please let me know. Nothing. There was nothing leading up to this to suggest that he was going cold/wasn't interested, conversation was all normal.

He's obviously decided he doesn't want to see me anymore but AIBU to think this is just cowardly, and the least he could do is give some sort of explanation, or even make up an excuse? I'm so annoyed that the one person I've felt any sort of connection with in the best part of a decade has turned out to be so horrible, and even more annoyed at myself for caring so much!

Koalafications Tue 28-Jul-15 01:05:12

It's pretty shitty behaviour.

flowers for you

CordeliaFoxx Tue 28-Jul-15 01:06:33

No help to offer - but thought you were going to say it was a post it note!

Ragwort Tue 28-Jul-15 01:07:11

Yes it is extremely cowardly but perhaps just be grateful that the relationship is clearly over before you have invested any more time and energy in it. Make sure you block his number so that he can't call you again if he suddenly realises what he is missing.

Kiwiinkits Tue 28-Jul-15 01:07:20

Yanbu. Cowardly and weak. Good riddance to him.

muminthecity Tue 28-Jul-15 01:07:42

Thanks Koala

Cordelia - I'd much prefer a post it note! At least then I'd have a definitive answer!

RealityCheque Tue 28-Jul-15 01:08:15

Perhaps he's in hospital? Or prison? Or dead?

If not he's a knobhead!

Fatmomma99 Tue 28-Jul-15 01:08:40

The horrible thing is, it could be anything.... it could be something trivial but practical (like the wires being down), it could be a work stress. It could be something horrible - like he may be married with a family doing a flirt.

You might never know.

Unfortunately, you have to put it down to experience. flowers and hope you meet someone more suitable soon. x

ZappDingbat Tue 28-Jul-15 01:09:27

Are you sure he is just ignoring you rather than there being a valid reason for not being in touch? Ie being very poorly or something.

muminthecity Tue 28-Jul-15 01:10:14

Ragwort - That's what I keep trying to tell myself, but I just can't seem to silence that stupid little voice in the back of my head that is constantly trying to think up reasonable excuses, like his phone is broken or he's in hospital or a family member has died or something. I know none of this is true and I know how pathetic I sound - but my heart just isn't listening to my brain!

Effic Tue 28-Jul-15 01:10:41

Awful behaviour - shame on him angry and I'm sorry he's made you feel like that.

muminthecity Tue 28-Jul-15 01:11:28

X-posted with lots of you! I suppose there is a tiny possibility that he has a good reason for not being in touch but I think it's unlikely.

DrLego Tue 28-Jul-15 01:18:51

He might just be busy. I go weeks without replying to people when I'm very busy. It's not even a week!

muminthecity Tue 28-Jul-15 01:24:57

Definitely not that DrLego. He was texting every day for two months prior to this, and my last message made it clear I was waiting for a response. If he was busy he would just text me and tell me that, and would still find the time for a few messages and always a good night message before he went to sleep.

DrLego Tue 28-Jul-15 01:28:45

I know it's upsetting. I was seeing someone once who went off radar for 3 weeks and I was all completely tied up in knots over it, but he resurfaced as if nothing happened. When I pointed out 3 weeks was a long time he said he thought it was only a week or so confused and was lovely thereafter. In the end though I think I vanished on him blush. Don't worry. Meh. Arse if this is his way of ending it, but I suspect you'll hear from him again, at which point you may be cross or ambivalent, etc. But really, it could be anything.

AlfAlf Tue 28-Jul-15 01:41:11

Issa dumped like this by my last bf before I got together with my dh.
It's so humiliating and disrespectful.
There's actually a specific word for this method of dumping, but I can't remember what it is spineless shithead would doubt it's not that.

AlwaysSpoiled34 Tue 28-Jul-15 01:46:55

Some people were free spirits in the past but decided to change. They stick to what they have. There has to be a really serious reason to make any major changes. Some people expect so much from friendship that it is almost unhealthy. And also MH problems. It is a roller coaster or nothing at all. If you come back from Iraq the best way is to keep helping wounded soldiers. Respect your partner, stay away from the pub, meditate. Do not start spinning again. This time it might not be forgiven.

muminthecity Tue 28-Jul-15 01:51:19

AlfAlf - It's called 'ghosting' I believe, and is more common that you'd think, according to the internet!

AlwaysSpoiled34 Tue 28-Jul-15 01:53:32

Friends should offer a shoulder to cry on.

muminthecity Tue 28-Jul-15 01:58:39

Um, are you feeling ok AlwaysSpoiled? confused

AlwaysSpoiled34 Tue 28-Jul-15 02:00:44

I will be fine in a while. I just need to make it go away for good.

RosePetels Tue 28-Jul-15 02:18:11

That is a horrible way to behave and very childish if he has dumped you like that but are you sure nothing has happendd to him?

AlwaysSpoiled34 Tue 28-Jul-15 02:27:28

He will be back with his wife sooner than later. Do I have MH problems? Maybe. But I will never harm myself.

LaurieJuspeczyk Tue 28-Jul-15 02:39:39

I know people do get dumped this way, but my first thought in that situation would be worrying that something had happened to him - do you have any mutual friends who would let you know if it had?

AcrossthePond55 Tue 28-Jul-15 03:04:41

My first thought was that he's either married and his wife saw the texts and/or overheard the calls, or he has gotten back with a recent girlfriend.

No matter what, it was a cowardly thing to do.

Alwaysspoiled are you meaning to post on this thread? Your posts don't make a lot of sense as responses to the OP.

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