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(28 Posts)
Fatmomma99 Tue 28-Jul-15 00:31:34

Went to a party over the weekend (a bbq. luckily was dry). The party was for a group who are doing a workshop, so about 25 kids aged 13 - 18. The workshop takes place in a reasonably major city, surrounded by villages.

The party was in a village about a 1/2 hour drive away from the major city.

Parents were also invited, but it was for the kids, really.

My DD is dong this annual event for the first time, there are people there who've been going for years (this workshop has been running for 10 - 12 years), and parents have older siblings, so been going for a while.

Although gorgeous, the party was held in quite a small garden, with about enough chairs for half the adults.

We arrive fashionably late, and there are two chairs together which DH and I take.
After about 3/4 of an hour, the food is ready, so after letting the majority of the kids fill their boots, DH and I get up to get some food. DH leaves his jumper on his chair and I leave my handbag on mine.
After getting food, his chair is free, mine is taken by another parent.

Was I U to save a chair when there weren't enough to go round?

She'd pushed by bag backwards, so it was against the back of the chair.

What we did was leave it, and after uncomfortably eating standing up, I sat on DH's chair and after 10 mins said to the person sitting on "my" chair (now I feel like one of the 3 bears!) "excuse me, could I get my handbag?". At which point she apologised and sat on the floor.

My DH and I being new to this didn't know other parents and were quite shy, so were grateful to bag a space and talk to each other (and eventually the parent next to me, and eventually more widely, but we were shy at this event, with much posher - most at private school - and richer [we have struggled to pay for this event] parents. Of course they seem more confident than us - it always looks like that when you're on the outside, doesn't it!

Quite soon after this, all the kids piss off to the local park, and the parents mingle more freely. Much later on, talked to the woman who'd pinched my chair, and she was lovely. But I spent the conversation sat down, and didn't offer her a turn!

Was I rude to save a chair when spaces are limited? And was she to sit on my chair?

I hope this woman isn't on MN!!!!!!

BackforGood Tue 28-Jul-15 00:42:55

Yes, YWBU to try to save chairs at a party where there are only enough chairs for half the people there.
You'd already sat for 45mins, then it was someone else's turn. It was your chance to mingle and chat to new people whilst other people had a chance to rest their feet for a while.

Fatmomma99 Tue 28-Jul-15 00:46:26

It was SO hard to mingle... They were SO posh!

We did it eventually, but it really wasn't easy.

(it isn't when there's loads of people who know each other and you don't know anyone!)

But, ok. IWU. Sorry!

Ragwort Tue 28-Jul-15 00:54:36

I think the hosts were unreasonable not to provide enough chairs for the adults to sit on, or at the very least to ask people to 'bring a chair' - I've been to quite a few parties where we have been asked to bring a chair grin.

I know I am ancient but I would hate to go somewhere and not be able to sit down grin.

RealityCheque Tue 28-Jul-15 01:12:49

You were not unreasonable. She was a selfish prick. You arrived late but still got chairs.

But you should have told her to move when you first noticed she was sitting there.

The hosts were also knobs. It should be held IN the city and in a suitably sized venue.

CloserToFiftyThanTwenty Tue 28-Jul-15 01:15:07

I wouldn't like there not being enough chairs either, but yeah, you can't bagsy a chair all party in these circumstances

Anon4Now2015 Tue 28-Jul-15 06:59:39

You were being unreasonable. You can't save a chair at a party where there aren't enough chairs for everyone - not unless you are heavily pregnant or have a disability.

She was very kind to offer you the chair back when you asked for the handbag (and you were a little rude to accept it) - most people would have just given you the handbag.

Spartans Tue 28-Jul-15 07:13:51

Ywbu. You got up from the chair and tried to save it, which imo is a bit selfish.

The fact that she sat on the end of the chair and didn't move the bag says, to me, she was expecting whoever had saved the chair to come back and ask for their bag at which point she would have vacated the chair. I think her intention was to sit in it til you came back. So Ywbu not to just ask for your bag. When you did ask for it, she sat on the floor.

Yabu to say it's hard to mingle because they were posh. Imagine 'posh' people reversing that.

Tbh there should have been more chairs, I wonder if not that any parents usually turn up.

temperato Tue 28-Jul-15 07:18:14

Ywbu, you can't save a seat at a private party. It just doesn't work like that.

LordEmsworth Tue 28-Jul-15 07:21:30

Is it usual to have enough seats for everyone at a barbecue? I thought standing up to eat was part of the experience...

But surely it was a good thing that there weren't enough seats? If there had been, you would never have had the impetus to mingle and talk to other people - the two of you would have sat together the whole time. I struggle to talk to anyone I don't know, so I know it's hard, but things like that force me into making an effort rather than hiding in the corner...

Nolim Tue 28-Jul-15 07:23:02


morelikeguidelines Tue 28-Jul-15 07:32:13

I don't know tbh, I can see both sides.

I think ideally there should be enough chairs!

I want to say yanbu though, op, because I usually agree with you on here!

TagineKaput Tue 28-Jul-15 07:33:10

YWBU - you shouldn't try to save a seat when there aren't enough. Why couldn't you sit on the ground like she did when she gave you the chair back?

morelikeguidelines Tue 28-Jul-15 07:34:32

Also i do understand about them being posh. It can seem intimidating . I don't think it is the same as the other way around at all.

editthis Tue 28-Jul-15 07:45:30

I do understand, but YWBU, I'm afraid.

But also I would say it was maybe a bit more rude (and not a little awkward, if you were shy to begin with) to sit down while talking to someone else who was standing up. It doesn't look right to me and creates an imbalance.

CognitiveIllusion Tue 28-Jul-15 07:56:49

Sorry but I think YWBU. A private party isn't like bagging a deck chair on the beach. You had had the chair for 45 mins, it would have been polite to let someone else have a turn.

scarletforya Tue 28-Jul-15 07:57:33

I think you were unreasonable for trying to hog a chair when there weren't enough. I'm not sure why you thought that was ok!?shock

pictish Tue 28-Jul-15 08:06:11

She was a selfish prick

Huh? confused

Don't think you get to reserve seats for yourself at parties do you? It's first come first served and if you leave that seat, it's fair game to anyone else.
Thems the rules, posh or not.

Collaborate Tue 28-Jul-15 08:14:49

Someone had probably sat on the seats before the 2 of you arrived. If there aren't enough chairs to go round it is unreasonable for anyone to "claim" a chair as you both tried to do.

WizardOfToss Tue 28-Jul-15 08:45:52

Ok, you know YWBU. The whole reserving seats at a party thing is not on.

In the kindest possible way, its about thinking about others rather than yourself, isn't it? If you weren't both worrying about being shy, not knowing other people, them being 'so posh', needing to be sat next to each other wouldn't have been an issue. And it wouldn't have mattered that someone took 'your seat' because they wanted to sit down just as much as you did.

That sounds harsh, I don't mean it to be. I know you are a lovely poster! I'm just very aware that being introverted can mean you're looking inward in difficult situations rather than outward, and perhaps not considering others as much as yourself, just in that moment. I really don't mean to offend, I'm just speaking from experience with my DH. He appreciates me letting him know when it happens! smile

TripTrapTripTrapOverTheBridge Tue 28-Jul-15 08:54:48

You are being totally unreasonable to write a long post about it and still be bothered by a blinking seat at a party!

morelikeguidelines Tue 28-Jul-15 08:58:20

wizard that is such a good post!

I think I am really guilty of that at times too.

If it helps op, I think I would have sat on the floor to eat when my seat was gone, as the woman did later.

Mygardenistoobig Tue 28-Jul-15 09:01:29

I think the best way to mingle and meet new friends is not to sit down next to the only other person I know.

I always find that standing and moving around to where other people are standing invites conversation.

Sitting down in one spot means you don't get the chance to interact with others.

I don't think the woman was unreasonable either.

MaidOfStars Tue 28-Jul-15 09:10:12

YWBU to try and save a chair.
YWBaBitRude to accept the chair back from her.
YWBaLotRude to conduct a conversation with a standing person while remaining seated.

editthis Tue 28-Jul-15 09:25:00

waves at maid

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