My lovely Mum passed away almost 3 weeks ago after being diagnosed with cancer in March. The end came very suddenly and I am devastated. I have a few different groups of friends, one being a crowd of 6 girls who ive been friends with for between 15-20 years. We only meet up/have any contact around 3 or 4 times a year due to geographics and family commitments but have shared holidays, weekends away and been to each other's weddings and I consider them all close friends despite not seeing one another all the time. So, after my mum passed away I texted one of the girls who happened to have sent me a text a couple of days previously to tell her the sad news and ask her to let the others know. Subsequently, I received either a text, email or card from all but 2 of these girls. I am struggling to understand why 2 friends who themselves come from very close families don't even acknowledge that a friend has had such a significant loss. One part of me is cross that I'm even wasting my emotions on this but it seems to be adding to my feelings of 'what's life all about'. I actually feel like I never want anything to do with either of them again but perhaps that's my grief talking. X
AIBU?
I'm sorry for your loss 
Is it possible she didn't actually text everyone? Maybe they didn't actually get a text?
I'm sorry for your loss. I think it's the grief talking. Many things could have happened- the original friend could have missed them off the list, or texted an old number or they could have sent a card wrongly addressed or to the wrong address. They may even have misunderstood the relayed message as a 'give F123 some space. You could now contact the missing friends yourself- 'How are you? Did you hear about my Mum, I'm absolutely devastated.'
(((Look after yourself)))
Can you confirm with your friend that the others definately got the message about your mum? It would be awful if you were feeling so hurt and it turned out to be a miscommunication.
If they have been told yet haven't got in touch then I do think that is shameful of them. Sometimes people are so bad at not knowing what to say they somehow think it's better to avoid it altogether, which of course is very wrong.
Sorry that you have lost your mum in such awful circumstances
The grief is making you focus on this and give the lack of acknowledgement from these two friends more attention than it deserves, but that's totally understandable.
The small minority of people who don't say anything do stand out at times like this in my experience. Some people just really don't have a clue what to do or say, it doesn't make them bad people, it usually means that they're overtaken by their own fear about doing or saying the wrong thing. But really it wouldn't matter what they said as long as they said something.
I'm so sorry you lost your Mum. Cancer is truly shit.
I'm so sorry you are going through this. A death will show you who your real friends are. My gorgeous dh passed away early last year and it was upsetting knowing the people who did not and still not have bothered to make contact. This is assuming your friends got the message. I know it's hard, but try not to dwell on it to much. I'm sure this happens to most people who a loved one dies. for you
Sorry for your lose op
My mum died in April very unsuspected. None of my so called friends have been there for me, one even continued to talk about her stupid affair she's having at work like I really give a shit!
When something like this happens you see who your real friends are.
I cut off a lot of people, blocked and deleted don't have time. Fuck them.
I am also sorry for your loss.
I think people often don't "know" how to behave or what to say, so they do nothing. It's not malicious or nasty, but they see it as giving you space, or being uncomfortable and not wanting to do the wrong thing.
When I was 17 (a million years ago), my boyfriend's grand-dad (on his dad's side) died of cancer on a Friday night. It wasn't unexpected, but it was sad. My boyfriend's dad always went out with his mates on a Friday night. He umm'd and err'd about whether or not to go out like he always would, and in the end, he went. I was REALLY shocked he went out, because I was brought up in a religion which has rituals around death, and NO WAY would someone 'go out' for a night with their mates unless they were making a statement. (I say again, I was only 17!).
When I told my mum, she said that for CofE people, there's no hard and fast rules like there were for us, and so they don't know what to do in a situation like that. And, actually, my bf's dad prob got a lot of support from his friends, and had an opportunity to let off some steam (i.e. grief) and toast his dad. Plus a bit of normality in an abnormal situation would have been very comforting to him. And a way for his friends to support him too.
So I really, really learned from that, and don't judge what people do around death. It's a horrible time, and leaves those around unsure what to do for the best. NO ONE wants to be the one who gets it wrong, and - often - doing nothing is perceived as being better than putting a foot in it.
When my DD died, we got lots of cards saying things like "I'm praying for you" and people said that to my face too. But my dad was an atheist (despite being born of a religion albeit one that is a minority in this country). He would have HATED being prayed for. So the people who said that, it was more about them than him. But I did recognize that they were reaching out to me/us/him. And that was the important thing, I think.
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