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to just say enough and walk away from this friend

(37 Posts)
coffeeisnectar Mon 27-Jul-15 20:34:00

I've been friends with her for three years. I met her at school and offered to help at a charity camping event she was running. We (me, dp and kids) helped all weekend and we became good friends. She's married with five kids.

But I've noticed a pattern of her making a new friend, smothering them with attention, time and offers of help and then suddenly dropping them. She did this to another long term friend last year and then a new shiny friend turned up and she dropped me and a few others. She fell out with the shiny friend who then sent me a series of messages between them both where my friend said things like "coffees dd is a nasty bitch"(dd is 9) and "if I didn't need coffee to pick ds up from school I'd tell her to fuck off". I was devastated.

I confronted her, as did another friend who received emails containing similar content about her. Friend said she was sorry and had been sucked in by shiny friend. We all helped at the camping event again.

This year she has made another friend, farming friend. Friend has now got two horses at farming friends farm and its all she has talked about. She decided to hold the camping event at the farm this year. For months I've been excluded from organising things and we are just back from five days at camp (I'm now bed bound with pain and unable to walk) and she has ignored me all weekend unless I've actually asked her something. She did not ask me to do any activity despite me offering and at the end when I was nearly crying with pain trying to put the tent away and asked for help she said she was busy.

She has posted on Facebook about everyone helping (except me) and bought presents for all the helpers (except me). I was up at 3am helping peg in a tent trying to take off one night, I cooked for two families who had kids with sen and helped look after their kids so the single parents could go to the toilet or get a break.

I know this will out me but I'm hurt beyond words at the way she's treated me but also that she's so obsessed with the farm that she's now basing camp there permanently when it's just not suitable in wet weather. Families left early as they were living in waterlogged tents and clothes. She didn't care but in previous years she's gone out of her way to help others. She's changed so much. I'm lying here in agony and wonder why I bothered.

StillStayingClassySanDiego Mon 27-Jul-15 20:36:23

Drop her, she doesn't care about you.

Tell her to fuck off if she gets back to you .

AuntyMag10 Mon 27-Jul-15 20:37:41

After what she said about your dd it's baffling why you went back for more. You should have cut her out way back then. She sounds vile and tacky.

Goshthatsspicy Mon 27-Jul-15 20:37:49

I'm sorry, you've been spectacularly used.
Time to move on. flowers
Her loss.

Floggingmolly Mon 27-Jul-15 20:39:17

How did she justify those emails as "having been sucked in by" new friend? hmm. And more importantly; why did you fall for it??

TheRealAmyLee Mon 27-Jul-15 20:39:27

Drop her and do it now. Sounds poisonous and not good for you. Feel better soon!

ImperialBlether Mon 27-Jul-15 20:43:43

I'm not a fan of Facebook but this seems to me to be one of those times where a short sharp comment from you is in order, followed by an immediate block.

Why do you do anything for this woman? She's not a friend - she's really horrible.

After she said those things about you and your daughter I am amazed you have anything to do with her.

ReputableBiscuit Mon 27-Jul-15 20:44:11

OP, you need more self esteem. She's a bitch, not a friend. Ditch and move on. You owe it to your daughter not to give time to someone so rude about her.

TendonQueen Mon 27-Jul-15 20:44:40

At least now it's crystal clear what she's like and you can never bother with her or her events again. I take it you don't still pick up her DS from school? If so you need to stop that straight away.

ListenWillYou Mon 27-Jul-15 20:44:40

She sounds awful but you really need to wise up about letting people take advantage of you.

coffeeisnectar Mon 27-Jul-15 20:45:56

I know. I feel like a twat for going back for more. I am too soft for my own good really. I feel so sad today, it's like I've just realised what an idiot I am but I liked her, loved her kids who got on well with mine and I would never treat anyone like that. The main thing is the camp is seeing all the families who come year after year and its the only time I see them all.

Lesson learned I guess. I've removed her on facebook but doubt she's noticed. I don't think she will be in touch but if she is I will tell her why I'm walking away.

whois Mon 27-Jul-15 20:49:33

Why did you go back for more after she called your DD a bitch and openly said she was using you?

Get away and stay away from this woman.

Sounds a shames she's ruining this camping event but you're best out of it and out of her life.

Sparklepup Mon 27-Jul-15 20:55:27

Tell her to piss off ! De friend her, avoid her at all costs and thank yourself lucky she is no longer in your life - she is a user

tictactoad Mon 27-Jul-15 20:56:25

She'd have been dead in the water the instant I was made aware of those hideous messages.

Run away and don't look back.

AspieAndNT Mon 27-Jul-15 20:57:10

How very bizarre! Why would you WANT to be associated with someone like that??

Please get some self respect and don't go back for more.

1Morewineplease Mon 27-Jul-15 20:59:41

Get rid is all I can say... She sounds very whimsical and ergo a tad narcissistic.. Is clearly obsessed with her own self.... Just completely obliterate her from your mind if you can... She's a taker... Do not feel any guilt whatsoever!

ListenWillYou Mon 27-Jul-15 21:26:17

Don't beat yourself up about this coffee. I'm sure most people have done similar. I certainly did when I was younger. I've wised up now I'm older and more bitter You mustn't regret helping out at the camp - it sounds like it was a very worthwhile thing to do. I'm sure the parents appreciated it.

TiredButFine Mon 27-Jul-15 21:32:28

I don't know if she does have a touch of a personality disorder, nut it might help you to read up on the various types and imagine that she has. There are so many people like this, lots of women I have met/known of. They have to "love bomb" a new friend, then they have to "devalue" them.
It's totally rubbish fir the subject victim sounds like you have a friend who has also seen through the act. Other people will too, in time.

RosePetels Mon 27-Jul-15 22:56:49

There are 'friend users' I've encountered as few in my time.
Don't have any sympathy for these types of people, they are nasty and just use and upset people .
If you don't want to argue just block her and don't even say why u dropped her out

cleanmyhouse Mon 27-Jul-15 23:01:32

Ditch her. And don't be picking up no DS from school either.

And stop beating yourself up. Lesson learned.

cleanmyhouse Mon 27-Jul-15 23:02:55

Oh. And rest assured it will all go tits up with farming friend.

cuntycowfacemonkey Mon 27-Jul-15 23:06:25

Ditch her and and like others have said stop picking her kids up from school.

Boofy27 Mon 27-Jul-15 23:12:14

She's not your friend.

Aeroflotgirl Mon 27-Jul-15 23:13:45

Drop her,and never look back. She is nasty, why did you put up with that crap for so long.

Madamekitty Mon 27-Jul-15 23:14:17

I could of written your OP even down to the slagging your child off and hearing it on the grapevine. My 'friend' is bipolar. After a couple of years of this treatment I stopped all contact, broke my heart and still upsets me today but decided I was too sensitive to deal with it. Move on she's not a friend.

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