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Advice with fat comments

(82 Posts)
balls2DWall Mon 27-Jul-15 17:23:11

I get on really well with my sil. she intimidates me slightly as she is so slim and pretty but very nice girl. however, her kids (4 and 6) constantly say to me "have you a baby in your tummy" and when i say no they say "then why are you so fat?". she brushes them off and says don't be rude to the kids but thats it. aib overly sensitive? i am "fat" so they are not wrong though i teach my son that the word "fat" can hurt people's feelings. my weight is a big issue for me and knocks me every time i hear these kids say it.

Fuckup Mon 27-Jul-15 17:31:23

yanbu to be offended by that as its rudeness, and if theyve been told once not to say it then they shouldn't be saying it.

However, there isnt alot that you can do about it really. It doesnt seem worth starting a family row over, as any mention could be seen as a criticism of sil parenting which is always a risky idea. The only thing you could try is being firm with the kids yourself, something along the lines of "I've told you before that Im not pregnant, and calling someone fat is very rude as your mum told you last time".

SoleBizzzz Mon 27-Jul-15 17:31:58

Are you wondering if your SIL has made those comments about you and the children have overheard?

PtolemysNeedle Mon 27-Jul-15 17:32:35

Tell the children off yourself. Personally, I don't agree with telling children that the word fat is rude, but they absolute should be told that commenting on other people's appearances is rude unless it's a compliment. Next time these children say anything to you, tell them that they're being rude for commenting, silly for asking questions they have already had answered, and unkind to say something that is mean.

balls2DWall Mon 27-Jul-15 17:35:06

SoleBizzz i hadnt before but now i am!! sad

yorkshapudding Mon 27-Jul-15 17:44:29

I'm sorry OP, it's never nice having people pass comment on things we are already insecure about. The fact that the comments come from children doesn't necessarily make them easier to hear. If anything it's more difficult as it's generally considered bad form to tell a child to shut up and mind their own business grin

I would be mortified and extremely apologetic if my DC said this to anybody. I would also be wanting to nip it in the bud in case they did the same thing at school, potentially hurting an overweight child's feelings and getting a reputation for themselves as a bully. The fact that your SIL didn't seem too bothered makes me wonder about her attitude towards people she considers "fat" and whether the kids have picked anything up from her. Normally i'm not one for telling off other people's kids but since SIL has failed to address this and it's causing you so much upset I think next time they visit if they say it again a simple "that's a very unkind thing to say" would not be out of line. Having an adult other than their parent pull them up on it might make a difference or it might just shame SIL into telling them off herself.

ollieplimsoles Mon 27-Jul-15 17:48:50

That's a very rude thing to say to an adult! confused I would have to tell the kids off myself!

balls2DWall Mon 27-Jul-15 17:48:56

perhaps ... they are all a slim family. the often remark on it ... and to others ... never thought it was something they may have overheard sad. think i will try to say that its unkind next time. i often have the kids though without sil. so not sure how to phrase it.

ProcrastinatorGeneral Mon 27-Jul-15 17:49:02

When small children ask if there's a baby in my tummy I just say "no, it's cake!" For the most part this is met with acceptance, then followed by a request for cake grin

FoodieMum3 Mon 27-Jul-15 17:51:14

My dd often asks this about overweight people too.

It was from an episode of Peppa pig that she picked it up from hmm

If your Sil is pointing out that it's rude and telling them not to say it, then I'm not sure what else there is to say or do really. It's tricky because small children will just say it as they see it.

Fuckup Mon 27-Jul-15 17:51:20

oh I see, you wondered if it had come from sil. I really wouldn't assume that. I know that kids can repeat things from their parents, but they are also influenced by many other things.

I'll never forget when my then 2 yr old said "I don't like that girls black face" at a bus stop. I could of died, and was incredibly shocked, especially since a close friend of mine is black and my dd had grown up around her. I'll never know where that outburst came from confused However, she's never repeated anything like that.

balls2DWall Mon 27-Jul-15 17:53:43

yeah i have heard it on peppa pig before aswell. and dennis the menace actually that my son watches. well at least ye have made me feel better with yer stories. the cake is a good one ... but then again dont want them to think i am strong over it iykwim. it upsets me and dont want them saying it instead of poking my belly next time and asking for cake

DelphiniumBlue Mon 27-Jul-15 17:57:25

The only possible answer is " Why are you so rude?"
Seriously, if they have been told not to say it and they still carry on, I'd be having a word with SIL. If it happens again, I wouldn't be offering to look after them, and I'd explain why.

WorraLiberty Mon 27-Jul-15 18:01:11

How often have they said this to you?

I think you need to be firm with them and say what FuckUp suggested.

Topseyt Mon 27-Jul-15 18:03:31

Tell them. Straight. Say something like "that is a very rude and hurtful thing to say, and I don't like it." Do that even if you have to do it in front of their mother, as she has completely failed to get a handle on this behaviour.

I would be horrified if any of my DDs thought it was OK to address anyone in this way. I have struggled with my weight all of my adult life, so I know just what a sensitive issue it can be.

Angria Mon 27-Jul-15 18:04:45

Kids do sometimes just say what they see, but not repeatedly. Do you think maybe your SIL makes comments about larger people (not necessarily you) infront of them?

I think you need to tell them that it is a hurtful thing to say to someone and not to ask again.

youareallbonkers Mon 27-Jul-15 18:05:34

I'll be blunt but if your weight bothers you that much lose it. Children do say untactful things

balls2DWall Mon 27-Jul-15 18:06:33

oh at least ten times. they are lovely kids but they say it while smiling ... its not a genuine question. they know its wrong and not nice. can 4 year olds goad?!

balls2DWall Mon 27-Jul-15 18:06:46

actually they are 5

ghostyslovesheep Mon 27-Jul-15 18:06:49

just tell them you are fat because you can't stop eating rude children

honestly I doubt they are hearing it from her - kids that age just start to notice things and lack the mechanism to shut up

be honest and tell them it hurts your feelings x

fakenamefornow Mon 27-Jul-15 18:07:06

My daughter ask me once if there was a baby in my tummy, followed by 'why is it so fat then?'. I'm not even overweight so I wouldn't take it too heart, they don't know they're being so rude. I would just keep doing what you're doing. Sil probably doesn't make to much of it because she fears kicking up a big fuss will embarrass you further.

As an aside my little boy once asked a stranger why he was so smelly.blush

balls2DWall Mon 27-Jul-15 18:07:47

i have youarealbonkers .... i have lost and gained lost and gained. partly cos im lazy and eat badly other half cos of depression and medication.

WorraLiberty Mon 27-Jul-15 18:08:19

Is your SIL your brother's wife or your DH's sister?

balls2DWall Mon 27-Jul-15 18:08:47

"from eating rude children" grin love it

balls2DWall Mon 27-Jul-15 18:09:07

DH's sister

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