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AIBU to finally go NC with DP's family?

(15 Posts)
crumblybiscuits Mon 27-Jul-15 12:00:37

Basically I have been with DP for two years now. I am a single parent and my DD was three months old when I met DP. His family are very conservative even though they plead that they aren't. DP has a sister and a brother and his parents. DP's brother has consistently bullied him through his childhood and teenage years and is the reason DP has no self confidence. DP's brother also has a son the same age as my DP. None of them like me. Things started off well for the first few months before they started calling me controlling and telling DP that we should split up. I have severe MH problems that get worse when out of a routine or things are sprung upon me so yes, I do like things a certain way but DP and I have discussed this many times and he is absolutely fine with it and very understanding. Their insistence on me being 'a bully' has caused numerous fall outs between me and DP as I get so upset and take it to heart as I just wanted them to like me. DP's brother called me a slut and a bad mother several times. I am neither.

DP then went away for six months for very stressful work and I had very little contact with his family. While he was away DP's brother texted him an unprovoked attack on me putting more stress on DP.

DP and I toddled along dodging verbal attacks one after another from his DP in a cycle of forgiving him and him doing it again everyone he got frustrated with life. The breaking point was a few months ago when he took to Facebook and commented on a public picture asking why my DD couldn't spend any time with her own family instead of his (I have a troubled family life) and said that it was pathetic that DP's mum had started caring for DD very occasionally. We obviously cut off contact after this.

I fell pregnant in January of this year and had a troubled pregnancy until I gave birth to our sleeping daughter in May. The feud was forgotten and even though they were no support they did not make things worse either. We had a funeral for her and went for a meal afterwards with DP's mother and sister and his mother told me off for using my fork incorrectly hours after my daughters funeral. Less than a month afterwards DP's brother was throwing rocks at DP who was holding my DD so we left, again cutting off contact.

DP and I bought our first home together after losing our daughter and we are set to exchange contracts this week. He is also planning our engagement. His family have been messaging him trying to encourage him to drop out of the sale. Obviously DP called them out on it and put them back in their place but to be honest it is the last straw for me. I have been verbally abused for two years when I have done nothing but try to make these people like me. WIBU to go no contact? Do I have ground to tell DP that he can see them whenever but I do not want to anymore?

Apologies for length and rambling!

formerbabe Mon 27-Jul-15 12:09:12

DP's brother called me a slut

This to me is enough reason to go NC. I'd refuse to spend anytime with someone who called me that and would expect my dp to do the same.

So sorry to hear about your daughterflowers

jacks11 Mon 27-Jul-15 12:14:18

YANBU- I think it would be the best thing you could do for you, your DD and your DP. These people bring no positives to your lives, only anguish and stress. They may not like you, for whatever reason, but at the very least they should be polite and civil. They can't even seem to manage that, so what is the point in continuing contact with them? Obviously, it would be up to your DP whether he wants some contact, but can't see what he gains from it.

I can't believe your DP's mother told you off for using the your fork incorrectly hours after your daughter's funeral! She sounds horrendously thoughtless at best, completely vindictive at worst. I suspect the latter is more accurate from what you have said.

If I were you, I'd cut your losses and ignore the lot of them. They are simply not worth the heartache they are causing you.

ReginaBlitz Mon 27-Jul-15 12:15:34

Fuck the lot of them off and do it now! Their behaviour is disgusting get as far away from them as possible.

Aeroflotgirl Mon 27-Jul-15 12:16:19

sadflowers for your poor dd. You do not kneed to ask, both you and your DP should go NC with the lot of them they are utterly vile and toxic. I woukd have none of them at your wedding.

MsAspreyDiamonds Mon 27-Jul-15 12:18:15

I would have called the police on my bil if he dared to throw rocks while dh was holding our dd.

Stop telling them your plans now. They don't need to know you are getting engaged or married. I'd skip the long engagement and get married at the registrars pronto.

crumblybiscuits Mon 27-Jul-15 12:19:29

jacks She is just thoughtless, she has apologised after being reprimanded for it and really makes an effort sometimes but it is definitely only because DP is edging away from his family. I have reached the end of my tether and DP is getting there but I know he will be upset when I tell him. Ive given them so many chances because I wanted to be a part of a real family but recently I realised our own little family is a real family.

formerbabe I wish I had insisted on NC from then. DP obviously finds it hard to let go and that's understandable. Thank you.

RachelRagged Mon 27-Jul-15 12:22:31

They sound f'king HORRENDOUS OP

I think I would have stabbed the fork in his DM's hand ! How insensitive of her.

YANBU . I too would go NC , after tellilng the lot of them what I thought of them. .

So sorry to hear of your loss OP flowers

crumblybiscuits Mon 27-Jul-15 12:26:34

It's just really crap as we only went for a meal for them this weekend to celebrate DP's promotion and I always think we've turned a corner and they actually like me and then I always find them slagging me off behind my back. I cry lots to DP because I just want to be liked. Also, ironically maybe, my very dysfunctional family who I try to get away from love him and have never said a bad word against him. I know you all are right but I just find it so upsetting, not sure why. DP won't go NC with his family. He just pretends they haven't said anything at all until I find out through other channels.

Dothefridgesquat Mon 27-Jul-15 12:26:59

They sound awful YADNBU, you've been through the mill flowers

RachelRagged Mon 27-Jul-15 12:33:02

Then, sorry, DP needs to open his eyes ffs

Did he say anything when his idiot brother threw rocks or just stand there ??

crumblybiscuits Mon 27-Jul-15 12:37:31

Rachel No, in his defence he responded very appropriately. We left immediately and he didn't shout but made it very clear it was unacceptable. His parents just stood there though. He has definitely given up on his brother since and only talks about reconciliation in a far away future. I have made it clear I won't ever speak to him ever again. His family are pushing for them to make up very heavily though as they think we have overreacted and since he said sorry (never did actually) we should forgive him.

RachelRagged Mon 27-Jul-15 13:08:44

Good OP . smile

Overreacted ? God. .are they The Addams Family ?

Aeroflotgirl Mon 27-Jul-15 14:32:21

You have nothing to do with the lot of them if you know what's good for you. It's its unfair and unacceptable for your dp to put up with such abuse, he needs to grow a big fat thick spine, especially if you gave kids together and they see how his family treats you, and dad stands back and allows you to be spoken to like that. Sod that for a game of soldiers, have nothing to do with them. He can see them away from the home and without you.

Fatmomma99 Mon 27-Jul-15 16:43:00

This sounds so horrendous. I'm so sorry for all you've been through. You and your DP sound like a good team though.

Yes, I would go NC too, and remember, you can't control the behaviour of other people, but you can control who you do and don't see and who you give power over your life to.

All the best to you flowers

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