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To not announce my pregnancy until after my 12 week scan?

(34 Posts)
Spicysugars Mon 27-Jul-15 10:57:30

Hello, myself and OH have decided not to tell anyone else (including parents), about this baby until after the 12 weeks scan, when we know everything is okay, fx, and we have a lovely little picture to show.

I've voiced this to my midwife since she asked today, and she believes I'm being unreasonable considering my age and the fact it wasn't planned.

I can understand this, since I'm only 17 (18 before bubba arrives), and OH is just 21, but I still believe it's reasonable to announce our news when I feel comfortable to, since 1. We're both adults who have our own place and work, and 2. Neither of us will be expecting or needing financial assistance, although a little emotional and loving support will of course be lovely (like every other new parent could do with).

Do you think I'm being unreasonable?

As I say, it would be quite different if I was financially and emotionally dependant on my family, but I'm not and I think it's okay to have a bit of privacy for now.

Thank you x

scatterthenuns Mon 27-Jul-15 10:59:19

Depends where you live I think. If you are living as an independent adult, do as you please. But if you are living with either of your families now, you need to give them as much time as possible to adjust to the changes.

scatterthenuns Mon 27-Jul-15 11:00:14

Apologies, missed the mention of your own place. Crack on then. I wouldn't announce a pregnancy until after 12 weeks either.

Rivercam Mon 27-Jul-15 11:02:10

16 years, when I was first pregnant, announcing at 12 weeks was the norm, although some people had started to announce at 8 weeks. Before 8 weeks, hardly anyone announced their pregnancy.

If you want to wait until 12 weeks, then wait. Don't feel pressurised into making decisions you don't feel happy with.

DoJo Mon 27-Jul-15 11:02:11

I haven't told my parents or in-laws about either of my pregnancies before the 12 week scan, and if there is no reason why you feel they 'deserve' to know (ie bearing responsibility for housing, clothing and feeding you and the baby) then I don't see why it should be any different for you just because of your age. Presumably you are a responsible and independent person given that you are already living by your own means, so you are free to do what you want! It's not as though there's much your parents can/will do about the news either way - what does you midwife think you will gain from telling them? Congratulations on your news, by the way!

WorraLiberty Mon 27-Jul-15 11:03:50

It's your choice.

I announced my pregnancies before the piss was dry on the stick grin

But we're all different.

MummaGiles Mon 27-Jul-15 11:04:05

Given your circumstances I think you're being reasonable to wait if you want to. It would maybe be different if you were still living at home but it sounds like you're financially independent etc and can deal with this yourselves.

Fatmomma99 Mon 27-Jul-15 11:06:49

Congrats on your news.

I think it's your baby and your choice. In my experience, my friends sussed me before I'd even taken the test (I knew there was a good chance I might be pregnant) because it was DH's and I wasn't drinking (I said I was on anti-bioltics, but they saw through it instantly).

I would also say that if the worse happens, would you want comfort from your family? Or would you want to deal with it on your own? Because that would factor into my decision making.

Hope all goes well.

cookiefiend Mon 27-Jul-15 11:07:51

If you are independent then your MW is being very rude. We waited until 12 weeks. I guess the midwife is basing her assumptions on your age. Just ignore her. Congratulations x

ollieplimsoles Mon 27-Jul-15 11:08:07

Cant see anything wrong with it really, what do you think your families reactions will be? If you think they might react a bit shocked and not happy due to your age, they might spoil your happy time with all their questions.

If you think they might need time to adjust then maybe tell them a bit early

MamaDoGood Mon 27-Jul-15 11:09:09

I was 17 when pregnant, 18 three weeks before DS1 was born and reading your OP was like stepping back in time for me.

Good luck OP, I wish you a wonderful pregnancy x

Spicysugars Mon 27-Jul-15 11:10:10

Hi all, yes we both have very stable incomes and even I myself work full time.

I understand some women announce their good news the moment a second line appears, it's just I'm a bit cautious because miscarriage percentages go down so much after the 12 week mark and aren't as likely. Again, that's just what I feel comfortable with.

My midwife thinks they should all know because she says given my age, I'm likely to need a lot of practical support. I have to disagree really, since my brother is only 18 months old and I did help raise him from birth to 4 months, due to medical reasons beyond my mother's control.

I think one of the hardest things about this pregnancy is realizing he really isn't my own, and will no longer be my priority. There is a very strong bond there, which again won't fade, but in reality I've someone who needs my all and rightly so, but his Mummy is thankfully all well again so there shouldn't be an issue there (or so I like to think lol).

Spicysugars Mon 27-Jul-15 11:11:53

Thank you thanks

It came as a surprise but a lovely one at that wink

TheRealAmyLee Mon 27-Jul-15 11:19:31


Sounds like you and your partner are independent from your parents, serious about each other and super excited about this. You have more than many of your age and a great start for a baby. There is no reason I can see to tell before you are ready.

crumblybiscuits Mon 27-Jul-15 11:20:55

I would not announce to the general public, I did with my last pregnancy and they ended up detecting an abnormality at the twelve week scan. The baby was born sleeping in May and I had someone ask me yesterday how many weeks I was as I don't have a bump. To have to explain that you aren't pregnant anymore is awful. However I would definitely tell my parents again in case we had a repeat as you do need to lean pretty heavily on them. I hope that you have a smooth and healthy pregnancy OP.

cjt110 Mon 27-Jul-15 11:24:49

Your baby, your pregnancy, your choice.

We told our parents early but no-one else.

littlejohnnydory Mon 27-Jul-15 11:29:00

It's completely up to you. Your midwife is making a lot of assumptions about your levels of independence and your relationship with your family.

Would you tell them if you had a miscarriage? If a severe abnormality was detected? If not then don't be pressured into telling them yet.

ninetynineonehundred Mon 27-Jul-15 11:30:34

Congratulations on your pregnancy op and wishing you an easy and joyous pregnancy and birth flowers

For me I would tell very close people precisely because of the miscarriage risk . If things don't go well the support can be invaluable.
It's entirely up to you and the dad though. How does he feel about telling people?

MrsPatrickDempsey Mon 27-Jul-15 11:35:18

Agree with the others that there isn't necessarily a norm and you should do what's right for you but I will put another spin on it and am sorry if it seems a little insensitive but I am being realistic. I was a later announcer with my pregnancies but unfortunately had bad news at my 12 week scan. After this found that I needed people to know about my loss - not everyone but family, a couple of friends and the two random mums that saw me sobbing the in nursery car park! I was a midwife at the hospital were I was scanned and was treated so some of my colleagues knew too. I could not have kept it secret. Just do what feels right congrats.

ExConstance Mon 27-Jul-15 11:43:14

With my second pregnancy I was 10 weeks at Christmas and announced it then. Sadly I lost the baby about 10 days later. It was really distressing having to let all the family know and it made it even worse for me when I was already grieving to have the memory of the happy announcement just a short while before. Leave it to 12 weeks, I think it is the only sensible thing to do.

AlpacaMyBags Mon 27-Jul-15 11:45:51

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Madredear Mon 27-Jul-15 11:48:44

Hello again, I'm really sorry for your losses, there's nothing worse than losing a child.

My OH is super keen on telling everyone, I have to remind him daily that I'd actually be quite peeved if he did tell anyone.

I knows he's on the verge of telling his Mother.. He's dead if he breathes a word lol wink

Sighing Mon 27-Jul-15 11:50:15

I've experienced some unwanted reactions following losses. As such any pregnancy news (currently 8 weeks, around time of all losses) will wait until 20 or so weeks and will not be some big reveal. Best wishes for your pregnancy flowers

IssyStark Mon 27-Jul-15 11:52:19

I would keep it quiet unless there were reasons a particular person had to know, for example if there is a risk at work (if you work with chemicals) or you have bad morning sickness etc.

diddl Mon 27-Jul-15 11:57:59

I say tell people when you want.

We told parents at 16wks with first.

Wanted to get past the 12wks & 16wks was the first time that we would all be together following that so waited til then to tell them all at the same time.

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