AIBU....To be really annoyed at him!!(12 Posts)
Me and Exh have been apart for 6 1/2 years...divorced for almost five.We have one DD 7yo.
We have both moved on and are both in happy relationships I'm engaged with another DD4yo to my fiance and my ex is married with a DS 2YO and another on the way....We have a fairly good relationship and are constantly in contact for DD's sake as he and his family normally stay in Africa (He and his wife are both from africa originally) and other than skype or tango he only see's DD once a year due to work or other commitments.
However he came to the UK a few weeks ago to take DD to visit family in London with his wife and son and had her for a week then brought her back to me in scotland...he stayed with a friend so he could spend a few more days with DD up here whilst his wife stayed down south with other family, What has annoyed me and sorry it took so long to get to this point...is that on his last day in Scotland whilst spending time with DD he told me that his wife would be staying in the UK until she gave birth to their second child and that because of this he would no longer be paying me maintenance for DD as he had to fund his wife to stay in the UK until she gave birth and until sge was able to move back to Africa!! she's due end of September...AIBU to expect that even though i understand he has other family commitments he should still at least be trying to provide for his first born? (which isn't a lot he only pays 60 a month)? He runs two businesses where he stays but claims that he doesn't make enough to pay for his wife and son down south and me towards the upkeep of our child. Opinions would be appreciated if i'm being unreasonable i would happily apologise and back down!!
Text he's nigerian and the companies aren't UK registered as i'm aware...we had a private agreement regarding maintenance anyway and he's has leave to remain in this country...i'm not bothered about the money tbh it's more the principle..it just feels like he has put his new family above our Daughter and for that i could swing for him.
She's also Nigerian text and also has leave to remain,like I said its not a money issue as I could care less bout tht...its purely the fact tht my daughter is being pushed to the back for his wife n the kids they have which I won't stand for...from wat he's told me the past few weeks he's not exactly enthusiastic about this new baby which makes me wonder is it her making these decisions? N is he just going along t keep her happy
If you've reasonably good relationship with him as u appear to have, then for the sake of your daughter I'm not sure I'd get overly upset about 60 quid. Esp given that his contact with your dd appears strong.
way off the point how can they maintain leave to remain if they are resident in Africa? You have to actually be resident living in UK to maintain it.
On the money side, not much you can do really. I think the good relationship out weights the small amount he pays.
Why are they staying in the UK to have their child? Don't you have to be resident for at least a year to qualify for NHS care? (In which case they must have a permanent address and you can involve CSA) Or are they going private?
I think any good relationship has been well and truly soured by his disregard of his dd in favour of his other child and wife. That's not a good father.
its purely the fact tht my daughter is being pushed to the back for his wife n the kids they have which I won't stand for...from wat he's told me the past few weeks he's not exactly enthusiastic about this new baby which makes me wonder is it her making these decisions? N is he just going along t keep her happy
OP I don't think what he's doing is right regarding stopping maintenance. I get how frustrating that is. BUT you say so matter of factly that he isn't enthusiastic about his new baby and you actually sound glad about that. Why is it ok for him not be enthusiastic about his child with his partner but it's not ok for him not to be enthusiastic about the child with you? He should be enthusiastic about them all- and why on earth is he confiding in you about that? "I'm not looking forward to having this baby with my partner"- hardly something you'd say to your ex!
I actually feel sorry for his wife and children.
it just feels like he has put his new family above our Daughter and for that i could swing for him
Hardly news to you. He sees her once a year and lives on a different continent. He's been putting everything else above his kid for a long time, this isn't much of a change.
What are you doing talking to this dick about whether he's happy about having another baby with his wife? Totally inappropriate for both of you.
it was actually a group discussion between us and a group of friends aswell as my partner that he mentioned it sorry i should have said that..it wasn't like he just came out one day and said "i'm not happy about this baby" but he has brought up that he wished things at this time were different regarding timing with the baby etc and under no circumstances am i glad about him saying this and he is aware of this. As stated before it is not about the money so csa is not an issue it is purely the principle of him somehow deciding that his wife and other children are more important than DD as that is the way it is coming across. Tbh I probably should have expected it as his unreasonable behaviour was the original reason for divorce and it has took us a long time to get to a situation where we are genuinely friendly to each other and can chat to each other and maintain a friendship for DD'S sake and i don't want this to affect it
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