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Pressure re baby at wedding

(487 Posts)
DeeDee40 Sun 26-Jul-15 16:44:07

Hello AIBU? Getting married in a matter of weeks. Decided not to invite kids due to cost,type and size of venue. Means that DHs nieces cant come too but thats choice were happy with. A friend contacted me today hinting re inviting her baby who will be seven months by then due to bfing! The message said that her family will have to keep him outside church and reception and phone her when he needs feeding and she hopes the next wedding she goes to will invite him!�� does she expect her family to bring her baby into my wedding ceremony and she can bf him? My DH not happy as he feels shes trying her luck majorly and if others can find babysitters some of whom have smaller babys then so can she. Not happy

Wolfiefan Sun 26-Jul-15 16:44:53

What do you expect her to do?

DeeDee40 Sun 26-Jul-15 16:46:16

She has been trying with a bottle so im hoping he takes to it!

amothersplaceisinthewrong Sun 26-Jul-15 16:46:41

If you have a no child rule you must apply it to all to keep it fair. Your friend will have to make arrangements or not come to the wedding.

StarlingMurmuration Sun 26-Jul-15 16:46:42

If she's breast feeding on demand, and the baby won't take a bottle, a babysitter isn't an option.

SisterMoonshine Sun 26-Jul-15 16:46:52

I guess she would be planning on discretely leaving the event to feed, rather than her family all coming in with a baby crying for a feed.

TattieHowkerz Sun 26-Jul-15 16:47:12

Your wedding, you can f course do what you want.

It is normal for breastfeeding mothers to want to be near their 7mo babies. It seems silly to exclude them. It smacks a bit of wanting some perfect party at the expense of the important people in your life being there.

Not unreasonable of her to ask, not unreasonable to say no.

DeeDee40 Sun 26-Jul-15 16:47:34

Furthermore there are parents that have had no issue with younger babies who are alternating bf and bottle and are happy to leave them with bottle for one day

Micah Sun 26-Jul-15 16:48:04

If she's breastfeeding she can't really get a baby sitter can she?

I think you're lucky she's attending at all, and she must have amazing family to help her out like that.

If it were me, it would have been me and breastfeeding baby, or id have had to decline the invite.

Spartans Sun 26-Jul-15 16:48:07

wolfie the answer would be not to come.

Op call friend and explain that their baby at the wedding will cause problems as dhs nieces aren't coming. If that means she can't come, it's shame and you understand but due to circumstances children are not invited.

Why do people do this? No children means no children. Just don't go

Sirzy Sun 26-Jul-15 16:48:26

She needs to either decide not to come or to stick with her family nearby option.

If she decides not to come then please don't make her feel bad about it.

Anon4Now2015 Sun 26-Jul-15 16:48:31

You're absolutely right. She should just employ a wet nurse for the day. And she needs to remember that you are the number one priority and if her child suffers then so be it because the most important thing is that you get exactly what you want, and her role as your friend is much more important than her role as his mother. I mean has she not realised that it's all about you? Sheesh. Some people, eh?!

GameOfGroans Sun 26-Jul-15 16:48:36

Would you rather she didn't go? I think having to pop out and feed him every now and then is a good solution. It is totally your choice not to have children at your wedding, but expect breastfeeding mums to have to make suitable arrangements!

DeeDee40 Sun 26-Jul-15 16:49:03

Thanks guys we agreed we cant let one baby in and not all so ill support her but the no child rule is none negotiable

Only1scoop Sun 26-Jul-15 16:49:28


Others will then ask why they couldn't bring their DC.

CactusAnnie Sun 26-Jul-15 16:49:28

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

exLtEveDallasNoBollocks Sun 26-Jul-15 16:49:45

Hopefully she'll decide it's too much hassle and regretfully decline your invitation. It's a shame, but these things happen when you have children. it would probably be best all round if you want your friendship to remain.

Micah Sun 26-Jul-15 16:50:46

Some babies won't take a bottle. Doesn't matter if you tell them its for an important wedding, they don't care.

If the others babies take a bottle, then that's different. If this one doesn't, you can't force him.

NoYoureGrumpy Sun 26-Jul-15 16:50:51

Do you want her to come? If you do, then you'll have to invite her baby.

If you don't want her to come, stick to your rules.

AboutTimeIChangedMyNameAgain Sun 26-Jul-15 16:52:15

Just because others found baby sitters doesn't mean she has to be happy to.

We had a child free wedding but friends bought babes in arms as we preferred our friends to be there than not come at all. And they don't cost extra at that age.

Figster Sun 26-Jul-15 16:52:57

She is pushing her luck baby is 7 months not 7 weeks she must have known this was a potential issue for a while why leave it so late to raise with you.......prob because she felt you would give in. Are you prepared for her not to attend? I had a child free wedding 1 rule for everyone which did mean we missed 1 set of old friends but that was our choice

MrsCaptainReynolds Sun 26-Jul-15 16:53:33

You sound like a lovely bride to be. Glad you've got it all in perspective.


SaucyJack Sun 26-Jul-15 16:54:09

It's one thing to ban all children from your wedding due to your own preferences. Entirely your prerogative.

But it's quite another to try and suggest that your friend is being difficult in some way because she can't/won't "just" leave a small baby with a babysitter.

I remember your thread from t'other day, and I reckon you're gonna be in for a shock when you have a baby of your own.

patienceisvirtuous Sun 26-Jul-15 16:55:22

You don't need to apply one rule for all. You can base decisions on circumstances if these people are important to you.

Trying it on confused

NerrSnerr Sun 26-Jul-15 16:56:19

If she's breastfeeding then there are 2 choices. Her family have the baby nearby and she feeds when necessary or she doesn't come. A good friend would contact the venue to see if there's somewhere she can feed.

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