Parents who complain about other parents(9 Posts)
I wondered if IABU to distance myself from these women or over-reacting/being pfb?
I am becoming friends with some women I've met through our DCs (3) - we met a couple of years ago but have started doing more together recently, both with and without the kids. Our children do the same activities and are in nursery together.
Recently, they have started complaining about how other parents in their activities let their children "run wild", ruining said activity for their children, and I can't shake the suspicion they're talking about me. To be fair, their children are the best behaved in the group, and I may be self-conscious because try as I might sometimes my DC won't listen. I've noticed that them complaining about other parents and other people's parenting is happening more and more than usual, and I am starting to feel quite self-conscious about my parenting when I'm with them.
Especially as my DC does behave worse than theirs - more likely to push boundaries, or get in a strop. Which of course leaves me wondering - are they actually better parents than me? Even though as their children don't push the same boundaries as mine do I've never seen them deal with the situations I do, so have no idea how they would act or implement their parenting. All I know are the many criticisms I've heard about other parents in our community.
I can't decide if I am over reacting or not, or being paranoid, or IABU to distance myself from them?
So when DD won't listen to you in an activity you leave her to do the thing that she's not listening about?
I think if you suspect they are talking about you and your DD and you know she is badly behaved, but you have failed to address it, your focus should be sorting that out.
I always address it, and have left early before as well as she wouldn't listen. I really don't think I am letting her run wild, but of course most parents would say that, wouldn't they?
No idea if they mean you or not, but I always bear in mind when I hear acquaintances/friends bitching about other people that if they can do it to them, they probably also bitch about you when you're not there.
If you've been dealing with it and even taken her home early then I don't think they mean you. I think they may even be trying to make you feel better, sort of saying 'sure your dd can misbehave a little, but you handle it unlike others who let their kids ruin it' but without actually saying it.
That said there is a lot to be said for gut feeling. Why not open up and ask of they mean your dd ? As you worry her behaviour isn't as good as their children's. It could kill the friendship dead is they did mean you, but then they would be passive aggressive twats anyway. But if they don't mean you, it could really help open up some deeper dialogue in the group.
Well if you are addressing it consistently and firmly they sound pretty mean then.
Is there someone in the group you trust to raise it with. You could just say you are having a tough time with DD and is there anything they think you could do differently. You might get some useful suggestions but equally you should be able to gauge if they think you are that mum, in which case you can withdraw a bit if you think it's unfair.
Why don't you just ask them? Then you'll know for sure. If they say yes then you can decide if you need to parent differently or if you are happy with the way you are doing it (that's a choice only you can make & should be yours alone).
Also if they say yes then you can decide if you still want to be friends with these people. Personally I wouldn't, as my friends would just talk to me about it & I to them. Rather than do that bitchy side talk crap.
If they say no, then ask them directly who they are talking about.
Tbh it sounds to me like the activities don't suit your child. My 3yo is rather spirited and would be awful too, not all are ready to sit and concentrate at the same time. So imo a 3yo misbehaving is hitting etc not having a short concentration span.
All kids are different. My dd was always very quiet and compliant as a little one. I think she was born like it! We spent time with lots of other children, some more lively than others. The only time I couldn't bear it was when parents didn't step in and discipline their children. It only once made me distance myself from a family which was sad.
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