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AIBU to resent being sent a wrist link by my DSis?

(54 Posts)
sconequeen Sat 25-Jul-15 23:59:37

My 4 year old DS managed to get separated from me recently at an event. We all got a fright but he did exactly what I had told him to do - went straight to an event steward (who was wearing the kind of hi-vis waistcoat I had told DS and my older DD, as soon as we arrived at the venue, to go to if they got lost) and we were re-united within a couple of minutes. I've discussed with DS and DD on various occasions since then about what happened and we've talked about how they must stay close by me at all times. He has also had "stranger danger" talks at nursery which we have then followed up by talking about at home.

My DSis, who must have heard about this incident from another family member, as I didn't tell her, has now sent me a wrist link (sort of lead thing you use to attach yourself to a young child) via Amazon - no phone call, text or email commenting/explaining why, just a package through the post to me.

I do actually already have a wrist link (never used to date as there has never been any problem before) which I was seriously considering using with DS the next time we are at an event with crowds. And if I didn't already have one but wanted one I could easily get one for myself.

AIBU to be offended by DSis sending me this? The background, by the way, is that DSis often over-rides how I am handling my DS and DD when she is with us, for example by giving them different instructions from what I have just asked them to do, or weighing n to tell them they have been naughty when I have already dealt with it the way I thought best. Am I just being over-sensitive?

Samcro Sun 26-Jul-15 00:03:41

so she sent you something handy at no cost to you
I would just say thanks

Littlefish Sun 26-Jul-15 00:03:50

I think you are over reacting. Just ignore the parcel.

cuntycowfacemonkey Sun 26-Jul-15 00:06:07

Over sensitive. Possibly annoying and a tad presumptuous of her but most likely done with best of intentions.

Prelude Sun 26-Jul-15 00:07:29

Lucky you. I got judged for having used a backpack and rein like this on an older child. Meh, he was a bolter. Lifesaver.

clearingaspaceforthecat Sun 26-Jul-15 00:08:12

I think you are being a little over sensitive. You sound quite defensive about your parenting and unreceptive to any input from your sister - is there a reason for this?

BackforGood Sun 26-Jul-15 00:13:18

Yes, YABU and over sensitive.
The correct response it "Oh thanks, that's really thoughtful. It does give you a fright when you can't see them for 90 seconds, doesn't it? Thanks again" and smile.

sconequeen Sun 26-Jul-15 00:16:44

You sound quite defensive about your parenting and unreceptive to any input from your sister - is there a reason for this?

Yes, there is, because when she is with us, she often undermines how I deal with them by telling them to do something different from what I have said, or by making more of an issue about some minor thing than I would do (ie giving DD a row for something when I have already told her off).

I know that sending the wrist link is well meant but it does make me feel that, yet again, she thinks I need to be told how to handle my own children.

mrsmalcolmreynolds Sun 26-Jul-15 00:19:20

I have to say I disagree with PP and think this was off by your DSis. If it had been sent following a discussion then fine but out of the blue is not good IMO.

LMonkey Sun 26-Jul-15 00:22:33

Yes technically you are being over-sensitive, however I would feel exactly the same.

I don't know exactly how you should deal with 'wrist link-gate' but I think with regards to her interfering as you say and "overriding" instructions you have given your children you should have words with her. That would drive me insane! Maybe just say in a firm way that you have dealt with it and there's no need for her to feel that she needs to get involved.

SorchaN Sun 26-Jul-15 00:23:51

I don't think sending the wrist link is offensive in itself, but I can understand that you'd be upset about your sister contradicting the instructions you give your kids and telling them they're naughty. Is she currently childless?

You could perhaps be generous and interpret the wrist link as a genuinely caring gesture, and then deal with her interfering as and when it crops up.

Maryz Sun 26-Jul-15 00:23:51

To be fair, if you lost him she has a point.

Not that we haven't all lost our children at some stage (I certainly have). If you know it's well meant, just accept it and laugh it off. And write your mobile number on his arm next time you go out.

Let it go, and let it go that she corrects your children/makes suggestions/does things differently. The benefits of having a sister with children who can become close cousins to your children outweighs any small irritations.

Relax - you are doing fine as a mum, don't let your insecurities ruin your relationship with her, or your children's relationship with their cousins.

sconequeen Sun 26-Jul-15 00:37:21

Yes, I know, I did lose him and I have been working on how to make sure it doesn't happen again.

I'm not insecure about how I look after my children (except when I lost one!); but I do feel very belittled about how she treats me.

No intention of making an issue of it. I just bite my tongue normally but I can't decide at the moment whether to not say anything about the wrist link arriving, or to smile politely and say thanks through gritted teeth.

Maryz Sun 26-Jul-15 00:42:14

It probably will happen again.

I don't believe people who say they have never lost their children.

Say thanks through gritted teeth, really it doesn't matter. If i was to tell you the things my sil has done over the years you would boggle, but when I see how close my children are to their cousins every swallowed insult and gritted-teeth-acceptance-of-insults has been worthwhile.

You know you are doing ok; don't let her make you feel inadequate. Take the "present" as a joke along the lines of "oh, yeah, great thanks, he's a runner" and just carry on with your life.

Don't waste headspace on her.

sconequeen Sun 26-Jul-15 00:48:24

My two do have a good relationship with their aunt (and her DH and their grown-up children). I think DSis has become more interfering since she became a teacher a few years ago.

<lights blue touch paper and retires ...! >

Maryz Sun 26-Jul-15 00:51:06

Yep, Teachers Know Best grin

Seriously, does it matter?

It's totally unimportant. She can only make you feel shit if you let her.

Anon4Now2015 Sun 26-Jul-15 00:57:49

I can see that she probably means well - but then so does every person who interferes with someone else's parenting decisions. And, given the context of her undermining you, I would also resent it.

I'd simply hand it back to her next time you see her and say "Thanks very much for the kind thought but I don't need it. The way I have taught the DC to deal with getting lost worked very well"

caroldecker Sun 26-Jul-15 01:03:25

these wristband which you can write your telephone number on are good.

vaticancameos Sun 26-Jul-15 01:14:04

OP, my sister is really similar. While I'm sure she is well meaning she does tend to undermine me in exactly the same way you describe. It's incredibly frustrating, and I do take it personally. Especially as it feels like a direct attack on my parenting when clearly doing it her way will knock the Asperger's out of him.

sconequeen Sun 26-Jul-15 01:20:37

She can only make you feel shit if you let her.

Wise words.

I am putting the wrist link thing behind me as I type.

But while I have your attention, wise ones, what should I do, if anything, about the fact that when we are all out together, she seems to like to make passers-by think that she is their mother by taking over from me? For example, if we are out for a walk, she will take their hands and walk off with them, she will jump in and tell them what to do in any given situation before I get a chance, etc. It happened again the other week - she walked off with them as usual, leaving me to keep our elderly and slower-walking DM company. Later, people actually complemented her on what lovely children she had, and she said nothing to put them right on whose children they actually were, even though I was standing close by.

Maryz Sun 26-Jul-15 01:23:53

Let her.

She's not their mum. They know that, you know that, who cares what passers-by think?

Your children will be more affected by you feeling inadequate than by anything your sister or anyone else can do. So just sit back, feel proud of yourself and your children and let it all go.

sconequeen Sun 26-Jul-15 01:54:46

I know, I know, Maryz. But part of me would just would like to know why she acts the way she does!

SilverBirchWithout Sun 26-Jul-15 01:58:50

I would post it onto her with no explanation. Seems fitting.

No you are not being over sensitive, you did not even discuss the incident with her. She sounds a bit controlling and smug.

Sighing Sun 26-Jul-15 06:32:31

If you have one then simply send it to her. She could return it.

OneHandFlapping Sun 26-Jul-15 06:41:22

I can't see anything wrong with that. Maybe you had to be there, but from your description she just sounds like she's being a nice Aunty.

Do you think your feelings are a hangover from some childhood sibling rivalry? If so, it's probably time to make your peace. Sisters are precious and it would be shame to fall out for ever.

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