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To ask what constitutes a big spend that needs you to discuss with your other half in your house?

(107 Posts)
DoeEyedNear Fri 24-Jul-15 21:50:23

Do you have a monetary limit or specific items that you feel must be discussed with your partner before purchasing?

Aibu to think spending £1000 without discussing it with your partner isn't on?

AuntyMag10 Fri 24-Jul-15 21:51:45

Yes we usually discuss almost everything and that amount would definitely be agreed upon, unless it's a surprise.

BestZebbie Fri 24-Jul-15 21:55:23

About £100 or something for true shared use (like a new front door)?
But in a situation where you have shared money and personal 'spends' and it came out of spends, I'd say no limit/discussion actually required unless it was something that was going to impact badly on others (gambling is the obvious, but also stuff like getting a motorbike if the partner would be really distressed by the percieved danger etc).

£1000 I'd usually expect to be discussed knowing nothing more about the setup than in your OP.

Toughasoldboots Fri 24-Jul-15 21:55:29

It depends on how much money is around though, it's a lot to some people, not for others. It's what works for the couple, what they have previously agreed.

SummerSazz Fri 24-Jul-15 21:57:25

We both work and have own money so 1k without discussion would be fine. When we were on a tight budget then not so much so

DoeEyedNear Fri 24-Jul-15 21:58:47

Sorry to drip feed

In our situation one person earning, the other person spent the money on something solely for them and can't understand why the party who works is pissed off

guineapig1 Fri 24-Jul-15 22:03:19

Entirely depends on context and budget in which spend takes place. Where budget is very tight, one might discuss anything more than £50. If money is not so much if an issue then could easily be 1/2/5k or more (my friend regularly I changes the car without discussion with her DH - he is simply not interested and happy to drive anything she picks).

The bit about who earns what is a red herring provided you adopt a team approach to finances.

WhirlpoolGalaxyM51 Fri 24-Jul-15 22:03:33

In our relationship and with our financial set up anything more than about £100 would get mentioned. Not necessarily for "permission" as such but just because that's where we draw the line of "quite an expensive thing".

Definitely no one would be spending a grand without talking to the other, and if they did there would be a certain amount of discombobulation.

amothersplaceisinthewrong Fri 24-Jul-15 22:04:47

Anything for the house would be discussed
Otherwise anything over £100 probably. Certainly something costing £1k would be discussed.

But you refer to one person earning, one person not as if the person not earning has no rights to any money .... I wouldn't be pissed off because I was the working person, I would be pissed off because what I perceive to be joint money had been spent without discussion!

Mistigri Fri 24-Jul-15 22:05:38

I think it depends on how much money is "a lot" to you.

We have shared finances, but I have always been the principal income earner. I have to say that I wouldn't think twice about buying something like an iPad for myself without telling DH first, but I did consult him before spending £1000 on an instrument for musician daughter ("consult" might be a bit strong actually - but I did warn him). I'm not quite sure where the "tell/consult first" line is actually! It might also depend on whether it was a functional purchase or a luxury.

bittapitta Fri 24-Jul-15 22:05:40

Probably £50-£100, depending on whether it was something we'd discussed in passing before (eg "remember I said we should buy xx I bought one today for £60). £100+ would definitely be discussed and agreed first. But then we aren't loaded.

WhirlpoolGalaxyM51 Fri 24-Jul-15 22:06:14

Agree that the working / not working thing is irrelevant.

AboutTimeIChangedMyNameAgain Fri 24-Jul-15 22:08:32

Probably over £100? We have joint and own money.

SaucyJack Fri 24-Jul-15 22:10:20

DP is the sort who won't buy a DVD from Tesco without talking at to me at great length about it first. I'm quite possibly much the same back. We lead boring lives and have little else to talk about.......

I cannot imagine him spending 1k without telling me about it, but I would say it was most definitely something that would be a problem.

FenellaFellorick Fri 24-Jul-15 22:10:32

Anything over about £50, but we aren't wealthy. I suppose the more you have the higher it might be.
We don't do the my money your money thing, so who brings it into the household is irrelevent, it's purely a question of how much can be taken out of the pot without it affecting anything.

A thousand is a fair whack for someone to spend without discussing it. Whether they earned it or not.

DoeEyedNear Fri 24-Jul-15 22:10:40

Our finances are separate at the non working parties insistence. Our income is low, very low, we have major expenditure that the money should have been used towards coming up and the only person who can use the item purchased is this one person. £1000 is one months salary.

ouryve Fri 24-Jul-15 22:11:41

£1000 wouldn't necessarily be a discussion, but would definitely be a pre-warning (giving the opportunity to express a wtf, if needed), unless it's something/somewhere that one of us already has an account for, so the one with the account will do the buying, which of course means that a bit of discussion/collaboration is needed.

lemoncurd20 Fri 24-Jul-15 22:13:09

I must be weird because we discuss most things.

WhirlpoolGalaxyM51 Fri 24-Jul-15 22:13:36

If finances are separate and one person is not working how did they get hold of a grand? Is it on credit? What is it they bought?

DoeEyedNear Fri 24-Jul-15 22:14:53

They borrowed the money.

In case the tone in my post isn't clear I'm the working partner and I'm extremely pissed off right now.

ILoveOnionRings Fri 24-Jul-15 22:15:08

Can they return the item?

LemonPied Fri 24-Jul-15 22:15:49

Anything over £50, or that collectively would add up to £50 or more. And that is spent from joint family funds.
So when DP wanted a new car stereo and it was £65, it was discussed. As we both pay for the car.
When I wanted new clothes totalling £47 and I was spending my own money it wasn't discussed.
But that's because we have had and will have very frank discussions about money. Also if it can be saved we save it. We both recently decided to stop drinking alcohol at home and have added £40 to monthly savings.
We both save, we both contribute and we both spend on ourselves, that's because we both decent earners, but we both know that our household income is down to two people, so those two people should talk about it.

ouryve Fri 24-Jul-15 22:15:56

And adding to you drip feed, depends on how many things the person earning buys for themselves, solely, without explanation, how much opportunity the person not earning gets to buy for just themselves, what that something is and why they're not earning.

DoeEyedNear Fri 24-Jul-15 22:16:19

No. Well they can, but won't be entitled to a full refund as it's a bespoke item.

DoeEyedNear Fri 24-Jul-15 22:18:12

They're not earning because they were made redundant and not been able to (or I suspect cba to find) another job.

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