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For my sister to ask my parents for her wedding money

(101 Posts)
Allisgood1 Fri 24-Jul-15 21:31:23

Back story: my sister got secretly married (as in didn't tell any one in my family) when she was 18. My parents found out when she was 19 and they saw her wedding ring. She still never told them (she's still married and 30). A few years ago she was discussing being married with my. Mom and just said "didn't you know?" When mom said "you're married?!". Anyway, the reasons for this is that's parents don't like her dh because a he's a controlling bastard

Anyway, the other day my youngest sister (27) asked my parents for money to start a business. My mom told my sister that she can borrows the amount she asked for (£25k) but it would come out of her wedding fund (£40k and she's single). My middle sister has now emailed my mom asking where her wedding fund is. Mom is annoyed, says by she gave her money last year for a new washer and dryer (several thousand) and she kinda blew it by getting secretly married so my parents spent the money on a new kitchen.

I'm staying out of it, but wonder, was my sister being unreasonable?

lollilou Fri 24-Jul-15 21:36:21

More info needed I think. I would say though wedding fund for one sister, wedding fund for all sisters. Did you get your wedding paid for op?

Allisgood1 Fri 24-Jul-15 21:37:02

My wedding was paid for in full by my parents.

What other info is needed?

Birdsgottafly Fri 24-Jul-15 21:37:46

I think it's strange to be able to save up those amounts for your DDs, for a Wedding, but questions the use of the money to start a business, or set up a home.

Have your Parents helped with house deposits, education fees etc.

I just couldn't imagine prioritising a Wedding, over a more practical/empowering use.

I have three adult DDs.

DonkeyOaty Fri 24-Jul-15 21:38:28

I dunno where to start tbh.

I think I will just say fer chrissakes people can ye not have some self respect and stand on yer own two feet eh, not go running to Mama with hat held out.

Bloody hell.

Birdsgottafly Fri 24-Jul-15 21:40:23

Just to add, all three of you should be given the money saved, unless drug/partner issues.

Are you particularly religious, that marriage was a done deal (and none of you were allowed to be gay).

Cynara Fri 24-Jul-15 21:40:38

I think she was a bit unreasonable to ask for the money, that's quite rude, especially by email. On the other hand, I know my parents wouldn't give money to one child but not another. Choosing not to marry is a perfectly valid option, and it would seem very unfair that a child who got married was given a huge sum of money if another who didn't got nothing. I think the fact that your sister got married secretly is neither here nor there in that context. That was her choice.

So, I think she WBU to ask, but your parents W even more U to favour one child above another financially. There's nothing more likely to cause tension in the family.

WorraLiberty Fri 24-Jul-15 21:41:02

If she got married in secret and they only found out a year later when they spotted her ring, I think she's got a cheek to expect money from a wedding fund.

Does she also expect anyone who might have been invited, to provide her with a wedding present?

ilovesooty Fri 24-Jul-15 21:42:05

I can't imagine why they are even telling you about this when it doesn't involve you.

ilovesooty Fri 24-Jul-15 21:43:34

Birds - gay marriage?

CrystalCove Fri 24-Jul-15 21:44:25

Obviously your parents are immensely rich to have that sort of money but that's probably just my jealousy speaking!

Rosieliveson Fri 24-Jul-15 21:44:31

I'd say having saved for your child's wedding is a lovely gesture but it should be like one of those competitions where you win a car. No cash alternative offered.

Iflyaway Fri 24-Jul-15 21:45:02

You're obsessed by money, and so are your parents and sisters.

HTH.

CassieBearRawr Fri 24-Jul-15 21:45:03

This thread is going to be amazing.

Obvs. she's being a cheeky mare, if I were your parents I'd tell her to swivel.

museumum Fri 24-Jul-15 21:45:48

It's your parents money. If they were earmarking some pots of their money for their daughters' weddings then that's their choice, the money is a gift as and when the imagined situation arises and if any of the daughters don't marry or elope then they've no claim on any of the money.

Dh and I have money set aside for ds to go to uni. If he doesn't need it for that then we might give him some for another reason, or we might not, it's not ds's money, it's ours (and totally separate from money that is ds's from other sources).

featherandblack Fri 24-Jul-15 21:46:11

Oh my word, your sister is being more unreasonable than anyone I've ever heard of!

If you get married when you're 19 and choose not to tell your parents, why would you also expect them to be saving up for a wedding?! And how cruel to set them up for disappoint, watching them put aside such a mammoth amount of money for a huge celebration, knowing it will never happen? And then she thinks they owe her the money for something else??!

Hassled Fri 24-Jul-15 21:47:07

At this stage it's less of a Wedding Fund and more of just a Fund. In which case there should be equal fairness to each of the sisters, regardless of whether they married a bastard at 18.

corgiology Fri 24-Jul-15 21:47:18

40k wedding fund?

Wow!

PoppyBlossom Fri 24-Jul-15 21:48:20

She's clearly the black sheep of the family by what you've described.

Lottiedoubtie Fri 24-Jul-15 21:48:27

It isn't 'her wedding money' it's your parents savings and up to them what they spend it on.

My parents paid for my wedding, and would pay for my unmarried sister's wedding if she got engaged/asked them too.. But they wouldn't just cough up cash.

They have chosen not to give us money for houses/living expenses etc... etc... (fair enough really, they helped us both through uni and helped instil a work ethic/the value of education so we could support ourselves).

Noodledoodledoo Fri 24-Jul-15 21:48:56

£40K for a wedding fund!! And I am a wedding fan!

Deposit for a house would be far more use in my mind.

CatMilkMan Fri 24-Jul-15 21:50:02

Tough shit for your sister that got married at 19 and didn't tell anyone.

theblairbitchproject Fri 24-Jul-15 21:52:26

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

MrsDeVere Fri 24-Jul-15 21:53:36

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CaspoFungin Fri 24-Jul-15 21:55:24

I'm a bit confused, doesn't the OP say they found out when she was 19 but that they also found out when she was 30?

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