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My Nan shouting at DD, age 3.

(41 Posts)
Penguin29 Thu 23-Jul-15 21:05:13

My nan is over to visit, we had arranged to pick her up at lunch time to go for lunch in town.

However there was no way with habing an extra seat in the car that I would get my pram in too. So I walked on down whilst my husband picked up my nan.

When she arrived to meet me, first time she's seen DD in 18 months she said Hello but when my nan went to touch her she shouted no no no, out of no where my nan shouted will you shut up silly child so this made me DD scream then she shouted in her face shut up now!!

I said she's only shy, don't talk to my DD like that.

During the meal that my mum and sister attended my nan didn't speak to me once to even speak let alone home arrangements.

So I left when my sister had to go back to work to grab some breast pads from boots and to come back, just gave an excuse to let nervous DD have 5 mins away from the stern looks she was getting from my nan.

Anyhow the hole in the wall ate my card, on payday grrr, so I called DH to come and get me immediately, at this point I didn't consider my nan and just wanted to get home as DS was nearly due a feed.

When I got in the car I text all of them explaining the card and that I was going home, anyway.... This is the string of texts that follow.

Nan: When you offered to pick me up, I thought you'd be dropping me back to your mum's!
Fortunately Sarah was there and gave me lift!

Me- You were hinting that you had to wait in town for 3 hours, I came to the conclusion that this was because you didn't want to spend another car journey with 'my screaming child' as you so kindly put it to Mum and S whilst I took A to the loo.

Also I didn't want to put either of my toddlers in the situation of possibly of you shouting 'shut up' in their faces ever again! I don't want to fall out with you but the way you spoke to A was unnecessary, rude and I am annoyed that you felt you had the right to speak to any of my children in that way. Also I know Tom would have not taken it lightly, so I thought it was best that you didn't have to suffer another journey with T incase you spoke to him the same way you spoke to A

Truth is - my toddlers scream, and cry sometimes too! They get messy and they have the ability to drive you crazy sometimes.

I'm also late, and not perfectly organised with getting everyone out the house at a set time yet, infact I changed A dress twice before we set off to meet you and re sprayed her hair every time she dared to touch it.

My mum and dad aren't the most organised people either, their house gets messy like everyone's does, they don't iron everything and even I have a basket of ironing to do, they don't put things away immediately either - but this is life.

What I'm trying to say is no one is perfect, not my mum and dad which you kindly said to Tom about you don't know how they live that way, not me, not my children and not you either.

Nan: OK

Me: And don't get me wrong, I'm not being nasty - at all.

But I won't let you talk about my behind my back and about my children to mum and S and then try and turn it on me because you didn't get a lift.

Don't try and make a problem out of something so small please x

Nan: ok !!!!!!!!

Me: Ok. I see I've upset you by standing by my child today. Enjoy your time, I haven't been horrible to you. I'll stay away from mums until you have gone to stay with S to avoid any upset. Have a nice time, I'm not getting wrapped into an argument because you shouted at A - it's ridiculous x

AIBU????

Passmethecrisps Thu 23-Jul-15 21:09:47

Screaming in the face of a child in unkind and certainly unnecessary. If she can't see why that has upset you then you can set clear boundaries to stay away from her.

On another note - did you mean to leave actual names in your post? If not you can ask mnhq to change them.

Penguin29 Thu 23-Jul-15 21:10:26

They arent the real names x

strictlyastrictlyfan Thu 23-Jul-15 21:13:10

You need to step away from MN, Facebook, the internet in general and your phone. And your Take A Break magazines. Nothing you've posted is remotely reasonable. Hun.

Redspottygranola Thu 23-Jul-15 21:13:15

Did you really put hairspray on your 3yr old??

Penguin29 Thu 23-Jul-15 21:14:28

No it's tangle tamer but I don't think my nan would have understood that hence used the next word I could think of.

ShipShapeAhoy Thu 23-Jul-15 21:18:50

Your nan screaming in your child's face is not on. I'm a bit confused about why you brought up all that stuff about not being organised in the texts through, it doesn't seem relevant, unless I missed something.

whereismagic Thu 23-Jul-15 21:18:57

How old are all of you? And why would you spray your child's hair to keep it perfect (?)? Mind you, if we all retold stuff over which we fell out with people it would probably sound just as silly.

Redspottygranola Thu 23-Jul-15 21:19:21

Well obviously she shouldn't have shouted but of course she would be expecting a lift home if you have her a lift there so YWBU to leave her there. And your texts are nutty tbh. So I'd say your unreasonableness outweighs hers.

Penguin29 Thu 23-Jul-15 21:20:01

I'm 28 mum 48 nan 68.

Purplepoodle Thu 23-Jul-15 21:21:07

Why on earth didn't u act like an adult. Walk back to your family members, explain that your dh was picking you up as machine had ate your card. Instead u sent a ridiculously long rant by text. There's wasn't an argument but u created one. All your nan said wasn't she thought u were giving her a lift back and u then wrote an essay - complete over action hence why your nan just replied ok as shendidnt want to argue

Penguin29 Thu 23-Jul-15 21:21:09

Yes, but she knew I was getting the bus home as I don't drive.

Lucked Thu 23-Jul-15 21:22:12

I think you should have limited your answer to saying you were upset at the way she had spoken to your child and then stopped after the first ok. It is a bit ranty but your nan shouldn't have behaved as she did.

Penguin29 Thu 23-Jul-15 21:22:16

So what do you suggest I do to resolve the situation.

Purplepoodle Thu 23-Jul-15 21:25:45

Apologise to your nan for your completely ott texts

usualsuspect333 Thu 23-Jul-15 21:25:53

Is that you Sharon?

GrumpyOldBiddy2 Thu 23-Jul-15 21:26:10

Yes, YABU - your responses and your texts are bizarre and relentless, she said 'OK', twice and you kept on at her.

You obviously realise that you were coming across at nasty or you wouldn't have mentioned it after she said OK the first time.

Ruledbycatsandkids6 Thu 23-Jul-15 21:26:58

Call Jeremy? grin

Only joking op. Just stop texting her now and all cool down. It's a storm in a teacup.

chairmeoh Thu 23-Jul-15 21:27:11

I take it there's a back story here. It sounds like a difficult family dynamic.

Your Nan was out of order to shout at your DD like that, and to be honest I'd have left at thst point.
But your behaviour and words since then seem disproportionate.

Penguin29 Thu 23-Jul-15 21:27:28

It's just she does this thing, she only made up with my sister yesterday after 6 months no contact over a petty argument. She gave my sister 500 said it was a gift then saw my sister going away and demanded it back.

AllThatGlistens Thu 23-Jul-15 21:28:40

Where's the T Rex? wink

Seriously, your Nan definitely shouldn't have yelled like that but your replies are completely OTT.

PiperChapstick Thu 23-Jul-15 21:31:36

Like other posters say your nan was out of order but you have totally over reacted and have clearly unleashed a whole load of issues that you haven't approached your nan about before now. I think you should objectively look at your messages and realise how unreasonable they sound.

Thing about MN is we only see a snapshot of your life we don't know your history with your Nan so what may seem reasonable to you in an emotional moment, to the rest of us, sounds crazy.

Don't avoid your nan, that's childish. Go round while she's still there, take your DD and encourage them to bond whilst reminding your nan how hard life with toddlers is. Say you were emotional from your DD being shouted at. Life's too short to hold grudges with your nan over something very little!

cookielove Thu 23-Jul-15 21:32:00

Omg those texts are ridiculous!! I got bored reading them!

Agree Nan shouldn't have shouted but you need to get down off your high horse!

Penguin29 Thu 23-Jul-15 21:32:58

Guess I'm slightly hormonal still, baby is a newborn so maybe clouded my thoughts when I wrote what I did.

Floggingmolly Thu 23-Jul-15 21:33:28

Why did your dd shout "no, no, no" when your nan attempted to touch her (I presume you mean give her a hug?). And why did you insist it was because she's "shy"?

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