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To be upset about my infertility?

(15 Posts)
Mummydearest90 Thu 23-Jul-15 12:58:25

So a bit of background info: I've been struggling with various symptoms such as vomiting fresh blood and severe fatigue and excruciating joint pains since I was 15. I haven't had a period for a year, and for months tried to seek help but my GP just kept putting it down to a hormonal imbalance or stress. Now, at 17, I've been diagnosed as infertile.
As of yet, still no fuucking diagnosis for whatever the bloody hell is going on with my body.

I was, after much of a fight, granted a scan. Without going into too much detail, my reproductive system has completely deteriorated and my hormonal levels are astonishing. I've been told there is no treatment and they're currently testing for Premature menapause because of my FSH level.
I was told by my doctor that not only do I not have the hormones to carry a child, I cannot possibly carry one physically too due to my womb and cervix.

I've been in an absolute state and saw a therapist today, of whom was very much concentrating on 'what else there is in life and how 'young' I am that why should I be giving a second thought'. NOBODY I've spoken to is sympathetic or bothers to reason with me, and I've just had enough.

I live with my OH and have yet to tell him. I'm 17 and he's 20, however, we weren't planning on children for a while yet but they were most certainly a big thing and on the horizon. I know in my heart it's something I've always wanted more than him, but none the less, it was what we wanted.

I'm not looking for sympathy votes and I don't expect them 😢 it's just am I really being THAT unreasonable to have a bit of compassion from some?

Quite frankly, this whole situation is a pile of pants and after a very difficult day, in going to have to break this news to OH. Luckily this is my day off so I'm less stressed. Working 9-6 in an office hit me like a ton of bricks in January lol.

gabsdot45 Thu 23-Jul-15 13:08:09

I discovered I would never have a child when I was 29. It was by far the worst thing that has ever happened to me, nothing else has come close to the devastation I felt. This news is a huge deal in your life. You need to get a second opinion first of all and then see what your options are.
Talking to someone might help, counseling helped me enormously.
I am always so sad when I hear news like this. Living with infertility really is hell.b

LaurieFairyCake Thu 23-Jul-15 13:10:54


It's ageism and really common. Really sorry about your counsellor. She really should have been trying to empathise with your perspective.

There is no point in anyone telling you that there is life instead of having children - you need time to come to terms with probably not being able to have biological children you carry yourself.

So I'm just going to send you sympathy, I'm so sorry this has happened to you.

tobysmum77 Thu 23-Jul-15 13:11:14

of course yanbu and people are being incredibly insensitive and dismissing your feelings because of your age. When in fact your age is completely irrelevant whether 14 or 40, if the individual wants children at sometime in the future it's a devastating diagnosis.

Welshmaenad Thu 23-Jul-15 13:13:57

I'm sorry your health care providers have not been more sympathetic. This is huge and devastating ad of course YANBU to feel that way.

I'm so sorry for your diagnosis and hope you can find the right help to assist you in coming to terms with it. In time there are other options you can explore - not being able to physically carry a child doesn't mean you cannot one day be s parent - but right now take time to grieve for what you have lost.

Sillyshell Thu 23-Jul-15 13:15:33

You will find that people don't know what to say to you so try and brush it under the carpet.

It is an awful, crap thing to go through regardless of your age and have all of my sympathy. You have every right to be sad, upset, angry, confused and all sorts of other emotions and you allowed to grieve which people don't seem to understand.

Big hugs. xx

Mummydearest90 Thu 23-Jul-15 13:38:45

Thank you girls, your words really helped thanks

I know there are other options and I can of course still become a parent, but that biological maternal side will never be there and I have every right to grieve for it.

Once again, thank you thanks

WaggleBee Thu 23-Jul-15 13:41:42

Yanbu. They were incredibly ignorant to say that. I'm very sorry for what you're going through.
It is devastating. flowers

knittingirl Thu 23-Jul-15 14:54:58

That's really crappy news to get at any point in your life, I'm so sorry flowers

Can you look for a different therapist?

FlowerBomber Thu 23-Jul-15 15:04:19

Infertility is devastating and a tragedy for the individuals concerned.

It seems to me that people who have no fertility problems struggle to grasp the enormous pain that infertility causes.

Familiar comments include, "just relax, you're trying too hard." And "why don't you adopt?". Or even "you're better off without them. Children are a nightmare!". People who say such things clearly haven't even tried to understand what it means to be suffering fertility issues.

You wouldn't say the last two to someone who's child has died but it seems to be okay to say to people who feel bereaved about the children they will never have.

BathtimeFunkster Thu 23-Jul-15 15:07:30

I have every right to grieve for it.

Of course you do flowers

MakeItACider Thu 23-Jul-15 15:11:19

You have every right to grieve, because it is a devastating thing to be told. You have every right to linger on any of the grieving steps, even if it is anger.

Have they discussed ANY options with you? Do you have the option of freezing eggs in case surrogacy might be an option for the future?

Kayden Thu 23-Jul-15 15:41:19

I'm so sorry to hear you've had no support from the so-called caring profession. The grief you are experiencing is real and valid, your age is not relevant. The emotions are the same.

I know you're not looking for sympathy but I am sending it because you deserve it. flowers You will find support here and on other forums specific to your infertility needs if that is something you are looking for.

I'm glad you posted and shared your story. Maybe someone else will read it and know they are not alone and that their feeling are valid too.

Be kind to yourself.

Lurkedforever1 Thu 23-Jul-15 16:05:36

Yanbu. You have every right to grieve. Fwiw I don't either want or plan to have more, but I'd still hate to be told I physically can't, so it's beyond me why anyone would think your age should prevent it bothering you. In terms of other people the hcp should know better, but many people might just not know what to say or if they're only your age but currently certain they'll conceive might just be too immature to realise how upsetting it is. I'm not saying either makes it excusable, just that they probably aren't deliberately disregarding your feelings.

SageYourResoluteOracle Thu 23-Jul-15 16:23:25

Oh sweetheart, you have every right to be grieving and no-one can tell you otherwise. I really feel for you. I was diagnosed as having gone through premature menopause at 31 and I will never completely get over it. As someone said up thread, it remains the most devastating thing that's happened to me and has had far-reaching repercussions. It's not really the point that you weren't planning on starting a family right now: you've had a dream taken away from you and now have to adapt to something other than what you thought your life would be. I would've been just as devastated had I been diagnosed at 17 than at 31, perhaps more so.

You will learn to adjust to a 'new' normal and you will feel better over the coming weeks and months, I promise you. But allow yourself to feel how you feel right now.

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