To think Dds friends age 9 are a dead loss?

[Orangeanddemons]

It's always the same every holiday. Dd wants her friends to play. They are never available or initiate contact. So dd hardly ever sees them. She has one friend who has been to our house a fair amount. But it's never ever reciprocated.

I now feel embarrassed contacting the parents as the dc are never around or available

[outtolunchagain]

Do the parents work , sometimes at that age I would have pretty complex arrangements for childcare on the holidays which did make short notice things difficult . Also my children enjoy seeing friends in holidays but they also need a break too and time to see family and be quiet at home so we don't frantically socialise .

[Orangeanddemons]

No, the parents don't work, or at least are around in the holidays.

[LIZS]

Is your dd an only and they have siblings?

[Orangeanddemons]

Yes, she is an only. Well, she has much older siblings. But some of them are onlies too, or have big age gaps.

[Yarp]

Sometimes children think they want to see each other in the holidays but actually what they want is to stay in, flop out, and not see anyone for a bit. Certainly if they see them every day at school.

Yes, not ideal to renege on arrangements, but children do make arrangements in haste and change their minds

[manicinsomniac]

a dead loss - ouch!

My children rarely see their school friends in the holidays. They'll go to pre arranged parties etc if they can but once school is out we're pretty much out of that world for the whole time.

I never realised that was bad.

[Yarp]

I think that's why it's called a holiday!

[Orangeanddemons]

I must have an unusually sociable dd then

[Yarp]

... Actually, I'm not clear whether anyone is reneging on arrangements, or is just not available.

Also maybe their parents wasn't a rest from playdates, want time alone with the DCs, or have day trips lined up.

[AnyoneForTennis]

Me either manic

A dead loss? 9 year olds?

[SurlyCue]

Are there no friends were you live she could call on?

My two DC are chalk and cheese. One wants to be out playing with friends all the time and one would happily get the playstation surgically attached to him.

[TheMoa]

My children would only see others from school if I were friends with their parents and meeting up anyway.

During the holidays, my lot want to see cousins/family, go on trips, go to summer camps, slob around the house and things.

They do not want to see children from school. One even cried off a summer activity because 4 others from school were going.

I think they just need a break.

[Orangeanddemons]

No, no friends on our street.

[Nevergoingtolearn]

My dc's don't really see their friends in the holidays, I often say to other parents that we will sort something out but I can't really be bothered.

If you want your dd to socialise then look at activities that are happening locally, we have things like dance work shops and art workshops that kids can sign up to in the holidays, means they can socialise without much effort from parents.

[AmazonsForEver]

Maybe they're busy? You said they're not around then said they're around. I'm confused!
By the end of term my children need downtime not playmates. They're exhausted!

[AnyoneForTennis]

My kids are happier with a break from friendships too

Op.... Is it your DD wanting to meet her friends or You?

[Orangeanddemons]

I meant the parents are around. This has been a real eye opener tbh. I thought all dc had friends round in the holidays the ds's did.

[Orangeanddemons]

It's dd who wants her friends. She's always pestering for someone round

[museumum]

I never saw school friends as a child, but I had street friends. Maybe see if it's not too late to get her into a playscheme or activity thing locally? What about out of school friends? brownies or whatever?

[fabuLou]

Dead loss ... Harsh wording.

But, I get you op, my 10 year old has tried to make so many arrangements and friends hardly ever free. I think the problem is she joined this school in the last term of year four, so parents children have made strong friendships already. Plus lots of children seem to go to each others house the same day every week. Could this be the problem op? I find it heartbreaking at times. My older dd is at high school, so much better!

[SaucyJack]

We might see very good friends once or twice in the holidays, but it's not a regular thing. We spend most of our time doing stuff as a family, or seeing their dad/other family/distant friends that we don't normally have time for due to the school slog.

I think they probably just have a different approach to the holidays to you. No need to call names.

[littleducks]

I have a dd aged 9. She sees lots of friend in the holidays but not school friends. Family friends, friends from brownies and other activities as well as going to playschemes with new and only ever seen in the holidays friends. All the people she hardly sees in term time.

[SurlyCue]

I think you need to be pro active and plan things to do with her. She's probably pestering because she is bored. If you had her out of the house a couple of time a weeks she wouldnt be so fed up when she is at home. Mine are in summer schemes until second week in august. Have a look round your area and see whats on. There'll be loads of "new" friends to be made.

[fabuLou]

Meant to add, dd1 is on 2nd of school holidays and had friend to sleep, last night and tonight is at friends and going to theme park. Poor dd2 at least plays out if she rope someone into playing. She has het first partyy invite since being at tjis school tomorrow.

[Theycallmemellowjello]

If she is getting something out of the friendships when she sees the freinds, then of course they're not a 'dead loss'. If the kids generally don't value her or are mean to her you'd be reasonable to encourage her into finding new friends. But fgs don't give her the idea that she should ditch her mates because they're not allowed to come over in the school hols!