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To think listing best friends in the yearbook is cruel and unnecessary?

(110 Posts)
LadyFuckrington Thu 23-Jul-15 08:51:51

Dd is eleven and has always struggled socially but in this last term she has blossomed and made lots of good friends among her year group.

However, we received the yearbook yesterday which comprised a page by each child all done to the same template. One of the boxes was a short list of 'my best friends'. Only one of the girls had listed DD.

She was distraught yesterday and cried for an hour. We've smoothed it over and told her that she's so special to everybody that they didn't need to list her. But really, this is bound to happen with lists like this, isn't it?

Aibu to be really fucked off with the school? I'm glad to see the back of it tbh, onwards and upwards to secondary.

Oh no, so sorry for your poor DD. In ours each child wrote a paragraph free-form, although I guess there had been suggestions of hobbies, pets, best friends, career aspirations. Some listed friends, some didn't. DS also struggles socially (has AS), I suspect the sane would have happened if your format was followed.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen Thu 23-Jul-15 08:56:43

I agree but at least she was listed, there will be children who won't have been at all.

Seriouslyffs Thu 23-Jul-15 08:57:33

shock and flowers for you dd.
Onwards and upwards indeed.

Yepcomfortable Thu 23-Jul-15 08:58:07

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Our school (UK) has been doing them for yr 6 for several years. They are lovely, got little staff biographies,photos from early years plus this years residential and Christmas production as well as child biographies.

maggieryan Thu 23-Jul-15 09:01:02

Your poor daughter. Hopefully she'll forget about it soon. Stupid bloody idea.

We had something like this recently though not as bad because not something meant to be treasured...

But DS1's class had to write letters to each other (to practice writing letters...) and had free choice of who to write to, with the instruction being to write to a friend in the class... obviously ill thought out!

Luckily DS1 did get 2 letters, but several people got none and were upset, of course.

Then the kids had to write back to whoever had written to them, meaning a couple of popular kids had to write to 4 or 5 children, several kids had to write 2 letters, and at least 4 or 5 kids had nobody to write back to! As DS1 came home and listed to me who got which letters there was no attempt to save face for the ones who got nothing.

Face palm moment for the teacher and unnecessary anguish for some of the kids!

At least your daughter was listed - I bet if you analysed the entries you'd find a couple of kids nobody mentioned... not suggesting you actually do that and especially not in front of your DD obviously!

cake for her and wine for you - all the best to her for September!

Emotions seem to run really high in this last week or so of Year 6, it does all seem a lot for them to cope with, I'm quite glad it's all over TBH. Onwards and upwards indeed!

miffytherabbit3 Thu 23-Jul-15 09:19:14

This has made me feel really sad. Those poor children left thinking they must be unlikeable because they are not listed as someone's best friend and even worse the letter thing. Some schools need to have a big re-think.

Wishful80sMontage Thu 23-Jul-15 09:20:47

Agree op this is just bound to cause upset for some children.

Redcliff Thu 23-Jul-15 09:27:26

What a stupid thing for the school to do. Poor you and DD

ShadowFire Thu 23-Jul-15 09:32:47

Agree. It's a badly thought out format that's guaranteed to upset at least some of the children.

DeeWe Thu 23-Jul-15 09:33:04

I agree totally.

Our school does those stupid form photos where they take them in groups with arms round each other. Usually done in friendship groups.
You can always tell the "oddment, not picked by anyone" group.

TheHouseOnBellSt Thu 23-Jul-15 09:36:20

Our school did this too DD also struggled socially for a while and I was very nervous about it and even though she did get listed by her main friends, there were 2 girls who didn't list her back and my Motherly heart contracted.

It's a STUPID idea. YANBU. I noticed a boy who has SN had listed a great big list of boys and girls as his friends and not been listed by ANYONE and I was so cross that this had been badly thought out. His Mum is my friend and she will be sad.

LadyFuckrington Thu 23-Jul-15 09:37:42

I feel like emailing the school and suggesting they drop it for next year. It was always going to be hurtful for the unlisted children.

AuntyMag10 Thu 23-Jul-15 09:38:24

I agree that listing best friends isn't nice, However I don't see what's wrong with the groups of friends photos. Why shouldn't groups of friends be photographed togetherconfused

TheHouseOnBellSt Thu 23-Jul-15 09:38:52

Do it! They're bloody short sighted and someone has to tell them. It won't just be your DD who has been hurt by it. angry They can have boxes with suggestions such as "Best memory" and "Fave lesson ever" and "Which High School"

TheHouseOnBellSt Thu 23-Jul-15 09:39:48

Mag because some kids don't have a group to belong to...and then they're tacked onto a group to which they don't belong. It's humiliating. What's wrong with a whole class picture?

LilyMayViolet Thu 23-Jul-15 09:40:47

What a silly idea to ask children to list their friends in something that will last forever. Photos are a bit different but only if you make sure that people are included.

Egosumquisum Thu 23-Jul-15 09:42:26

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AuntyMag10 Thu 23-Jul-15 09:42:53

House so the kids that do have close friends and would like a picture together should miss out? I don't think that's fair. And if the children left out are placed with other kids then something is being done about it.

Bunbaker Thu 23-Jul-15 09:43:52

I hate anything like this that shows up how popular or unpopular a child is. It destroys what little self esteem the less popular children have. I can't believe that schools still operate like this.

At DD's secondary school they have to do several science projects until year 9. The teachers nominate the best ones and put them on the school website for the students to vote for the best one. Of course the popular students get the most votes - nothing to do with how good the projects are.

TheHouseOnBellSt Thu 23-Jul-15 09:44:03

Mag yes quite frankly. If they're such good mates, they can have a pic taken at home can't they. Small group pics aren't the norm and never have been.

sparkysparkysparky Thu 23-Jul-15 09:45:23

What a stupid idea by the school!

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