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AIBU?

AIBU re Wedding Invite Reply Date?

30 replies

Rememberallball · 22/07/2015 23:30

I'm getting married in 7 weeks time. We sent out invites about 6 weeks ago with a 'please reply by 20/07/15 and inform us of any dietary needs so we can confirm requirements with caterer'.

We are now in the position that we've had replies from most people invited to the ceremony (limoted to immediate family only due to restriction on numbers set by the venue) - except 2 of my siblings and their families and my dad's only remaining sibling. We are also still waiting to hear back from about half the people invited to the reception.

I was chatting to my mim about it and she thinks I should chase those people who haven't replied. I think that I shouldn't have to spend precious time ringing round trying to chase up potentially 60 people. I mean, it's not as if I have anything else to do over the next few weeks on top of working, renovating a house and everything that gets in the way of sitting back doing nothing in the run up to the wedding!!

AIBU is really all I'm asking?

OP posts:

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AddToBasket · 22/07/2015 23:34

It doesn't matter if YABU or not. You'Ll still have to chase them. So the question is, are you going to do it nicely or stroppily? I'd just be nice about it and accept it is part of party planning.

buttonmoonboots · 22/07/2015 23:36

People don't reply on time and you have to chase, it's just how it goes. We contrived a reason to contact them and then went oh and by the way are you coming...

RSVPing to weddings is the kind of thing people put off!

buttonmoonboots · 22/07/2015 23:37

PS re this: "I mean, it's not as if I have anything else to do over the next few weeks on top of working, renovating a house and everything that gets in the way of sitting back doing nothing in the run up to the wedding!!"

Dangerous path to go down. It's your wedding. It's more important to you. So yes, you will have to spend the time.

Kiwiinkits · 22/07/2015 23:38

People are crap. Weddings are hard work. You'll just have to chase, sorry.

TheRealMaryMillington · 22/07/2015 23:38

och just email them and be done

ShadowFire · 22/07/2015 23:39

You'll have to chase them up anyway. But yes, they should have replied.

DoJo · 22/07/2015 23:40

I agree - if you don't and they turn up, then you will be caught on the back foot, and if they don't turn up then you will wish you had known so that you could have invited someone else or made alternative arrangements. It is in your best interests to chase them, however frustrating it is!

MrsHathaway · 22/07/2015 23:42

I chased. Some replies had genuinely gone astray and some reminders were necessary. Some people think it's so obvious they're coming they don't need to rsvp; some people think you only need to rsvp if you're going.

Chase. You chase yours and he chases his. If they're family they'll start reminding each other in the background.

inlawsareasses · 22/07/2015 23:43

But you wrote a thread?????

LilyMayViolet · 22/07/2015 23:47

Yes, you need to chase. It's a bit of a pain but I can totally see why people put it off or think they've done it. Hope you get it all sorted and have a fantastic day!

Dynomite · 22/07/2015 23:47

You're just going to have to chase them. And also remember your wedding is much more important to you than to others. And others might also have a lot on their plate right now and rsvp-ing to a wedding might have slipped their minds. Also, if they're really close they might just be assuming that of course they are coming so why the need for the rsvp.
Also, YABU for thinking you can sit back and do nothing in the run up to the wedding. I've never heard anyone ever say that before.

TryToEngageBrainFirst · 23/07/2015 00:51

Send a round-robin email.

a1992 · 23/07/2015 05:48

I'm going to be honest, I haven't chased up people re RSVPs for my wedding as I know most would have had to book flights and accommodation or at least a hotel if they were going to come. And my view is its an invite not a summons, I do think people who haven't replied are a tad rude but that's my opinion and I'd never voice it to them

Spartans · 23/07/2015 06:07

Do these people genuinely think as you siblings and aunt, that's it's assumed that of course they are coming.

I didn't reply to dbros invitation. He told me the date when they booked it went in the diary. I got an invitation, he knew I was coming, his wife knew I was coming. I never wrote an official reply. Nor did I have any special requirements, apart from a high chair. But since dbro is fully aware I had a baby he had put it down on the list.

It's up to you. Either make 3 phone calls or do one email and copy them all in. Or spend you wedding day stressed and trying to find places for people who turn up that you haven't accounted for.

Surely your mum knows whether your siblings are coming?

MissDuke · 23/07/2015 06:19

Have you not seen or heard from the siblings at all since the wedding plans were made/ invites went out? It seems so odd to me that you wouldn't just ring them. As for the evening reception, if it's the standard buffet, normally numbers can be confirmed nearer the time and it's only an estimation anyway. I have never been at a wedding that did not have enough food. I wouldn't be chasing those people up personally, just ask anyone you see or speak to in the interim!

Howmanywotwots · 23/07/2015 06:22

You need to stop being stroppy about it

Happyringo · 23/07/2015 06:31

Yanbu to expect a reply, it is rude not to when you've asked by a specific date.

Ywbu to be stroppy about it though!

PtolemysNeedle · 23/07/2015 07:18

YANBU to think that people should reply, but you are going to have to chase them if you want to know who's coming to your wedding.

ShadowFire · 23/07/2015 07:27

When we chased up wedding invites, it turned out that DH's uncle hadn't replied because we'd sent his invite to the wrong house (we'd asked FIL for his address, and either he'd given us the wrong house number or we'd copied it wrong).

The uncle had apparently been nursing hurt feelings for weeks about us not inviting him, but had been too proud to mention it to PIL's until he was chased for an RSVP.

EponasWildDaughter · 23/07/2015 07:28

So half the people invited to the reception haven't RSVP'd - about 60 people out of 120.

That's quite a big percentage for the OP to wing it on and wait and see. A reception with 60 people is quite a different do to one with 120 or more.

If i were you OP, i'd ring some of the folk out of the 60 that you get on with easily and just ask if they could let you know within the next week or two, as you're sorting the numbers for catering soon. If they are in contact with others on the list perhaps ask them about those too? Keep it light and be cheery on the phone and, as someone else said, have something else to chat about so it's not awkward.

arnieschwartzsnogger · 23/07/2015 07:44

Yes, chase them.

It's standard fodder for organising events including weddings. People are pretty useless sometimes.

MelanieCheeks · 23/07/2015 07:46

Is it a task that you could delegate to someone else?

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BuyMeAPony · 23/07/2015 07:59

Yes it's annoying, but if you want to know if they're coming, then you need to chase them. If you don't mind not knowing then don't.

Or ask your mum to do it.

Pohtaytoh · 23/07/2015 10:12

Yes chase them, what is worse spending time now chasing them up now, or time on your wedding day running around trying to fit the rude buggers in and feed them when they turn up unannounced?

You are not BU, most if our guests were oretty good but the rudest were my FIL best-mate-almist-like-a-brother who I'm still to meet (after 8 years together) who simply had to be invited he was so important. Deadline came and went, no response, FIL tried to chase multiple times via email/phone never a response. Eventually my Mum got their number on directory enquiries, called and got through. Oh yes, they were coming, no it hadn't occured to them to let us know. Then the day before the wedding they called to say they weren't sure they could make it. My Mum basically very nicely said don't bother if too much trouble and we bumped friends of MIL who were lovely and genuinely wanted to come all day.

I know weddings aren't as important to any other than the couple, yes it's an invite not a summons, its not an issue if people don't want to come but some people are so ruddy rude about it!

Salmotrutta · 23/07/2015 10:19

You should chase it up - mistakes etc. can happen and like someone up thread my parents only found out they had been invited to a wedding when the bride called to ask if they were coming.

Turned out the invitation had been sent to the wrong address.

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