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AIBU to wish that all of you should stop feeling so guilty.

(28 Posts)
derxa Wed 22-Jul-15 16:57:13

I'm old and long past the child rearing stage but it saddens me to read a lot of the threads on here. People running themselves into the ground trying to do the right thing. I have a link from the reviled Daily Mail but it might help someone somewhere.
www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-3170644/Woman-s-heartfelt-blog-post-pleading-mothers-not-judge-mums-feel-guilty-agonise-decisions.html

LazyLouLou Wed 22-Jul-15 17:20:14

I stopped reading at "mummy blogger" - blech

WorraLiberty Wed 22-Jul-15 17:21:32

I don't mind clicking a Daily Mail link

I refuse to click a 'mummy blogger' link though grin

ssd Wed 22-Jul-15 17:22:38

me too

and someone with kids aged 5 and 16 months hasnt a bloody clue, I cant stand these ones that have kids then suddenly know it all, mine are teenagers and I realise I've got loads to still learn

derxa Wed 22-Jul-15 17:22:38

why is a 'mummy blogger' such a hate figure?

ssd Wed 22-Jul-15 17:24:29

mummy blogger = someone who's had kids for 2 minutes, realises its as boring as hell and decides to tell the world what she's learned on her journey

yuk, just yuk

derxa Wed 22-Jul-15 17:26:25

I remember a friend of mine whose DH was a headmaster at one time. He had a high % of travellers at his school. He visited a family and striking image was that the baby of the family was drinking cold tea out of a bottle. The family were happy and healthy.

WorraLiberty Wed 22-Jul-15 17:27:08

What ssd said.

If I want to pay attention to the ramblings of another parent, I'll stand at the school gate or log in to mumsnet.

At least that's a two way conversation, rather than someone blogging crap that you can't question them about.

ssd Wed 22-Jul-15 17:31:13

yep, theres worse things than cold tea in a bottle, not that I gave my two tea, although they love a cuppa now!

see, I'd rather have advice from someone like you derxa, someone who'd done the bringing up kids and lived to tell the tale, rather than someone who's hardly started and wants to write a blog about what they now know....which lets face it is fuck all really.

Calloh Wed 22-Jul-15 17:32:26

YANBU.
Everything she writes is valid. But people enjoy judging - as shown by the initial responses on this thread.

It's ok for a woman with young children to write about their experiences, it doesn't mean they're professing themselves to be experts at rearing older children or even younger children.

ssd Wed 22-Jul-15 17:34:19

sure its ok, just dont expect us to want to read it

and calloh, everyone here judges, including you and me.

WorraLiberty Wed 22-Jul-15 17:35:08

No-one's saying it's not ok for a woman with young children to write about her experiences.

Just that not everyone's interested in reading it, for some of the reasons stated above.

Also, I don't know if it's the blogger or the OP who's under the impression that we all feel guilty, but for me anyway it couldn't be further from the truth.

Calloh Wed 22-Jul-15 17:36:23

ssd, I completely agree. I'm getting more and more judgemental. I'm not saying her blog is not unrealistic and idealistic, I'm just saying that people are judgemental and latch onto differences.

DeanParrish Wed 22-Jul-15 17:37:58

Well I brought up two sons, 28 and 30, have a DGS and I know nothing about rearing children. They survived despite me.

needsomefeckingprivacy Wed 22-Jul-15 17:39:02

I feel no guilt and I don't think mothers with different parenting styles are rivals. These are things dreamed up by the Fail.

derxa Wed 22-Jul-15 17:42:35

The mummy blogger might be a complete arse but I think pressures on mothers are greater now than they have ever been. I did all the bf, co-sleeping thing and maybe some of my decisions were questionable.

corgiology Wed 22-Jul-15 19:04:57

I don't really understand the 'we are not rivals' thing.

You could say that about humans, planets, people with brown hair or anything. It is not mummy specific.

Scoobydoo8 Wed 22-Jul-15 19:09:10

I started reading the blog of the day 'I never realized motherhood would be so lonely' and the blogger has a couple of kids in a pushchair and has only spoken to her DH as he left for work - yawn, yawn,

my DCs were small when there was no MN, no internet, no daytime tv.

You lot have it soooooo good compared to then. The highlight of my day was listening to the Archers!

Scoobydoo8 Wed 22-Jul-15 19:11:58

Though must concede that if you are a Facebook fan then there will be stuff to compare yourself to. But it is possible not to bother with it, FB that is.

Cherryblossomsinspring Wed 22-Jul-15 19:20:50

Derxa, my sister is a gp in a travellers high population area in Ireland. She said the odd bit of tea is no harm but has seen horrific malnourishment in some travellers children from this practice. I think it might have been rickets too? Is it vit c absorption that is affected? And other problems caused by giving tea instead of formula. To the point that social services had to be called on a number of occasions.

I'm all for relaxed parenting. And fine with differing opinions on how to parent. I can honestly say I've not felt guilty about how I parent. Kids are safe and loved even if their parents are not perfect all the time.

dodobookends Wed 22-Jul-15 19:39:47

Why does she assume that all mums who bottle-feed their babies will feel guilty and pressurised. I didn't.

SurlyCue Wed 22-Jul-15 19:46:43

Not clicking any blogs or links but

"He visited a family and striking image was that the baby of the family was drinking cold tea out of a bottle. The family were happy and healthy "

How did he know? confused fwiw i have no problem with tea in a bottle, havent done it but i cant get my knickers in a twist over it, however how on earth could your DH know from a visit, as a headmaster, that the family were all happy and healthy? What an odd conclusion to arrive at based on that observation.

Cotto Wed 22-Jul-15 19:55:07

I must have missed the instruction that ALL mothers "agonise" over everything.
I don't ,if I think something isnt working I would change it confused

Complete Daily Fail shite as usual.

I BF, it was great.
I went to bed and just BF my baby, no agony, exhaustion or "agonising" .
yabu OP stop peddling this sort of crap that ALL mothers should feel guilty.

WhyStannisWhy Wed 22-Jul-15 20:03:12

Little tip OP, never share a blog link on here. Posters hate them to the point of obsession, it's bloody strange.

Strokethefurrywall Wed 22-Jul-15 20:21:17

The internet and social media have a lot to do with women feeling guilty, only because people express their opinions far more vocally leading to those who are more vulnerable feeling judged (even if they aren't being judged).

I don't do guilt, either as a mum (hate "mummy guilt, bleurgh!) or in any other decisions. I am confident in myself that the way i raise my kids is the best way I know how. I don't need anyone else to validate me. I also don't need to read yet another blog from yet another "mummy" imploring us all to not feel guilty. Where the fuck does all this angst come from? apparently from the Internet "telling" us we should be feeling guilty and that we're being judged.

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