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To go silent in front of my 3 yr old

(36 Posts)
LittleMissRayOfHope Wed 22-Jul-15 08:09:32

Simply because I can not take anymore interrogation over every single thing I say!

If I talk on the phone she spends the entire time that I'm talking asking why I said that. 'Why did you say X mummy?' 'Mummy, why did you say X' until I have to pause my call and explain that she shouldn't talk to me when I'm on the phone.

If I speak to her brother she questions everything I say 'why did you say that mummy? Why did he do that mummy? Why did you tell him not to do that mummy?'

If I mutter under my breath, about anything in another room behind closed doors she is there questioning it.

And it's not just once. It's 3 or 4 times with each question. And even when I do give a full answer about why I said something she just asks again and again, until I say something like 'I've given you an answer, you don't have to keep asking the same question' then it just goes on endless questions about why she doesn't have to ask the same question....

It is exhausting and mind numbing. I now find myself (subconsciously until now) trying not to say things in front of her because I just can't cope with the endless endless interrogation of every single word I utter.
Even if it is too another adult. She just endlessly asks why I have said anything and everything!!

Even my mum and ExH have both noticed and commented to me that she doesn't do this with them. She doesn't do this at nursery. Just to me.

It's 8am and I've had an hour + 20 mins already if this. confused

TheHouseOnBellSt Wed 22-Jul-15 08:11:26

Bless you. They're like mini stalkers aren't they? Sort of cute but abusive. grin

WHY WHY WHY!!!!????

It will pass...it's terrible but normal. flowers

hesterton Wed 22-Jul-15 08:12:05

Aw, you're her role model. She's learning how to be a social being by finding stuff out from you. Can you give her more generic answers, e.g. I am being friendly or I'm just checking everything is ok...

UniS Wed 22-Jul-15 08:12:59

I'd say she is old enough to be told to be quiet while you are on the phone. Just make sure you do make time for conversations with her that are not just you answering a stream of repetitive questions. You can try turning questions sometimes and asking her why she thinks someone did something.

MrsCurly Wed 22-Jul-15 08:14:31

My 11 year old still does this...!

morelikeguidelines Wed 22-Jul-15 08:14:52

I have tried saying "that's all the information there is" and then changing the subject.

I have a little interrogator too (she was more like it when younger than she is now). But it does sound like your dd does it more, is more persistent and questions more basic things so my response may not work.

It does occur to me that she wants to do it with others but only feels comfortable enough to do it with you.

If you feel that she actually doesn't understand what is going on and why people act as they do maybe talk to you gp.

However if you think she is just being a child - and children do like to quiz you, partly to keep your attention - then you could set a limit on answering .

strawberryshoes Wed 22-Jul-15 08:15:26

Turning it around helped here, but does pass but but I still get it occasionally with my 4 year old!

LetThereBeCupcakes Wed 22-Jul-15 08:17:21

Oh, I feel your pain. DS is 2.6. We frequently get to the point of me saying "please, darling, can you be quiet for a moment so I can think", to which he responds "but WHY MUMMY????"

I have found the best way to get him to be quiet is to call one of his grandparents and put them on the phone with him, at which point he will completely refuse to speak.

LittleMissRayOfHope Wed 22-Jul-15 08:19:13

I frequently do say 'why do you think I said/did X?' Nearly always say 'what does it look like?' When asked what are you doing mummy?'

She is like a mini stalker. She moves quite silently when she wants to! Creeps up on me and startles me with questions!

It's not the questions I mind. I encourage her inquisitiveness and curiosity but it is the relentless 'why did you say that mummy?' That gets me. And she refused to be fobbed off with a simple 'because I was talking to whoever' she wants to know what they said that made me respond that way and I don't want to explain every conversation to her!! Especially as most of my phone calls are not to friends/family but businesses during the day.

textfan Wed 22-Jul-15 08:19:44

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WhatchaMaCalllit Wed 22-Jul-15 08:22:12

If she keeps asking about the same thing over and over again, could you say to her "Amy or whatever your daughters name is - you've already asked me that and I've already answered that question" so and "Asked and Answered" response. I like the suggestion of turning it around and asking "Why do you think I said X?" as it gets her to think for herself.

LittleMissRayOfHope Wed 22-Jul-15 08:22:50

She has a very good understanding of life and why people do things etc.
she just refuses to be given a vague answer. I also feel that she is always actually listening to the answer so then asks again. Often getting distracted when the answer comes back as fairly boring!!

She is the type who will ask a question repeatedly without giving you the chance to answer.

WinterBabyof89 Wed 22-Jul-15 08:24:24

I feel your pain flowers

I would benefit from carrying a dictionary around all day as my DS (4) is constantly asking for the definition of every new word he encounters.. I love his desire to learn, but it's mortifying when I don't know how to explain the definition of a simple word thank goodness for mobiles & 3G

Recent question asked - 'why do we have blood in our bodies?'
At the time, we were walking down the stairs in a hospital, followed by several doctors and the pressure to give an accurate answer was just too intense haha

LittleMissRayOfHope Wed 22-Jul-15 08:24:29

I do frequently say 'I already gave you an answer and it isn't going to change' then she wants to know why it won't change!!

Good point to poster who said maybe it's that she is comfortable with me, I hadn't thought of that.
It is just wearing!

FurtherSupport Wed 22-Jul-15 08:25:16

I used to say "why do you think it is?" Put them to work by making them think about it themselves and they soon stop grin

LittleMissRayOfHope Wed 22-Jul-15 08:25:28

im so glad it's not just me!!

LokiBear Wed 22-Jul-15 08:26:24

My dd who is almost 4 does this. I answer her question and then she asks the exact same question in a slightly different way. I've. started to say to her 'what did I just say?' then she repeats it and I say 'there you go then' and change the subject. I think that dd comprehends far more than I realise and sometimes can feel a little insecure which is why she questions me. The other day dh and I were discussing something - quietly and politely, but we were disagreeing. DD starts asking me if I am 'happy at daddy', and if not, why not. It worries me a bit. I try and offer her an answer because I don't want her to worry. It is annoying though!

helloelo Wed 22-Jul-15 08:27:53

I was like this as a child. I still need to understand the details of everything to be able to handle a concept or anything really. My mom, in despair, started answering with "because cauliflower have powers". It made me laugh and frustrated me at the same time but I generally knew that was the end of (this line of) questioning.
I don't advocate this but I find it funny now and I say it sometimes to very surprised adults.

Plateofcrumbs Wed 22-Jul-15 08:29:04

I think this is just the communicative toddler equivalent of the newborn that is only happy when being held by thei mother. They just want you, and your attention, and now talking is to them what cuddles are to a newborn, they ask endless, inane, pointless questions.

Part of it is of course genuine curiosity about the world and 'why' - - but they also ask questions because question elicit a response.

LittleMissRayOfHope Wed 22-Jul-15 08:33:19

Yes Plate, I need to remember this.

It's not the question I mind, however inane. It's the repetition and relentlessness!

I shall summon more endless patience!

Thanks for replies

Iggly Wed 22-Jul-15 08:44:05

I wouldn't ignore her no.

I do think this is the chance for you to teach her the art of conversation.

My ds is like this but much better. I found it was the way in which I answered which helped. So if I gave a longer answer with lots in there, he'd be happy with that.

However I do sometimes have to say "shhh mummmy is talking can you wait your turn" then make damn sure I give him his turn (and DD, who's 3) so they trust that I will

WhatchaMaCalllit Wed 22-Jul-15 08:44:10

If these are work related calls that she is asking about, tell her that Mummy needs to make these phone calls as they are work and Daddy makes lots of phone calls too but she doesn't see the ones that Daddy makes as he makes his in the office. Mummy's work calls are important and it would take too long to explain why so just take it that they are important and whatever is said is for the person at the other end of the conversation/chat and not for her.

Or pop her in front of the tv while you need to make these calls I'm not condoning the use of a TV to be a babysitter but sometimes needs must

Plateofcrumbs Wed 22-Jul-15 08:46:13

Of course however it is fine to teach them you won't answer questions when you are on the phone etc, - you can't give them 100% attention all the time (you'd go nuts!)

thegreylady Wed 22-Jul-15 08:55:01

Just say"Why do you need to know?" "I just do"
"Why?"

LittleMissRayOfHope Wed 22-Jul-15 08:56:47

Dismissive answers don't work with dd. she just looks puzzled and immediately questions repeatedly until a satisfactory answer is forthcoming.
I also don't want to just be dismissive. I'm happy to answer, I guess I just don't understand why each question needs asking 3/4 times!

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