to expect my DH to claim his expenses? RANT!

[MrsRossPoldark]

So, I know what response I'm going to get here - this is a rant to get it all off my chest really!

DH has repeatedly told me that he can't get his company's expenses system to accept his expenses [they do their own as they are a consultancy and don't have their own HR dept - or payroll, or whatever] to do their expenses for them.

He is an IT consultant who specialises in project management techniques, such as how to prioritise, how to use IT effectively etc!

He works away from home M-Th every week so should in theory have loads of time to do his expenses in the evenings. He also seems to spend every spare hour at home watching storage hunters and/or complaining of headaches.

He hasn't done his expenses for months now and when I asked him to get his finger out at the weekend, told me how much he estimated he was owed in expenses - c£20K!! . I have just gone through our last 6 months' bank statements [he never looks at them] - of the expenses I can identify and the salary coming in, I reckon he is actually working for half-pay, as his expenses pm equate to half his monthly income!

It's not as if I haven't tackled him about this before - several times over the last few months I have checked the bank statements and not seen any expenses being paid in. I have offered to do his expenses for him [come on, how hard can it be?] but he says it's too difficult to explain [really?] but he won't hand over his receipts [partly because he leaves them in piles all over our bookshelves, his bedside table, his study desk upstairs, in his pocket, in his car, etc etc]. AIBU to think he really is too busy just to spend an hour once a week doing his expenses instead of letting them build up like this?

When I said WTAF [can't figure out how to make the shouty text any 'louder'], he then followed up by saying that work would get him into trouble as he's late submitting [which I take to mean that after say 3 months his receipts are no longer valid and they won't pay those expenses.]

WIBU to email his workplace to ask if I can submit his expenses on his behalf - if it's that hard, maybe I should hire myself out for the other consultants too, and charge them £15ph for the privilege of having me submit their expenses. I have never heard of a company's expenses system being too hard to submit to??? I have worked as a consultant myself and worked away from home, so I know that yes, it may be tediously boring, but if you did it once a week it shouldn't take long! It's our family's income he's compromising and we are only just struggling to break even after a disastrous couple of years when he made some pretty crap decisions about our own business that left us heavily in debt. We are just clawing our way back and now he behaves like this!

Not sure I'm looking for any advice - apart from how the hell do I get him to do something - fast!!

[woowoo22]

YANBU

This would be a dealbreaker for me.

Am not surprised though - have come across many contractors who don't even submit their timesheets for months on end. Madness. Utter madness!

[SpendSpendSpend]

Hes a lazy arse.

I cant stand it when people have this cant be arsed attitude

[MrsRossPoldark]

I think what I might do is to start spamming him with text messages once every hour from 7pm until midnight every night, just with one word 'expenses' until he gets the message?!

[FuckingLiability]

I don't get why anyone would let that go.

[MrsRossPoldark]

woowoo22 - I used to know contractors like that - they were all single blokes [oddly]

SpendSpendSpend - I wouldn't mind so much if he didn't have me and the 3 DSs to think about too - I earn a little as a p-t admin on minimum wage, but we rely on his income. Sorry - using the term 'income' loosely here!

[TestingTestingWonTooFree]

If you're feeling kind, collating then into a nice big spreadsheet would surely help?

[maybetomorrow22]

I'm sorry, but he's owed approximately £20k and chooses to do nothing about it?! Some people don't even earn that in a year.

I would be disconnecting everything in the house that would distract him then put on some naughty underwear and inform him he's not getting anything until he's done his expenses

[petalsandstars]

I'd be taking control if he can't be bothered to do it. He is effectively just working half the time for free then. Or take his card off him if he can't get the money back he can't spend it in the first place.

I know this is infantilising but I'd rather take control than have my DH throw away money we couldn't afford to waste

[FuckingLiability]

Just to add, I had to run up about 3K of my own money on a work trip once and I was champing at the bit to get it back. No way would I be allowing 20K to slip past.

[Ilovecrapcrafts]

My DH has done this. Incredibly frustrating. I think he thinks that it will make him look desperate for money. I could've killed him. Nothing happened until he resigned and decided he wanted it all after all

I wouldn't do them though and doubt the company will accept you dealing with them. Mine certainly wouldn't. We also have a 3 month cut off :(

[chinam]

Are you sure all the money you are missing is actually expenses he can claim back? I have never met anyone who was happy to let so much money go.

[mrstweefromtweesville]

Why doesn't he want his firm to address his expenses? What is he doing that he can't charge to them?
For example, if he was living with another woman (my uncle ran two families for years, I know it can be done) he wouldn't have the receipts you and the company want to see.

[woowoo22]

It is unbelievable.

Surely he just needs to stick them into bits of paper, fill in a form and scan them all off to the paying person? (old-fashioned)

You must be so irate OP.

[JustCallMeDory]

Woah - that's astonishing. But I empathise. DH's expenses are the bane of my existence as he travels a lot for work, stays at v expensive hotels and often hosts large dinners for clients, etc. Our credit card bill is often about £40 for us, and £4K expenses.

He's fairly good about filling out the gazillion different forms to claim them back, but the financial department at work are SO SLOW at processing them that I'm always having to raid our savings to pay off the credit card to avoid being charged interest until the expenses claim is paid. It drives me crazy so you must be loop the loop by now, OP.

[Username359185]

I know this is infantilising but I'd rather take control than have my DH throw away money we couldn't afford to waste

It's not infantilising if he's already infantilised himself!

I'd be hard pushed not to ask him to exit the building under those circumstances.

[achieve15]

interesting - in general, yes, he needs to do it no matter how annoying it is

where I work, the expense system requires 3 codes which are actually quite hard to find in the first instance, then you have to set up permissions on your system and they go back and forth about 4 times before they are considered ready, filling in several insane drop down menus as you go.

I suspect these systems are designed to stop people claiming but however big a pain it is, he needs to write a step by step guide, print it out and keep it. That's what I've done. I notice in my office the ones who really complain are the ones who never write it down so it is a complete mystery to them every time. I agree it's not user friendly and it would stump me if I tried to do it from memory, but that's why I don't and why I have a sheet! Also, the 3 codes should at least come from a small pool if you are regularly claiming petrol and food.

I hardly ever have to claim expenses and a very nice colleague sometimes sits with me and fills in some of the endless drop down menus because she has to do loads and can remember those bits really fast. Is there anyone in his office who might be kind enough to do that?

[BoffinMum]

I made a big fuss about a £7 Oyster card expense issue recently! £20K?!!!!

[MrsRossPoldark]

His latest bit of reasoning after this weekend's rant at him was - I'll do it whilst we are on holiday [we are off to what looks like a beautiful very wet Scotland at the end of the week for a fortnight]. Sorry - whilst we are all on a family holiday to relax and have fun together we get to sit and watch you me sort through your pile of shit sort your way through months of expenses - we'd have to cart all his receipts up to Scotland in the car, too!!

[achieve15]

PS I help that lady out with other stuff so it's a mutual benefit thing.

[DadfromUncle]

YANBU although I have been told off for complaining about various expenses and timesheet systems and how dire they are, I don't tend to be so lax. I also spent 15 years working Sunday(night)-Friday away. I used to do mine in the (customer's) offices when no-one was looking. I was a bit worse when I was self employed though.

I'm pleased to say my outfit now lets us photo our receipts on smartphone (we have an expenses app) and we don't have to faff around with sending them off - mine are filed in an envelope for each claim in case Hector comes looking for me, although I have hardly any these days.

[Kinsman]

My father died with his company owing him thousands of £££ in expenses. Please push him to clsim it back as soon as possible but anything could happen, bankruptcy etc, and that money could be lost forever...

[MrsRossPoldark]

He's an IT consultant so I don't understand his reasons that he can't make their system work. Even if he finds it frustrating, it's my money and my children's money too, so he owes it to his family to get that money back - it's not his to spend!

As for collating it into a spreadsheet, I'd have to sort through all his piles of crap and pocket fluff in order to find them. I will, however, try to find as much as I can and stick it in a box at least. If I can find a box big enough that is! I'm off to search the garage for an old-fashioned trunk I think!

[DrElizabethPlimpton]

You need to check that they will still pay the whole amount. They might only pay expenses that go back to the start of this financial year.

[Pico2]

If his clients pick up the tab for his expenses, they are going to be pretty pissed off to get them 6 months late.

[uggmum]

My dh is an I/T consultant. He works away from home Mon-Thurs. He does his expenses religiously every 2 weeks. It amounts to over £2500 pm. He also does them during the week and not when he is at home.

He uses a credit card for all expenses. Nothing goes through is bank account. This enables him to monitor his expenses as he pays the balance off in full each month and can cross check all transactions.

Therefore, I would stop him using a bank account for this purpose. A deadline like a credit card due date may make his submit his expenses.
There are also plenty of Apps that help you do your expenses. Ie, you can scan your receipts and it adds it all up for you.