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To wonder if this is ever the case with online dating websites?

(16 Posts)
Sinkingships Tue 21-Jul-15 14:17:57

I have some trust issues as a result of things that have happened in past relationships.

I don't know why but today I decided to have a look on an online dating website today to see if DP has a profile on there (he has in the past).

He does have a profile.

I know it is either a more recent profile or has been updated since the one he had last time, as the age and other details have changed. He says on the profile that he is just looking for friends and has a girlfriend so I'm trying not to leap to any conclusions but am I being massively naive in thinking that people use these kind of websites to look for friends?

Part of me thinks he could be genuinely looking for friends but the other part of me thinks he is probably just looking for a casual hook up that knows he has a girlfriend and so will be discrete and not seek a relationship.

Aibu to even consider trusting that he is just looking for friends? I'm sure that is what he will say when I ask him!

Generally he is very honest with me, even with things that I won't be happy about, hence I am really worried that he made no mention of this profile to me. I could believe it a bit more if he had been upfront about it but the fact he hid it makes me worry even more.

I know I shouldn't really have tried to check up on him but now I'm not sure.

Sinkingships Tue 21-Jul-15 15:21:19


CherryBonBon Tue 21-Jul-15 15:26:13

I have an active profile on OKC that I use to find friends.

OKC in particular seems to have a lot of people who I identify with (alternative/non-monogamous types) and I don't get the chance to meet many new people irl so it males sense to me.

I've also spoken to and seen the profiles of lots of other people who aren't on there looking for a relationship/sex.

Sinkingships Tue 21-Jul-15 15:31:02

This profile was on pof which I have heard a lot of people tend to use for casual hook ups, although that isn't the express purpose of the site.

I know my sister has used this website in the past to try and find friends as she was new to the area and didn't know anyone but she ended up closing her account as she got too many messages from guys asking for sex.

Just feel gutted even though I don't know the whole story yet sad

PanGalaticGargleBlaster Tue 21-Jul-15 15:33:13

While there are websites out there that do strictly cater for plutonic friendships or activity/hobby partners I would view anyone who is a relationship who is on a mainstream dating website (match, POF etc) claiming to be looking for friends only either very na�ve or most likely, an utter liar with regards to their intentions.

Healthy relationships do not have one one person being an active member of a dating website.


CherryBonBon Tue 21-Jul-15 15:38:27

Yeah POF is definitely more of a meat market.

You need to talk to him.

ProcrastinatorGeneral Tue 21-Jul-15 15:40:42

Among all the singles I know PoF is only ever used by those who want fuck buddies or casual relationships. None have ever used it for friends or serious relationships.

BoredAdminGirl Tue 21-Jul-15 15:48:08

Why not create an anonymous profile and message him?

knittingdad Tue 21-Jul-15 16:08:39

Did he tell you that he was creating an online dating profile to look for friends?

I have become friends with people who had done this, but it wasn't something they did behind the back of their boyfriend

Peaceloveandcustardcreams Tue 21-Jul-15 16:15:31

There are websites out there designed for people genuinely looking for local friends. DH has signed up to them in the past, and told me about it. POF is traditionally used for dating, plus you had to snoop to find out about his profile. I wouldn't be comfortable with it.

spillyobeans Tue 21-Jul-15 16:25:07

Pof is definitely for casual sex hook ups!

Sinkingships Tue 21-Jul-15 17:12:36

Knitting, no he didn't tell me about it, I found out by looking online sad

I will do cherry but he's working late tonight so I need to wait till he gets home.

Weathergames Tue 21-Jul-15 17:18:34

I would be devastated if my OH had a POF profile - it is not a website where you find "friends".

I met my OH on there and was on there for 18 months before that and met no one wanting only friendship - sorry. flowers

SuperFlyHigh Tue 21-Jul-15 17:23:23

to look for friends?! he certainly isn't doing that on not on POF

WorraLiberty Tue 21-Jul-15 17:25:13

So he's ok with these 'friends' being male as well as female?

If he had nothing to hide, he would have hid nothing from you OP.

It's interesting how you refer to him as your partner, but he refers to you as his girlfriend.

Sinkingships Tue 21-Jul-15 17:49:54

I think the wording is just semantics to be honest worra, I just don't like saying boyfriend as it sounds slightly juvenile at my age.

My impression was that you search for people of the opposite sex but I suppose you could search for either?

That's my thinking about hiding it, presumably if this is the case he would be fine with me having a profile to look for friends too? Except I wouldnt do that because it would seem like going behind his back.

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