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To think MIL should be proud of dh ?

(28 Posts)
Edenviolet Tue 21-Jul-15 13:22:32

Rather than having the appalling attitude she does towards me?

Our dcs have various health problems and dh has in the last year really really made a massive effort to help with everything. We share the work at night with dcs, take turns with cannula changes etc and he takes them to lots of appt etc etc etc

Ds1 is currently in hospital and dh has stayed with him, I've been looking after other dcs and going up to visit when I've been able to find someone who is trained to look after dcs, it has worked out ok

MIL has constantly phoned and text, not about how ds1 is or can she help but to tell me I should be staying with ds and "what sort of a mother doesn't stay in hospital with her child" also saying how it's unfair on dh, that he does too much etc etc

AIBU to think that actually she should be really proud of dh for doing so much and being such a good husband and father rather than having a go at me that I make him help too much?

LazyLouLou Tue 21-Jul-15 14:38:01


Bite the bullet and say

"Look, life is stressful enough at the moment. If you can't support us leave us alone."

Then screen her out totally.

When things are on a more even keel for you get DH to reinforce your joint message.

I hope your DS is back home soon and you can get back into your normal routine.

goshdarnit Tue 21-Jul-15 14:54:42

YANBU at all.
I used to work as a nurse for teenagers. Sometimes both parents stayed, sometimes Mum, sometimes Dad. But it was always very obvious that the parent not in the hospital was working darn hard to keep the rest of the family going and maintaining normality. It's team work at it's finest (and hardest)
Home dc1 gets home asap, and I think MIL needs to realise that you are both working hard, and all your children need both of you to maintain the family unit, whether some are in hospital or at home, and your dh is perfectly capable of caring for his child, his testicles don't stop his ability to care!

TheVeryHungryPreggo Tue 21-Jul-15 15:10:03

So if I remember right you have three other DCs all with health issues including a baby and a younger DD with life-threatening diabetes and your MIL thinks DH is hard done by because you're not also in the hospital with your son so he has to go. FFS. Does she think you have a cloning machine in the attic to pop out spare versions of yourself to do all the jobs as needed?!

Tell her there's only one of you but luckily DS1 has two parents, and you are taking care of your whole family as a team.

paulapompom Tue 21-Jul-15 15:10:38

She's sounding a bit of a cunt if you will excuse my bluntness. Surely she should be A) proud of you both, and B) offering any help she can.

I would imagine looking after dcs with multiple health problems is totally draining and so worrying. I hope you have people around who do support you both.

Love to you all

Lima1 Tue 21-Jul-15 15:21:11

"What sort of mother doesn't stay in the hospital with her child?"

Answer - "one that has left the child in the care of his competent and loving father"

What a bit*h.

My DH gets grief from his mother about him going to college (I was going too at the same time but finished now). She goes on and on about how we are putting ourselves under too much pressure and that I'm obviously forcing him to go.
Wouldn't it be lovely if she could support us and congratulate us on trying to do better for ourselves.

AuntyMag10 Tue 21-Jul-15 15:29:48

Yanbu, wow she's awful. She hasn't offered you any help knowing that you have other dc to look after, yet phones to criticize you.
Ignore her calls and texts and don't feel bad about it too. Hope your ds gets better soon.

TinyManticore Tue 21-Jul-15 15:31:35

I wouldn't be answering the phone to anybody who can't be arsed helping but has the energy to bitch about things they don't understand.

Edenviolet Tue 21-Jul-15 16:20:49

She just text me to tell me id "better have a nice home cooked meal ready" for when dh gets back with ds1 !!

RandomMess Tue 21-Jul-15 16:30:28

Actually I think you need to ask dh to have a word his mother about her attitude and lack of help.

HelenMirrensHair Tue 21-Jul-15 16:39:50

So basically she's saying that looking after one child in a controlled environment with trained professionals is more difficult that looking after 3 and holding the house together with no external support????

Saying that having read some of your other threads i am will to bet 55 million squillion quid that if you swapped over, she'd be slagging you off for living the easy life in the hospital and leaving poor DH to cope with the 3 and the house.

When are you going to cut this fuckers off, they'll never change you know, they'll never be the support you wish they were.

grumpysaurus Tue 21-Jul-15 16:48:42

Phone your provider and block her numver or get a new phone number and don't give her it. Why are you allowing someone like that access to you? Perhaps she's supportive to DH but she definitely isn't to you.

LazyLouLou Tue 21-Jul-15 16:50:25

OK, text back the message I suggested. She has given you the perfect opportunity!

kissmethere Tue 21-Jul-15 16:52:40

Yanbu, she's a heartless bitch.

kissmethere Tue 21-Jul-15 16:53:36

I'd ignore her emails and only respond if she sends a positive message.

CarbeDiem Tue 21-Jul-15 18:32:30

For fucks sake! Tell her to come make the home cooked meal for you all if she's that concerned but iirc from some of your previous threads she doesn't do any actual helping you out does she? and just prefers to mouth off.

OnlyLovers Tue 21-Jul-15 18:38:06

Just text back 'Not your business. Please back off.' Block her number (I am serious) and ask your DH to have a word.

I'm sorry your DS is in hospital and hope things improve soon. thanks to all of you.

Edenviolet Tue 21-Jul-15 19:01:47

Ds and dh are home now, he's much better.

Dh said mil kept texting offering to go and sit with ds in hospital so that should could go home to shower eat and sleep, he had to tell her bluntly in the end to just stop texting

ollieplimsoles Tue 21-Jul-15 19:31:57

Stupid old cow.

Your DH sounds lovely and you sound like you are pulling together as a family through a difficult time. flowers

Glad they are home now, block your MILs number and have no more contact with her.

Some MILs people just want to watch the world burn.

Finola1step Tue 21-Jul-15 19:36:43

Quick question Hedgehog. What was/is your MIL's relationship like with DH's dad? I wonder if she is somewhat jealous that you two pull together. Just a thought.

Edenviolet Tue 21-Jul-15 19:50:54

Mil had quite a bad time with dh and bil father. She was only 16 when she had Bil and then had dh at 18 and he left her soon after so she had a tough time for a few years till she met her current partner

TracyBarlow Tue 21-Jul-15 19:55:52

With your history I can't believe you're actually speaking to the old bitch. She's fucking nuts.

Are you still saving money for the care home she's going into when she's older while you're struggling to pay for every day items?

Hissy Tue 21-Jul-15 20:05:13

A real woman would have asked how she could have helped YOU, so that YOU could pop up there and see your ds too.

Phase her out of your lives, she has nothing to offer any of you.

Houseworkavoider Tue 21-Jul-15 20:13:16

Knowing what she's like from you previous threads, she would have moaned about it being unfair if your dh had have stayed home with your other dc!
flowers I'm glad your ds is home.

Edenviolet Tue 21-Jul-15 20:13:46

Haha no! Never even let she take that plan any further re care home !

He has realised in the past 12-18 months exactly what his dm is all about

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