I have a dd who will be 6 soon and I'm currently 6 months pregnant.
With dd my husband was my birthing partner. Whilst I was in labour he let the family sit outside in the waiting room which was outside the door of the room I was in practically. Then after 16 hours the baby was here and I was taken to the labour ward. My husband had to leave as it was middle of the night. 3am. And I was alone with baby. He came back at about 12pm them I had a massive hoard of visitors at 2pm not once did he ask if it's okay if they all come as his families feelings are obviously more important than mine and they can't be let down or hurt. Anyway there was about 6 visitors in my bay me and my partner. ..that's 8. It was way too much it got to me and as a response I flew as apposed to fight. ..I pushed to be discharged hurried it all through just to get home for some rest. In doing so my daughter wasn't the best that night sounded like something was on her chest and her breathing was noisy but after a few hours it cleared and everything was fine. Also in my rush to get out and having everyone there I was not shown how to breastfeed. I tried at home by myself but couldn't do it.
So all this was my own fault. I should of stood up for myself and I didn't. I'm a wimp. I was happy for it to all go my husbands way and can't be bitter as I knowingly let it happen due to being a pathetic soft touch.
Irrelevant I guess but years later the families....mine and his. ..went on to say they could hear me screaming the hospital walls down!! His family. Mine said I sounded like a banshee!! And my husband said I was verbally abusive to the midwife in my labour. ....I won't lie this broke my heart a bit and it really hurt down deeply. The reason being is because I was actually really pleased with myself on how well I done. ..as I'm very wimpy...and I was proud I handled it all so well under so much pain and pressure..I'll admit I was in and out of it but I still was proud of what I done and what I could remember of the birth.
When they said all this husband didn't challenge them or anything but neither did I ( wimp again) but it made me realise that not once did my husband say he was proud of me or I was amazing or anything....This really hurt too.
Fast forward 5 years and I'm due to give birth in 3.5 months I said to husband 2 weeks ago I want to go into labour have baby. Come home then tell people we've had the baby. He had his labour last time I want mine this time (I'm not such a wimp anymore) he said I was precious and being out of order.
So again no support.....so um going to do it alone and instruct the midwifes I'm to have no birthing partner and no visitors at all. This will be my last labour so would like one I can be proud of and not have anyone there to hold up score cards or comment on how shit I handled it all.
This came to a head last night as his sister has just given birth...no one was outside her door judging how she was doing and also once she had the baby visitors were refused as she was shattered due to labour....so she isn't out of order for doing it but I'm out of order two weeks ago to suggest I don't want visitors. This came to a head really because I was insanely jealous her husband not only voiced several times how proud he was of her and how amazing she is but because he supported her and put her feelings before others. This made me jealous massively I lost control and had a massive argument with my husband. This also helped me decide I don't want him at the birth as I tolf him to weeks ago What I wanted and he said I was being out of order to family.
Aibu.
Other than this my husband is great in near enough ever way. ...His only floors are I feel he never supports or sticks up for me and he is a wuss when it comes to confrontation with his family so never does it. Other than that he is absolutely fantastic.
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AIBU?
to want to labour alone? long post!
25 replies
bluetv · 21/07/2015 08:28
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